I am me and I am part of something great

It started out like any other day. I woke up and heard my Mama shuffling around down stairs. 

“Kara! Please tell me you're up. We are going to be late again.”   

I ripped my blanket off of me and yelled. 

“Yeah Mama. I’m up!” 

Instantly she yelled up the stairs.

“Can you please help me finish getting  your brother ready? I need to finish getting dressed for work. Mr.Morrison won’t have be lookin’ a mess in the office again today.” 

Mr. Morrison, he was a simple minded white man that was always on Mama’s tail. Nothing my mom seemed to be good enough for the man. Even if she was late to pick up my brother and me 10 times already this month because he had some last minute work for her that just had to be done that minute. It was either that or he scheduled a late meeting not letting her know that would go well past 7pm.

Luckily, we just had to walk 2 blocks to get to school and Mama gave me a key so Curtis and I could get in the house. I knew how to pour milk and cereals so we had breakfast for dinner most nights. I hated that man, Mr. Morrison, but my Mama would never quit her job, she needed it to take care of my brother and me. 

I rushed to get dressed, jeans, my favorite green sweater and tennis shoes. I used my comb, and hair gel to quickly put up my hair, then I ran down stairs to Mama and Curtis. 

“Here I am Mama. I’ll  finish gettin Curtis ready!” 

“I don’t need help. I am 5 years old.” 

“That’s why you already messed up your school shirt right?” 

“MOM!” 

“Please can you two not fight. I will be ready in 2 minutes, make sure you guys are ready to go. Kara can you get Curtis a new shirt?” 

I shook my head yes and went to the back room to grab Curtis a clean shirt from the dryer. Within 2 minutes just like my Mama said we were out the door. It was a 6 minute walk to school. We were just about to get to the front steps when we heard the bell rang. This prompted a quick kiss goodbye from Mama and I took Curtis’s hand as we ran up the stairs to not be marked late.

School went by as normal up until the last 10 minutes when the bully of the class decided to pick on me. 

Billy and Jack moved to my table, I thought to do their work, but instead they started talkin. 

“You know last night I heard my Daddy talking about a black boy that got shot 10 miles away. He said ‘Good riddance, he was probably selling drugs.'"

Billy then looked right at me.

“Hey Kara do you know any boys that sell drugs?”  

I wasn’t doin nothin to him. Why was he tryin to hurt me? I kept my head down and kept writing in my journal for our assignment. 

“Hey Kara. I’m talking to you.” 

“Man Billy, I guess all black people must be dumb.” 

I wasn’t going to let him get to me. I just kept doing my assignment. I looked up at the clock 5 more minutes until I could leave and pick up Curtis from Kindergarten.   

“Yeah, I bet she knows a lot of drug dealers, heck I bet her mom is a drug dealer too and that's why she doesn’t always  pick her and her brother up from school. Probably lost track of  time selling some drugs around the corner. Better watch out Kara or your mom might be next.” 

Billy and Jack started laughing. 

I turned my head farther away from them, tears streaming down my face. The bell rang and I ran out of the classroom and all the way down to the kindergarten wing. 

Mrs.B, Curtis’s teacher, saw my face and looked shocked. 

“Kara what’s wrong? What happened?” 

“Nothin Ms. Where is Curtis?” 

“Here I am.” 

I grabbed Curtis’s hand and pulled him out front to where Mama was waiting for us. Even though I should have been happy that she got off of work on time to get us, all I could think about was Billy and Jack. The thought brought on even more tears that streamed down my face.

“Kara baby? What’s wrong?” 

“Nothin Mama. Let’s just go home.” 

I pulled at her arm so we didn’t bump into Billy and Jack. 

This was the worst day ever. 

***

When we got to the house I ran straight up the stairs and threw myself on my bed cryin. I thought to myself as my head was buried into my hands. Why do I have to be black? Why can’t I be a part of something good? What is so good about being black and everyone assumin we up to no good? I wish I wasn’t just some black girl! 

I cried harder with these thoughts. Thinking I was even worse of a person for havin these thoughts. My mom came up stairs and tapped on my door. 

“Baby?” 

She walked in and sat next to me. 

“Kara, what happened today at school?” 

“Nothin.” 

“Kara this ain’t nothin. This is definitely somethin’” 

“Mama it was nothin. I am just cryin. Please leave me alone.”

Mama sat there with her hand on my back, movin her thumb up and down. Hummin ‘you are my sunshine’ just like she did when I was little or when Curtis and I are upset like this. I then start to drift off to sleep. Thinkin Mama is going to wake me to talk, she doesn’t and I end up fallin straight to sleep. 

*** 

I wake up and Mama is gone. It is dark in my room and the only light is coming from my window and the full moon outside. I realize I am hungry since I missed dinner. I open my door to go downstairs when I realize I’m not in my house anymore. This is not my hallway. I then start to hear some music and follow it to the door at the end of the hall. When I get to the door it feels a lot warmer, I open it up, walk inside and the music is very loud at first. Even with the music as loud as it was I hear a sweet voice come from behind me.

“Hey sugar. Are you lost?” 

“Uh, I guess. I thought I was home.”

“You are home, baby.  You are in the house of Jazz. I hear Mr.Armstrong is already bustin 'out. You goin want to stick with me honey.” 

I follow her just out of the instinct of a kid followin an adult. We walked through a sea of people. People were standin around, sitting at tables and drinking. In front of us was a stage where I saw a group of people with instruments playing their hearts out. My jaw drops and there are stars in my eyes, they are amazing. I got goosebumps and helped a warmth inside me. I then noticed the lady I was following was lookin as me smilin. She got a little closer so I could hear her better.

