What He Would Say

Paul and Billy met in public school, they shared a love for football, fishing and riding bikes. Later, that would change to football, fishing, cars and girls. Paul’s father feared some day Billy would lead Paul, places he shouldn’t go. Anyone could see how much Paul looked up to Billy. Billy was the man, and Paul was the wingman. 

By the time they reached high school, Paul worried his old man might be right? Billy came to Paul too often for help, with problems at school, in need of ideas for projects and essays, and odd scrapes he would get himself into with his big mouth. It was never ending, and Paul was always there for him. 

In high school, Billy’s light began to outshine all others and football was becoming his god, and his ticket out. He was being hailed a Quarterback, with promise. Paul was his favorite, wide receiver and they made as good a team on the field as they did off. Paul convinced himself he was content playing second fiddle and figured one day he would get his break, and would step out of Billy’s shadow, and into the spotlight. 

Heidi was a quiet girl from the neighborhood, who Paul had a crush on for as long as he remembered. She was shy, and her hair had the cutest, waterfall curls, natural, strawberry blonde and blessed with a very developed, athletic body. In high school, Paul had Homeroom class with her and vigorously jockeyed for position, in order to be in her line of sight. He decided to take the safe approach to her heart, as it was the only one he could muster the courage for. It was just his way, and when it came to pretty girls, his way was as green as the grass in May.   

And so they became friends, and that relationship grew effortlessly, having so much in common.  While sharing the same sarcastic sense of humor, they liked the same dorky, indie films and both listened to the same music, which was a little eclectic for their small town. Anything outside of classic rock or country was seen as alternative or more often, Gay.   

Due to Paul’s lack of experience and without a sister to conspire with, he drifted past the point where he could pivot to what he really wanted from Heidi, sex. All of a sudden he was just her buddy. After practice one day with Heidi, who made the cheerleading team, and enjoying a beautiful day, Billy walked by shirtless, and when Paul saw her look at him, he felt sick, witnessing how her whole being changed, in that instant.  

   ‘Are you going to introduce me to your friend? Heidi asked.’ 

   ‘He’s not your type!’ 

   ‘Come on, you never know?’  

Paul dreaded making this introduction, but it wasn’t something he could stop anyhow. As it turned out, Billy didn’t seem very interested in Heidi, and was gone after a quick ‘hello’ and ‘see you around’. Paul was relieved.  Not long after that, as Paul and Billy were enjoying a surreal sunset, and fishing off the dock for anything that would bite, Billy broke the moment with words Paul never wanted to hear. 

  ‘ Guess who I’m going out with tomorrow night?’ 

  ‘ Maggie, little Magic Maggie?’ Paul replied without conviction. 

  ‘ Been there, seen that trick, no encores thank you.’ 

  ‘ Who’s left Billy?’ 

  ‘ Heidi! I ran into her downtown, turns out our mother’s are friends from way back, they were chatting for half an hour, so Heidi and I went for a Beer and she asked me out, and I said yes.’ 

  ‘She’s awesome Billy, she’s not like the other girls.’ 

  ‘So you say, you ever go for it yourself?’ 

  ‘Na, we’re just friends.’ 

  ‘Ok, cool, just making sure, cause it’s got to be Bro’s before Ho’s right?’ 

  ‘This one is no Ho Billy.’ 

  ‘I’ll be a perfect gentleman.’ 

And so Billy got the girl, and Paul’s phone didn’t ring for weeks, and he found himself fishing alone. Eventually the flame of new love cooled and the lovebirds came down from their tree. And by their final year of high school, they were all close again, Billy and Heidi much closer of course, but Paul couldn’t change that, instead, he just blamed himself for another chance he was afraid to take. 

The town, went crazy for football that year, they couldn’t get enough. The spirit hadn’t been that high for decades. One Friday night, under the lights at the State Championship, the stars aligned. Billy had the game of his life, he had too, because his receivers were not great that night, so Billy took the game into his own hands, rushing for record yards, he invented and executed plays that weren’t in the playbook, and they beat the number one ranked defensive team in the state. He was a star. And in the stands that night, a gaggle of scouts dressed in Dockers and Baseball caps, stood scanning their well researched stat laden clipboards, for details on number 7. They hadn’t come to see him, but Billy was all they would remember. 

Billy accompanied by his parents and the scouts left quickly to celebrate, not what had happened, but what could happen? When Paul came out of the locker room, his parents were waiting for him. 

  ‘Congratulations Paul, that was an amazing win, that is something you will take with you forever. We are so proud of you!’ 

  ‘Thanks, but those passes in the first half were catchable, I should have had them!’ 

  ‘Son, it’s a team game and you won as a team. Go Celebrate! But first, check on Heidi, looks like she could use a friend.’ 

  ‘And that’s me I guess, the friend.’ 

  ‘That’s why we named you after a saint, remember?’ 

   ‘Right, thanks for the reminder Dad. See you later, much later.’ 

Paul caught up with Heidi wiping away tears, as she was getting into her car. 

