Finally

Finally....

Not everyone is perfect. It is foolish for a perpetrator to know that something is wrong.

My name is Zin Mon. I live in Myanmar also known as Burma. In our country, most parents believe that the results of the matriculation (Grade-11) exam are the deciding factor in their children lives.

When I was in Grade-11, my parents were poor and they could only send me to a government school. While others were taking good tuition outside, I was able to get help from a tutor and get a scholarship for his tuition. But I gave back a job to my teacher that is I went to my teacher's house even Sundays and washed his family clothes. That means give and take? Anyway, I didn't mind on that.

Unexpectedly, four months before my final exams, my tutor stopped teaching me. I'm upset. I feel so sad. I blamed my parents for not getting good tuition because of lack of money. At that time, I hated my teacher who stopped teaching me. I walked outside in a frustrated mood. I play games in internet cafes. I spend a lot of time watching artists. I rode bus from the start to the end.

I was depressed for about two months. My mother tried to sent me to another free tuition. When I reached that tuition, I missed school’s lessons for two months. So I could not follow the teaching. So I did not go to tuition. I don't want to study anymore at that time. My mother was upset when she found out that. I argued with my mother and prepared to leave the house.

Then a thought came to my mind. I am a girl. Where do I go when I get out of the house? With that in mind, I decided to try next exam when I saw my mother crying alone in the backyard. I look back at the lessons. I do not know some of the lessons. No one has to ask even through I don’t understand.But I tried as much as I can.

Then came the exam day. I wrote as much as I could in the exam.

So, four months after the exam, the results came out.

I failed.

My mother was crying. It was an unforgettable sight. My aunt also boiled me. I did not cry. Because I wasted my time when other students are trying. When I went to the house of a friend who took the exam with me, he also fell. His mother told the two of us that “we were useless”.

I came back to my home and thought a lot. When the neighbors asked my mother "Did I pass the exam or not?", she bowed her head and said "didn't pass" modestly.

I decided to retake the exam. At that time, I was taught for free by a group of young teachers who were only two years older than me. I can't go to the school because I'm a repeater.(In our place, repeater can't attend the class next time.) There are four of us, including me. 2 persons are freshers and 2 person are repeaters.

When the freshers are getting lessons more than me, I feel ashamed of myself. When my teachers told me like that "why did not get this lessons? You studied that for a year. you should know that", I wanted to run away. Sometimes my math teacher teaches us with another students, I got embarrassed when I can’t calculate the sum in front of them. Even I got this feeling, I studied math too hard when I have free time.

I do not want to stay home on Sundays. Because of my aunt, who came to visit that day, used to tell me that I was not always useful. I wanted to run away, but there was no place to hide, so I smiled at her words. I stayed away from her when she came to our home.

When I study in silence, I get more and more. So, I studied at night when my family were sleep. I turned on the radio(on-air the whole time) all night and did some math and physics.

One-day my mother takes me to the doctor, she thought that I was going crazy because I laughed alone in the middle of the night. In fact, the story on the night radio was funny. I was turn on the radio quietly, so my mother didn’t hear. She thought I was going crazy. That’s funny.So memorable.

I sleep at daytime and study at night. When my young teacher had exam (their are university students), they can't give many times for us. At time, I was studying in my home alone. I only put about the exam in my head. I want to pass this exam. I don't want to see my mother crying anymore. I don't want to fail this exam second time.

An excuse to fail because I could not afford a good tuition that is not a reason. I knew that I failed because of my stupid. While my classmates were successful and attending various universities, I was responsible for my stupidity. There were people who blamed me and encouraged me when I failed. Some said “If you don't succeed this year, answer again next year.” “Do not be discouraged. If you try, you will succeed.”But their were the most special people for thank.

I was able to respond to those who insulted me with a smile. But now, I did not hate this teacher who stopped teaching on me.

When the exam came, I answered as know as I can, That's my second trying. So I tried my best to pass the exam because I had to survive in a place where only those who passed the university entrance exam were considered to be human beings.

Finally,

My mother would not shed any more tears, and she would not bow down in public.

Because …

I passed the exam.