“You said you wished you weren’t black no more. You realize you mean you're giving up this begging a part of you. “ 

“Wait….how do you know? I aint a relative of Louis Armstrong.” 

“No. But you are black and he’s black and he is a part of your culture. Have pride in that. You know his solos in jazz started the transformation of the music in the 1920s to what you can find in your time? It is a really big deal. ” 

“No it's not. No one listens to them no more. Who cares what he did?” 

“Who cares? A lot of people do and if Louis Armstrong isn’t making my point how about Ms.Holiday?” 

The woman snapped her fingers. The warm yellow light of the stage changed to a subtle blue light and a beautiful woman that looked like coulda been my Auntie Kat. 

“Her singing then paved the way for others in music after her like Jimi Hendrix.” 

She snapped her fingers again. 

“Gloria Gaynor.” 

Snap

“Bob Marley” 

Snap

“Prince” 

Snap

“Whitney Houston” 

Snap

“Tupac”

Snap

“Jay-Z” 

Snap

“And the beautiful and talented Beyonce. Their music is all different from one another but have played a big part in America’s music. Even President Barack Obama has noted how these musicians have helped the country “to dance, to express our faith in song, to march against injustice and to defend our country’s enduring promise of freedom and opportunity for all.” Isn’t that something you can be proud of?” 

I looked at her a little overwhelmed, but I knew she was right. I should be proud, but so what, it was just music.

I asked her question with a “Yeah, I guess.” 

She huffed at me. 

“Alright, I can see you need a little more convincin.” 

Once again she snapped her fingers but this time the whole room changed. 

*** 

An art gallery had formed around us and I was staring at a sculpture that was a dark brown face staring right at me. It could look like Curtis once he grows up. 

“This is a portrait sculptor made by the great Agusta Savage. Her artwork was considered to help lead the African American literary and artistic movement of the 1920s and 30s.” 

“It is beautiful. So she would be a part of my culture too?” 

“Yes she would sugar!” 

Snap

The art gallery now turned into a library and there were 2  large book stands. It was covered with books with the authors’ pictures right next to em. These were all writtin by black people just like me. One the first book stand was books by Maya Angelou, James Balwin, Amiri Baraka,W.E.B. Du Bois all from back in the day. The 2nd had books from authors I’ve seen in my school’s library. Angie Thomas, Jacqueline Woodson, Mildred D. Taylor and Jason Reynolds. 

I look up at the woman who was still standing besides me. 

“I am starting to see what you are gettin at.” 

“Good. You should see how amazing you can be just like those before you! Our race isn’t all artists though. We have some incredible minds that have made some great strides.” 

Snap

A theater showed up right in front of my eyes. There were two theater chairs, we went up to them and sat down. Pictures started to show up on the screen and the woman next to me started to narrate. 

“Mae C. Jemison is an American astronaut and physician.  She is the first African American woman admitted into NASA’s astronaut training program. Then we have George Washington Carver, he was born a slave, but did that stop him from succeeding no! He went on to become one of the most prominent scientists and inventors of his time. Patricia Bath, an American ophthalmologist and inventor known for being the first African American woman doctor to receive a patent for a medical invention. These are only a few of the amazing scientists that are all a part of our culture. 

Next are our politicians, John Mercer Langston was the first African American to win a congressional election in the state of Virginia. Shirley Chisholm, she became the first African American congresswoman in 1969. Ron Brown, he was the first African American to serve as U.S. secretary of commerce. Barack Obama, I know you know who he is, he was the 44th president of the United States and the first African American to serve in the office. There were civil rights activists  that helped make a difference for so many black Americans, Huey Newton, Malcom X, Dr.Martin Luther King. There were also really important Black-Americans in our military. Henry Johnson, he was part of the 369th Infantry Regiment, which became known as the “Harlem Hellfighters,” was an all-African American unit in World War I. He was awarded the U.S. Medal of Honor by President Barack Obama in 2015. Melvin Morris  was another Black-American military hero that was presented with the Medal of Honor by President Barack Obama for his actions in Vietnam. These two are part of a large community of others that put their life on the line for this country and have done amazing things for their fellow members.”

The screen faded to black and a light turned on above us. This was so much almost overwhelming. So many black faces had looked back at me. So many I did not know, some I did because of school. I was Kara, I was so much more than that though. I looked at the woman sitting next to me. I could only say two words.

“I understand.” 

“Good. Never let anyone tell you who you are, never let their prejudices change your attitude about the culture you are part of. Okay sugar?” 

I smiled. Happy tears streaming down my face. 

“Thank you.” 

The woman held my hand and then wipes the tears. 

“Now enough of that. Go. Go and be something great! It's time for you to wake up now.”  

I closed my eyes. 

*** 

I opened my eyes and I was back in my room. It was later, but not as dark as before. I could smell Mama’s cookin. I got up and left my room. I was back home. I went down stairs and saw Curtis doing some letter trace homework and Mama stirring some pasta in a pot with sauce. 

She saw me from the corner of her eye. 

“Kara! Are you feeling okay? Are you ready to talk about what happened today at school?” 

“Yeah Kara! Why were you crying today? Are you okay?”

I thought about it for a second and the memories of my dream filled my mind. An overwhelming warmth of happiness filled up inside me. I couldn’t help but smile. I looked down at my hands and saw their beautiful brown color. Who cares what Billy and Jack said to her. What matters most is how I see me. What matters most is who I see in me. I did not feel like talking about Billy or Jack right now.  I looked at my little brother Curtis and saw all the amazing things he will be able to accomplish. I looked at Mama and saw a strong black woman! Never will the thought cross my mind again of wishing to be anything else other than me. My name is Kara and I am part of something GREAT.