Duality

Gazing into the bathroom mirror, half-there, as she does... because who'll listen to this stuff... "as if I'd admit some of this stuff to anyone mara!" She caught herself thinking...

"Sigh... if only there were a way to talk to her, get to her...", she said to herself, "there is though! Technically..." "sigh... my special one, my everything, my one and all, my-... sigh!..." she stopped herself from going into too-painful territory, as she absentmindedly wrote their initials in a heart in the steam of the mirror with her finger, as she can't help doing every time, "I love and miss her so much... she has no idea even... not that she can but still... I love and miss her so, her, us, our special relationship too much, including that oh-so-very important part I don't know if anyone will ever know about... and it was just... indescribable... and perhaps I'm the biggest... something... for being unable to still replay it all in my head, or at least the worst parts, but perhaps it's better that way... or is it... honestly, I don't even know, vele, it's all such a mess hey... but we were the happiest together, and have always been, except when others had to ruin it! Why couldn't-... but she... sigh... anyway... but I, we!, need each other and us! She knows that deep down, I know it... especially after everything!..."

"and fok, she has to get it through her thick head what really true love, loyalty, devotion, etc are! Even if I have to metaphorically beat it into her thick/sick head/self!"

Suddenly there seemed to be a sort of flash for a nanosecond. She almost didn't see it or notice... almost... but no such luck. She had to, didn't she?

"Wh-... I must be more tired than I thought, I need to get to bed..."

And off to bed she pushed herself...

A few hours later, she awoke and in her half-asleep daze, stumbled out and away to go to the bathroom.

As she washed her hands, she caught a glance of the mirror, and this time, she thought she saw...- "nah, it couldn't be... could it? I mean..."

Catching herself starting to question it,

"Okay, but like, you've seen yourself like what, a bajillion times? (Yah you can't look at yourself right now but that's besides the point hey) And you know how your mind works... not that it can't be real too, more like it's impossible it can't be somehow, somewhere, whatever, but like..."

Focusing, or trying to at least, but yet still questioning whether that was just a continuation of one of her many peculise dreams she is used to having, or... or... I mean, she knows better than (almost?) that anything is possible and real and therefore one cannot say with certainty that anything is not real, or at least in most cases...

And that's when she fell off of her train of thought by seeing herself, a different her, or was it?, move independently.

"Wh-"

"What's happening?" She replied to herself

"I don't know... but..."

"You're me!"

"No, you're me!"

"Oh, I'm me and that's all I know, I don't know about you..."

"And I'm me. No... I guess, we're both..."

"Right..."

"Well, I don't know what's happening but-"

"But you definitely need help, because you keep staring in this mirror and writing things in the steam and crying in the shower and-"

"Yah okay, I got it..."

"Well you're lucky I'm here, in any case. Because you don't seem to be making any progress. And SOMEONE needs to speak up..."

"Yah well..."

"Well, yah. You need to stick up for yourself and telling her, it can be done without being a bitch about it or anything, you know..."

"Yah I know... but considering how she is..."

"Yes, well, be that as it may."

"Look, I don't know how long this'll last but before it does, just remember what I've said, and you should message her ASAP. You know this is wrong as well."

"Yes... okay, I'll do my best."

"I suppose that'll do... for now..."

"Okay, thanks for the confidence..."

"You know what I mean"

"Listen, we'll find each other when the time is right, and perhaps if you've any ideas... but I'm sure we will because you need me, let's face it. Because you're just too nice to, and not always in the most beneficial way, to put it that way."

And with an eye roll being the only response, she looked back to see her, herself, gone...

Shaking her head, she went back to bed, not sure if she'd dreamt it at all or if...

"Deep breath, you gotta do this..."

and in a moment of bpd mood intensity, and not the best kind, which may or may not have been the wisest decision, but here we are... she word-vomited a message and closing her eyes, she sent.

Moments later, she saw something was being typed and with her heart in her throat, she took a deep breath and waited for it to come.

Perhaps as expected, while it didn't start off well, it soon wasn't so no more...

But they did finally have a talk, albeit short, and she started (perhaps foolishly) hoping and praying for the best... that from now on...

and of course it fell through... as always... and to the mirror she kept trying to connect with, with the steam writing, and sometimes it'd be just writing back, sometimes she got to talk for a moment... as if it were someone else, yet skipping her mind that actually... it's not... but she didn't give up on herself... or shall it be said, "herself" then bit by bit, however minute, at least at first, and with time, and encouragement from herself (or "herself"? Perhaps?), she started getting her confidence back, and her special one back too.

Because after all, even when others can't or aren't there for you, if you're not there for yourself, and you don't have yourself, then you don't have the one who's most important