Birthday

There had been worse birthdays.

1. When she turned six, her mother had taken her to the circus. It was her first time going, and she had been in awe of the acrobats, flipping through the air. After the show she was going to meet them. The entire thing had been arranged by her mother, who was running her hands along the strong man as she waited in the center ring.

A blur of red was seen in her peripheral. She looked to the other side. More red. Then a big bundle of red barreling towards her, sweeping her off her feet.

Contrary to her adoration of acrobats, she was terrified of heights. 

Evidentially, she could add clowns to that list.

She cried to be let down, but the clowns all held her in the air and twirled her round in circles, her face wet in fear. Her yells for her mother fell on deaf ears, too distracted by what those big muscles would do once her daughter went to bed. 

They set her down, pulling an infinite stream of hankies from their pocket.

Not her favorite birthday.

2. Perhaps worse yet was her nineteenth birthday. She had gone out of town for a hike in the supposedly most scenic spot around. So many trees for miles. Trees that all looked the same, with no way to differentiate left from right, or if she had already passed it four times before. She was pretty sure she had, unless there was a dog with identical bathroom habits leaving giant presents for her to step in.

Luckily she had brought a towel.

Unluckily, she hadn't brought anything to put the towel in, and she did not want poop in her backpack. So she had eaten her carrot sticks to free up the baggie to tuck away the towel. 

That was two hours ago.

She had made herself reservations for birthday dinner, so she hadn't brought any more than a snack. It was getting dangerously close to when she was supposed to be headed to the restaurant. Yet there she was, passing the same tree, with nobody around to point her towards the car. 

Her table was given to someone else, and she got fast food on the drive back home. Nothing said birthday like losing a french fry down her shirt in the middle of bumper to bumper traffic.

3. Ever since single digits, she had been asking for a cat. All her friends had pets, like hamsters and dogs, and Tommy's snake, but she wanted a cat. They wouldn't be locked in a cage or have to be fed dead mice, and they would fit in the one bedroom apartment she shared with her mother.

When she hit double digits, her mother caved.

Her tenth birthday she opened her gifts, finding a ball. At first she was confused. Her mother wasn't great at gifts, but she trudged on, opening another. It was a bowl. 

The next gift was a bag of kitten food. That was a bit more obvious. 

"Mama?"

A tiny cat got placed in her arms. A baby calico mewing at her, precious eyes wide in curiosity. 

She sneezed.

Again, a sneeze. 

"Time for cake, Penelope." Not wanting to let go of her new friend, she sat down and sneezed again. On the cake.

Her cousin squinched her face.

That year they only ate ice cream.

4. For her eighth birthday she had thought they had forgotten about her. It was a Saturday that year, and her grandmother had insisted that she come help her clean out her attic with her. She begrudgingly agreed.

No matter how many hints she tried to drop, they all fell flat. The woman acted like she knew nothing. The only thing she had given her was a turkey sandwich and lemonade. Lots of lemonade.

Like an entire pitcher of lemonade. Which she sucked up with zeal and a swirly straw, because she loved guzzling it down.

Having it run down her leg in surprise when she opened the door to her apartment, yeah, not so lovely.

Turns out she had indeed remembered her birthday. She had been the distraction.

Every kid from her second grade class was there.

Every kid saw her wet her pants in shock. She had run straight to her room, peeling off the wet pants before collapsing onto her bed. Tommy had chased after her, and saw her butt sticking up in the air, naked as the day she was born.

In her friend's defense, he had brought a towel, and told her everyone else was being bribed with cake to not make fun of her, because eight year olds could be brutal.

She didn't drink lemonade after that.

5. The next birthday was just as embarrassing for her. Her mother had made her plenty aware of the party to avoid any repeat spectacles. 

She had rented a hotel room, and got them access to the hotel pool. She had even gone so far as to buy Penelope a new swimsuit, a tankiki, her first two piece. It was rainbow, tied at the neck.

She had triple knotted that thing. There would be no accidental flashing of her classmates. Even if that meant accidentally trapping a chunk of hair, which would get yanked out later that day when she tried to get the knot undone.

The shallow end was a perfectly comfortable place for her to play. She had only given up water wings last week, finally feeling brave enough to swim without them. Nine year olds are too old for wings.

Her friends had been playing chicken, and she was on top of Tommy's shoulders. He swore he had a good grip on her, and that she wouldn't fall, because the birthday girl has to win. Only jerks beat the birthday girl.

Bethany was a jerk. Also, her cousin, and the girl who had knocked her so hard backwards that she fell into the deep end and nearly drowned.

Nearly, because the life guard jumped in and rescued her. Gave her a set of water wings and sat her on the edge of the shallow end to kick her feet until she recovered.

She was not going to recover from the shame.

6. It wasn't just a problem with her youth. It was her fiftieth birthday when her friends had convinced her to throw a birthday party in her flat. 

She had invited everyone she was close to, and they brought their plus ones. There was this gorgeous cake. Her best friend had made it, three layers, Neapolitan, with yellow and chocolate cake, and a strawberry buttercream, with Neapolitan ice cream that everyone had to eat with their cake forks, because the spoons had been forgotten at the store. 

Tommy had curated a playlist of all her favorite music, and everyone was dancing and mingling. It was perfect.

