A father's dilemma

John was restless and rightly so. Next morning was the court hearing when he had to tell the court of his decision to keep his daughter or let go of her custody. Susie was his world, how could he let her go with her maternal grand mother? After Liz died a year ago, he had been single handedly taking care of his five year old daughter. Of course he had to struggle at times when she was cranky, sick or angry. Obviously she missed her mother who had been always there for her. And now she was not. How much the child understood this, he did not know. And he was actually frightened to ask her or discuss the issue. He looked at her now, fast asleep in the couch. She looked so divinely innocent and calm. How will she react if he told her to go and live with granny? Will she be sad to leave or will she refuse to go? He did not know.

What would Liz have wanted? He tried to think from her perspective. Liz would have wanted her daughter to be safe, happy and well looked after. She would have wanted her to have her group of friends in school and her neighbourhood, play and have fun with them. She would have wanted her to have a birthday party every year and get loads of presents. She would have wanted her to have a good education leading to a college degree and be an independent person. She would probably have let her make her own decisions , good or bad, and support her anyways. She would have been her best friend and give her advice when needed. 

Is he capable of doing all this for her for years to come? He was a salesman, selling optical instruments which took him to different cities every once in a while. Of late, he had been avoiding travel but for how long? His superior was supportive but he had a director to answer to. If sales dwindled because of him, then he may be left with no alternative but to fire him. Then how was he going to raise the child? May be he could leave her with her grand parents when he had to travel but Susie will have to bunk school, which was not advisable. 

He did not know when he fell asleep until the alarm went off in the morning. He got up hastily and made breakfast of egg omelettes. Surprisingly, his mind was all cleared up after the night’s sleep. He knew he had to send Susie with her granny if he wanted to ensure a safe, secure and happy life for her. He did not like the idea and Susie too probably will not, but in her best interests, it had to be done. He was sure his daughter may resent him for some time but when she grew up, she would understand his reasons and be thankful. And he had Liz to be thankful to. If he had not thought of what she would have wanted in the present situation, he would have been tormented by his love for Susie on the one hand and her secure future on the other.