40 years

My little fingers were resting on his stomach, moving up and down with every breath. His steady snuffle was the best lullaby. The same rhythm. Over and over. No fault in this machine.

Those soft lips were slightly open, waiting for my kiss. I loved his manly beard. Stingy and tickler.

They say love makes you blind. Silliness. Who wants to be a half-person? A fragile, dingy little piece on the floor, waiting for someone to trample on you.

“I feel your eyes on my body,” he whispered.

“Are they heavy?” I tried to make fun of everything.

He took advantage of my weakness and rapidly placed his body on mine. I squeezed him as hard as I could, getting love from every inch of his body. He knew, that something weighed on my soul.

“What's bothering you, honey?” he asked while playing with my ringlets.

“Uhm, I need your help. It's extremely important for mom.”

I kissed his forehead and jumped out of the huge, cozy bed. We both get dressed. Maybe I was a bit faster. He was blindly obedient. I've dragged him out of hell, and he was grateful for that.

Different thoughts were swirling in my mind. We needed a good plan. He could do something, distract the doorman, or do things like that. There was a backdoor too. Or flirting with the nurse. Whatever.

“I'll wait outside. I have to turn on the heating in the car,” his deep voice pulled me out of the cavalcade.

Somehow I went downstairs, but no idea how, and ended up in the kitchen. I unhooked some warm jackets from the hanger. One for me and one for mom.

I was really excited. Confused. Breathing heavily. It had to be perfect. I owed them that much.

My fingers zipped up my puffer jacket and I started down on the path of sin.

*

He kissed my hand and smiled at me. I knew he would be by my side. My legs were shaking a bit. I had to do it. For dad.

Mr. Smith was wearing the same outfit. A worn-out jacket, with a blue hat and jeans. We showed him our ID, answered his boring questions in a good manner, and went inside.

I had to put my jacket down immediately. It could be 28 degrees inside the room. Of course, for mom, that was normal.

“Good morning, Daniel and Hazel,” said a kind voice.

It was Fiona, my mother's nurse. We loved her so much. She was a real fairy, only without wings. Mother could be trouble sometimes, but she treated her with a lot of patience.

“Cathy is so enthusiastic. I don't know what happened to her,” she said while leading us to her room.

The corridor was empty. I noticed, that they have some new pictures on the wall. Every new member deserves to be there. Like a wall of fame. All those ladies, dressed in their best outfits, smiling and pretending that they were in their early 20’s. On the left side, there was a guy like Mr. Rogers, our janitor. Balding grey hair , twirled mustache, checked shirt, and a suspicious look. My mother was the next one. Her long hair was braided for the occasion. She had a pretty light blue costume and a trendy scarf over it. Dan said I look like her. Just like twins. Only that she had some wrinkles. Dad used to call them ‘memories’. So, when mom said, ‘I’m so old, look at all these wrinkles!’ I corrected her ‘You are beautiful, look at all these memories.’

I used to call them crinkly lines. The first thing a child draws when a pencil gets into her little hands.

We got to her door. The nurse tapped on her door and opened it slowly.

“Look who is here,” said Fiona, with her calm voice.

She was wearing a flowery dress and a beautiful pearl necklace around her neck. Her hair was in a pretty bun, carefully arranged, adorned with a hairpin.

“Oh, my handsome son-in-law,” she said while reaching for Daniel. She loved him. Maybe after all my attempts, he was the redemption.

The nurse left the room.

We had to act fast.

“You know, Dan, it's a special day for me,” she said while choosing the earrings that matched her outfit.

"Yes, we will visit daddy," I said without hesitation.

"Oh, so I got a day off from Fiona?" she asked excitedly.

"Well, I didn't ask her," I responded quickly.

They were staring at each other and questioning me with their eyes. Dan tried to encourage me.

"Come on ladies, hurry up!" he said while opening the door.

I felt like I'm some kind of thief or kidnapper. My heart was beating like a drum as we were sneaking into the hallway. With every step, my breathing got heavier. Mom was silent and followed my commands. We were almost at the back door when I heard Fiona shouting something. Our steps got faster and the goal was closer.

I let her use the first seat, to watch the colorful leaves falling down.

“You know, Michael hated autumn. He said the only real season is summer,” she said while admiring the baby blue sky.

*

Finally. The goal was within a reach. Suddenly, mom went from happy to silent. I helped her to get to the grave. The cemetery was small. Some fresh flowers on the graves, a few steps in the mud, and burned to stump candles.

I could see his smile from meters. He was a real handsome man, with a lot of women around him. But he loved just one. The woman who was standing next to me.

A true love story. Two young souls, with almost nothing, linked their future. An indissoluble bond. He could read everything from my mother's eyes and face.

She got closer to that old picture and stroked his face. A whole life together. Forty unforgettable years. So many wonderful experiences. Smiles. Tears. Joy. Sadness. Forgiveness. Release. Resignation.

"He would be proud of you," she said with a tear rolling down her cheek.

"It's your anniversary, you have to spend this day together, " replied with a constricted throat.

A playful breeze stirred the bush beside us.

It was him.

Watching the love of his life.

Staying with her.

Until the end of time.