Save for one small detail.

Someone had gone into her room and stolen all the credit cards out of her wallet. It had been tucked away in a drawer out of sight, so they had obviously taken the time to look for it. She didn't peg any of her friends for a thief. All those plus ones though, she wasn't sure. 

She hadn't noticed until that night when she had run out post party to pick up stain remover. Somebody had spilt wine on her couch, and she was not going to leave the stain for morning. Reaching the counter, she opened up to an empty wallet. The stain remover got left behind, the cards cancelled, the couch ruined.

She buried her frustration in leftover cake.

7. For her sixteenth birthday, she wasn't expecting a car. A lot of girls in her grade had been given them by their rich daddies. She was in a single parent household, and even with her mother dating a rich man, he wasn't going to lay down a few thousand for his not daughter.

He did however let her rent his amusement park for the day, biting the lost ticket sales. Which was pretty generous in her eyes. Granted it was early May, and the park wasn't super busy anyway, but the man had hardly glanced her way since starting his relationship with her mother, and had given her more than her. Mother had given her a scrunchie.

"It'll keep the hair out of your face. And you can put it around your door knob when you have boys over so I know not to disturb you."

Had her mother given her permission to have sex?

Maybe. Didn't matter. She had invited her crush to the party, hoping to ride the tallest coaster with him. Yes, she was still mildly afraid of heights. It would mean clutching onto him for dear life.

He would let her, and kiss her once they hit the ground, glad that she had made it.

His lips were on another girl's. 

"This seat taken?" Tommy slid up next to her, following her eyes to the attached lips in front of them. Sensing her internal destruction, he scooted closer, taking her hand. 

The ride was terrifying, and her lunch threatened to come back up. He helped her onto the bench, head between her knees.

From there she couldn't see the boy breaking her heart.

8. On her twenty first birthday, she was supposed to go to the bar with her friends. They were going to buy her a drink, her first. 

She was feeling brave that night. Tommy was going to be there, and she was going to ask him out, with a little liquid courage. If he said no, she'd blame it on the buzz.

She was hoping he wouldn't say no. They'd known each other since kindergarten, and he'd given her the tingles since spring break. It may have been before then, but she hadn't admitted it until he had twinkled his eyes at her in the moonlight as they skinny dipped in the lake. It had been his idea, and he had snuck up on her from behind, pulling her in for a hug.

Was that a fish, or was he excited to see her? 

Bethany had cannonballed in down the way, and they had shot apart, darting up onto land to grab towels. She had ruined everything.

When she had come to pick Penelope up, she had insisted they take the elevator. It was only three flights of stairs, but she was in stilettoes, and she was not going to do stairs in heels. So she agreed to take the elevator down.

The power went out. She was trapped in an elevator with her self absorbed cousin. The one who, as it turned out, had a thing for her best friend Tommy, who she had dressed to impress tonight. 

Dressed meaning hardly covering anything, making it entirely uncomfortable to look at her as she sat on the ground, splaying out her legs. 

"Your friend Tommy, he's single, right?" 

"Yeah." She averted her eyes. "Why?"

"I'm going to do naughty things to him tonight."

It was a good thing her head was turned. She didn't need to see the tears pricking at her eyes.

9. On her thirtieth birthday, her mother got drunk. Which to be fair, wasn't different than any other day that year, as she had fallen for a bar tender and blew through her boyfriend's paycheck cheating on him while he worked late cheating on her with his secretary. It was scandalous.

Which was why Penelope was surprised to hear her mother chew her out for not having her life together. 

"You're thirty now, Pen, and what have you to show for it? A minimum wage job, no kids, no house?"

Quote the unemployed mooch living off disability fraud in an apartment, with one emotionally destroyed kid. She'd rather not ruin a child's life, thank you.

She could have pointed this out. She could have taken her glass away, or told her that she was going home, because a free meal was not worth getting berated. Especially considering the steak was overcooked, and the salad was wilted.

Instead she bit her tongue. 

"Well, I for one think you've blossomed into quite the beautiful lady." Tommy set a hand on her knee. His ring pressed into her leg. It was a new feeling, and she could feel the weight of her matching ring on her own finger.

It had been a happy birthday.

"She could stand to lose a few pounds." Her mother took another sip of her wine.

He pushed his chair back from the table and pulled his fiancé back. "In that case, we better not finish dinner. Don't need all those extra calories, right?"

They left, a string of insults getting hurled at her back.

So much for a happy birthday.

10. They say that the good die young. She doesn't know what defines young, but she's still here, turning sixty three, and he's gone. He's been gone for three months, and four days. 

He had been driving home on Valentine's Day from work. Some idiot blew through the light, car full of balloons and flowers and chocolates. It had blocked his view of Tommy's car.

Tommy didn't make it.

Now here it was, that three months, four days, five hours later, on her worst birthday ever. He had booked them a trip on a cruise. She was standing on the deck, leaning over the edge, trying to tell herself no. She was not going to throw herself overboard.

It was just another rotten birthday. The worst yet, because he wasn't there to save her.

"Happy birthday!" A cupcake wielding well wisher came up from behind.

Startled, she stumbled and fell. She could see the deep blue waiting beneath her. Maybe it would be happy after all.

She let the water swallow her.