  ‘You alright’ 

  ‘No, not really, I feel bad, for feeling bad, I mean I should be happy for Billy for having such a great game, but here I am crying because I got left behind for something more important. And I don’t think it’s going to be the last time. Selfish right?’ 

  ‘No, I feel the same way, like something big is happening around us, but we’re not a part of it. I wish I was at the Longhorn, working on a 20 oz. T-Bone and hearing about where and how far my dream might take me.’ 

  ‘You sucked tonight, Paul. I could have caught those passes, if you had of you would be chewing on a juicy steak instead of chewing the fat with a stood-up cheerleader’ 

  ‘Thanks Heidi, I always loved your honesty, you want to go to the party?’ 

  ‘No, I don’t feel much like partying, I’m waiting for Billy, I’m sure he’ll come and get me on his way to the party.’ 

  ‘You bet he will, he’d be insane not to, No dream of his could come true, without you.’ 

  ‘That’s so sweet, I pray your right.’ 

  ‘If you change your mind, you know where to find me.’ 

  ‘Thank you, Paul’ 

  ‘Heidi…’ 

  ‘Yes?’ 

  ‘Ah nothing, good night.’ 

Billy showed up hours later, he was all lit up, it was mayhem at that party; it was the biggest night of their lives, except, maybe for Billy. 

  ‘Paul, Paul, where is Heidi at?’ 

  ‘She went home after the game, said she was waiting for you?’ 

  ‘Maybe for the best tonight, anyhow, look at the fine, crazy ladies here tonight.’ 

  ‘Billy, what a fucking night, you were amazing!’ 

  ‘Yes sir I was, we got it done brother, and you should have had those ball, right?’ 

  ‘Yeah I know that, thanks for picking us up, you ran like a god damn race horse bro!’ 

  ‘I was feeling it Paul, like nothing could stop me. But enough of that, lets get fucked up and find us some ladies!’ 

  ‘You got it, Billy!’ 

After a couple of weeks, things calmed down, Billy was being recruited for Division 1 Schools, and that had certainly changed him. It was the end of something important, and the beginning of something even bigger.  The three of them all acknowledged it would never be the same again, and committed to each other to make the most of their last summer together. Billy and Paul trained together every morning, and then Paul would go to work, while Billy and Heidi would spend the remains of the day at the beach or in the bedroom. The 3 amigos were hanging on tightly, to what they shared for as long as possible. For Paul, the hardest part was the thought of losing his two, best friends.  He was encouraged by his father to pursue college, but decided at home, working with him was where he belonged. Once again Paul felt like he was letting himself down somehow? It was like there was more out there and he was missing it. 

In the last week of August, things got real and nerves more frazzled, Billy started getting more selfish than usual, implying his future was more important, and that Heidi and Paul had it easy, with nothing to lose. And so all 3 of them, independently wrestled with the tragic conflict between old and new, love and duty, and in doing so, their own friendship and self-interest.  

   ‘When will I see you again Billy?’ whispered Heidi. 

  ‘Maybe you could come visit at Thanksgiving?’ 

  ‘I’d like that but it seems like such a long time away?’ 

  ‘I just have to focus all my time and energy on the football program, and surviving school on top of that. The guys told me that first year was the hardest and most important for moving forward with the team. 

  ‘I get it. I won’t bug you Billy, I just need to know what you see, for us?’ 

  ‘I don’t want to lose you Heidi; we can wait and see what happens? I want to have you with me, when the time is right.’ 

  ‘Do you mean that Billy?’ 

  ‘I do, maybe next year things will work out like that, once I’m established and get my foot in the door, maybe even crack the line-up?’ 

  ‘I’d like that Billy, I already miss you, and you’re not even gone.’ 

  ‘I’ll miss you too, and never forget, you’re soul is my anchor.’ 

Heidi began laughing and crying, all at the same time, Billy always had a way of cracking her up. 

  ‘Where did you ever get that line, anyhow?’ 

  ‘Love, babe, Inspired by you!’ 

The truth was Paul gave that line to Billy to help him with a letter to Heidi that Billy was having trouble writing, Billy thought it was really Gay. To Paul’s detriment, the letter helped Billy, ‘Seal the deal’ as he put it. Billy had said the line so many times since then; he actually believed he wrote it. Heidi never believed it was something Billy could write. 

With Billy gone, there was a massive hole in Paul and Heidi’s lives. And with the colder weather coming, life’s inexplicable changes fell as fast as leaves from the trees.  They were shocked and lost, and so they leaned on each other more than they ever had before. Paul soon admitted his deeper feelings for Heidi, but she shot him down hard and assured him things would never be over between her and Billy. 

Paul called Billy many times but never got any reply, this hurt him, but after some time his anger only galvanized his realization that Billy didn’t care. And after walking in Billy’s shadow for so long, the freedom he experienced now, was exhilarating. As thanksgiving neared, Heidi was praying Billy would call to invite her, while Paul was too busy with work to be concerned. 

  ‘Paul! I spoke to Billy, and he invited us up to visit before thanksgiving, and then he could come home with us. You in?’ 

  ‘Of course I’m in, but are you sure he wants me tagging along?’ 

