Level of Distress

Trigger warning: suicidal thoughts

Kara pressed the buttons on the intercom's panel, trying to keep holding the plastic bags that started to slip between her fingers. She opened the glass door, holding it with her leg while putting the bags on the floor inside the building. She pressed the button, calling the elevator, the door slammed behind her. She let out a long breath, and picked her bags, trying to hold them all. She watched the elevator's door awkwardly holding way too many bags than what she is capable to.

Ding.

The elevator's door opened, and Kara clumsily step inside. She pushed the button, tightening her grip, while the door slide in front her, and the elevator started to move upward.

The lights flickered and then shut down. Kara look upward, when the elevator slowed down and suddenly stopped. Her eyes widened with panic as she started pushing the buttons on the panels, desperately hoping for the elevator to move. After a minute she had no choice, but to face the harsh truth. She is stuck in the elevator. She put down the bags, and pulled out her phone, her heart pounding loudly.

She took a deep breath, while searching for the house keeper's number. She pressed dial, waiting for what felt like eternity, until the call was transferred to the voicemail. She ended the call, usually she felt relieved when she could avoid phone call, but this time, she just felt her stomach filled with anxiety. She just wanted to disappear. She felt the walls starting to close on her, her head started spinning. She felt the elevator falling under her feet. Her breathing getting faster and her chest aching.

Ring.

The ringing phone interrupted her thoughts, forcing her to shift her focus. Kara never felt so happy to receive a phone call, like this time.

"Hi." She said, her voice shaking.

"Hi, you called me?" The housekeeper asked from the other side.

"Yes." Kara said, shaking, her head hurting. She could hear so many voices, screaming inside her head in panic.

"I am stuck in the elevator, I think the power is out." She managed to blurt out, barely breathing.

"really? I'll be there in few minutes, don’t worry."

"thanks." Kara let out a little nervous smile.

Click.

She let out a sigh of relief, leaning on the wall and looking up. It will be over soon. She kept saying that to herself. Just a little longer and she can get back to the safety of her apartment. She felt like the whole world stopped moving. Seconds felts like hours.

She looked at her phone. It has been less than a minute since she talked to the housekeeper. She sat down, hugging her legs and surrounded by plastic bags filled with groceries. She felt the sadness filling her. Sneaking in like an uninvited old friend, whispering in her ears. 

'Jeez. You can't even wait a minute without bothering other people.'

She shut her eyes close, trying to ignore the voices.

'The electricity probably going to return soon, and you couldn't even wait without being absolutely useless.'

No. No. It's okay. It's a real problem. It's fine. Everything is fine.

'You are so useless. All you do is being burden on other people.'

No. No. It's not true.

She put her hands on her ears, trying to block the voices, but they kept echoing in her mind.

'You keep wasting everyone's time.'

No.

She clenched her hands, hurting her head.

'You don't deserve it. You are so useless. Pathetic.'

No. That's not true.

Her head started throbbing in pain.

'Maybe it will be better if the elevator will fall down with you inside. At least you'll relieve this world from your burden.'

No! Make it stop!

"Hello?"

The voice, followed by knocks, snapped Kara out of her spiral of thoughts.

"I'm here!" She tried to shout, her voice hoarse and shaky. She quickly stood up, getting close to the door.

"Do you know which floor you are on?" The housekeeper asked.

"I'm not sure, but between the first one to the fourth one." Kara said, trying to keep it together, while she felt her inside falling apart. She felt so relieved and anxious at the same time, her head spinning.

"I see, I'll go up. Tell me when I'm getting closer."

"Okay." Kara nodded, her heart heavy.

"Oh, I think I see the elevator, I'm pretty sure you are between the second and the third floor. Let me check from the third floor."

"Ok. Your voice definitely closer than the first floor." Kara immediately felt the need to facepalm herself. He already said he that. She felt her face getting hot, and she just wanted to disappear.

'You are so annoying.'

She felt her stomach twisting. She herself pulled her hands together, hugging herself.

'If you are useless that you can't help, at least don't interrupt.'

Her eyes started stinging. She closed her eyes hugging herself even tighter, pressing so hard on her stomach it hurt.

"Yeah"

Kara opened her eyes.

"I'm pretty sure I see the elevator from here. Do you hear me louder than the first floor?"

Kara nodded nervously and then remembered he can't see her.

"Yes." Kara said as loud as she could, her eyes filled with tears.

"Good. Good." The housekeeper mumbled to himself.

"I'm going to the basement to get the elevator down to the second floor. I'll come to help you the door after that, for now get away from the door."

"Ok." Kara said, hearing the footsteps of the housekeeper fading as he got further.

Something wet rolled on her cheek. She quickly wiped the tear away and started to pick up her bags. Just a little longer. Just a little longer until she gets to the safety of her apartment.

Her legs trembled and she almost lost her balance when the elevator started to slowly move down.

She moved her hand forward, hesitating if she should try to open the door, when she remembered she was holding her bag. She put them down quickly, feeling her head spinning. She felt so exhausted. Her body felt so weak. She just wanted to sleep. To disappear.

"You can try opening the door now."

The voice of the housekeeper came from the first floor, a bit faded.

Taking a deep breath she gripped the door trying to slide it. She felt her fingers getting sore, as she desperately struggled to keep holding the door. She felt the door sliding a little bit. She clenched her fingers over the door and pushed her legs against the floor, pulling even harder. She felt the door open. It felt way too easy for her. It took her few seconds to realize the housekeeper pulled from the other side.

"Here we go." The housekeeper said when the door was wide open.

"Thank you." Kara said, her eyes filled with tears of relief, starting to pick her bags.

"No problem. That's part of the job."

Kara nodded nervously, stepping outside the elevator.

"I think you should take the stairs for the rest of the floor." The housekeeper said with a smile.

"Yeah, for sure." Kara said quietly, forcing herself to smile.

"Thanks again." She said, before she started to go up the stairs.

"No problem." The housekeeper said with a smile.

She climbed up the stairs, barely stepping on the next step. The stairs never felt so long. Stupid stairs. She tried to count them, but by the time she arrived at the third floor she already gave up. One more floor. Just one. She took a deep breath and started climbed the stairs with new determination.

She felt so relieved when she finally arrived at her door. Her hand shaking when she tried to enter the key into the keyhole. In her third try she finally managed to unlock the door. She opened the door, putting down all the bags, and closing the door with her foot. This time she managed to lock the door on her first try. Her legs trembled as she collapsed on the floor. She felt so exhausted. She wanted just to stay on the floor and cry, but she felt so tired that she couldn't even cry. Her eyes staring aimlessly, her whole body aching.

After what felt like an eternity, she finally managed to gather up the will power to stand up and go back to her life.