  ‘Absolutely, he said I had to bring you too.’ 

  ‘Alright then, it’s a road trip and reunion for …the 3 Amigo’s.’ 

Paul and Heidi had an amazing drive, the top down, the tunes weird and rocking, and the cool breeze blowing down the highway. They went up a night early to surprise Billy and Heidi rented a fancy, hotel suite with a separate master bedroom where they could get properly reacquainted. Paul and Heidi both needed this getaway, the past months had been a lot longer than they expected. 

Arriving on campus blew their minds, the lush scenery, the gothic, stone buildings, the hipsters on retro bikes, and all the good-looking people. 

  ‘Maybe we should have tried College, Paul?’ 

  ‘Ahh yes, I could get used to this.’ 

They knocked on the door and waited in the hallway, students were drinking and partying pretty hard, they saw some big, athletic boys and figured they were on the right floor. They knocked again, and were just about to leave when the door opened and a sleepy, blonde babe in nothing more than one of Billy’s favorite T-shirts appeared. 

  ‘Hey, can I help you?’ 

  ‘We’re looking for Billy?’ Paul said. 

  ‘Oh, this is his room, come on in.’ 

  ‘Where’s Billy?’ barked Heidi. 

  ‘He’s just napping.’ 

  ‘Who are you?’ 

  ‘A friend of Billy’s.’ 

  ‘Tell him his girlfriend is here!’ 

  ‘Oh Shit! 

Heidi began crying while doing her best not to, as they waited. 

  ‘Hey guy’s, wow! what a surprise I didn’t expect you until tomorrow?’ 

  ‘Billy what’s going on, who is that?’ 

  ‘Heidi, please it’s nothing, we’re just friends, I swear. 

The young girl came out and left without saying good-bye. 

  ‘Fuck you! Billy. How could you? You Bastard!’ 

  ‘Heidi, Please! She’s just a friend!’ 

Heidi ran out the nearest stairs, and Paul just shrugged and winked at Billy. 

  ‘I called last night to tell you we were coming? Said Paul. 

  ‘Thanks for trying. I’ve just been so caught up with everything here’ 

  ‘No problem! See you buddy.’ 

Back at the hotel, Heidi wept for a few minutes and then began to laugh hysterically. 

  ‘What a stupid girl I am?’ 

  ‘Don’t say that, you’re an amazing woman.’ 

  ‘I sure don’t feel like one, what a waste of fucking time. I’m done, that’s it. Open up that mini bar Paul, we are going to do what we came to do, to party.’ 

  ‘How does champagne sound my lady? Got a mini Piper here, I’ve seen models and actresses on T.V drinking these through straws.’ 

  ‘And why do they drink them through straws?’ 

  ‘So they don’t ruin their lipstick or dribble on there rented Cinderella gowns.’ 

  ‘Brilliant, hit me!’ Heidi said giggling like a schoolgirl. 

After the Champagne ran dry, the night turned to a river of Tequila, then cold beer and finally, California Merlot. 

  ‘Paul, make love to me, right here, right now!’ 

  ‘Ahh, are you sure this is the right time to go there?’ 

  ‘What’s a matter, you scared of Billy?’ 

On that note, Paul grabbed Heidi with such force it caused her to lose her balance and fall onto the king-sized bed, where she pulled him inside her, he gave her everything he had, and she took it with everything and more. It was like Destiny, or so Paul believed. Heidi passed out after making love the second time, but Paul couldn’t sleep, he needed time to process what had happened, so he turned on the T.V and cracked a miniature bottle of whisky. He landed on sports highlights and when the College Football replays came on, there was Billy, young, breakout sensation. This caused Paul to suffer a pang of regret, but it passed with a belt of whisky. He called Billy but he didn’t answer, that was probably a good thing. 

Heidi woke up with a horrible hangover. She looked at Paul like he was her captor. 

  ‘We shouldn’t have done that!’ 

  ‘I’ve been thinking a lot about it Heidi and I’ve wanted to do that since the first time I saw you. I love you, I always have!’ 

  ‘Don’t’ do that! Don’t say that now, please?’ 

  ‘But it’s true!’ 

  ‘I love you too Paul, only not how you want me to.’ 

  ‘Give it time?’ 

  ‘I’m sorry, I really am. This could never work, your like a brother to me.’ 

  ‘I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by being used, but usually it’s Billy, not you!’ 

   Paul left without another word. Billy called Heidi soon after and begged to see her, and of course she couldn’t say no to Billy, just like Paul couldn’t say no to her. 

By the time Billy and her arrived home, they were back together, all was forgiven, how could she not? She didn’t mention her night with Paul, she had forgotten about it already. She had to, the thought of it made her nauseous. Billy gave her his State Championship ring, and she cried and put it on her thumb since it was too large for her other fingers.  Heidi saw this as a sign of rings to come. 

Across town, Paul was at home feeling empty, hollowed out and heartbroken, like a fool more than anything. He didn’t wonder if they’d call, he only wondered who would call first? And he wondered, when the call came, what would he say?