Little Boy

A euphoric sense overcame their bodies as their eyes met, their hearts maybe did a flip and drop dead as their eyes traced each other’s face, realizing how much they have changed.

It felt as if their breath was being held back, to her she would think she was about to have a panic attack, to him it was just something related to his asthma. But they both recognized the feeling. The feeling of relaxation slowing going through their veins, the ignition of a spark that was once there but the past blew off that flame.

It was a moment of reconnection.

It felt like the first time they shared their feelings, or the warmth there was when they entwined their hands. The old memory of how it felt like their lips were that cliché phrase of how they fit like a puzzle or something like that.

He made the first move years ago when he came around when he left.

She knew it was her turn to make the first move. She walked up to him; her hands were shaking. He could barely feel his limbs. She didn’t know what she was going to say, it had been so long…

“I’m sorry for your loss” she managed to say, she didn’t feel like it was a moment to say how much she had missed him. He looked at her from head to toe. He had never seen her dress in such dull colors, she always hated wearing black. But she still looked as beautiful as when she would wear her colorful, floral dresses.

“I didn’t think you would come” he admitted. She noticed his hair was a mess, his eyes lost all that joyful color and wonder it always had. “She was my friend, your mom invited me, I felt rude to not come to somewhere she wanted me to be” she felt as if she owed an explanation, even though if she had no fault in the fallout.

“How long are you sticking around for?” He hoped she would answer saying a long time “I’m not sure, it’s weird being back” she was going to stay for long, but she didn’t know if he would like that answer.

“I’m sorry for your loss” he felt the need to say, she chuckled “I knew her our last years in high school, you grew up with her, I don’t think this could hurt me as much as it hurt you”.

“A loss is a loss regardless of the metaphors or excuses you want to put. You were close to her”.

“I’ve had losses that have hit harder” He wished she was talking about him.

There was a short silence between them, He didn’t know what he could say to that. What do you say to that? “She would be very glad to see you came back” was all he could come up with. The tension and emotions they were feeling when they first spotted each other was becoming pure awkwardness.

“I’m not so sure about that, last time I spoke to her was at graduation” when she finished that sentence, she realized how long it really has been, five years. He realized the same thing; all he could think about was how he let so much time slip.

His regret grew even bigger when he looked down at her hand and spotted a ring “Engaged?” He knew the answer, but he felt like by saying it he was giving himself a reality check. Reminding him once more that she was no longer his and that they were not the high school sweethearts anymore.

“Was,” he thought he heard wrong “Or at least not when I return, I’m calling it off” it felt like a bullet hit him with those words. Somehow in a good way.

“I didn’t take you as the one to end something” he immediately regretted those words, she didn’t think much into it, he was right “I’ve changed a lot during college, I can’t believe I let people push me around for so long” he couldn’t tell if she was attacking him, it felt that way though.

He didn’t know if it was right for him to get mad at that comment or not, she was right. He pushed her around so much and still had the nerve to leave her after everything. “I’m sorry”.

“You already said that”.

“I’m not apologizing for that, I don’t know if you’re referring to me, which you probably are but you are right. I’m sorry I treated you so horribly” her heart clenched. She always wanted to hear those words, but she hated that it took him so long to let out two words. “Well if it wasn’t for our breakup I would probably never changed”.

“Do you hate me?” she shook her head “You are the first boy I ever loved, it’s hard to hate you. But I would be lying if I said that I forgive you”.

“I can’t take back five years” he muttered a bit annoyed at the last part “I’m actually glad you can’t” his eyes widen “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means we both needed a reality check, we got it and now we have grown without each other which is good”.

“It hasn’t been good to me” he admitted, she wished that he wouldn’t continue talking, she could already feel as old memories were coming back and she hated every single one of them, “You think I haven’t missed you, I’ve missed you so much”.

She snapped, he was being ridiculous now “You don’t get to say that, you called it off!” she yelled, she was glad that the family members that were there during the memorial had left and it was just the two of them “I called it off cause you were being a baby, a very dumb and stupid one”.

“You expected me to go where you wanted to go, you completely ignored the fact that I had an opportunity somewhere else, you told me to ditch it! For what? So I could become some baby oven and be the cook, the dishwasher, the maid, everything!”

“Did you expect me to give up what I have?”

“I expected you to tell me that we could make this work, that we could make long-distance work, or end things off on a good term, instead you got drunk, fucked some other girl, and called me an insensitive bitch”.

They stared at each other with hatred, she couldn’t believe she gazed at him like something was still there. She thought that a few years would have made him mature, she thought that he had changed, he looked like he did but she was wrong. Maybe she was just deceived by expectations she had before arriving at the funeral, maybe the need for air really was some incoming panic attack trying to warn her from approaching him.

She felt foolish.

He hated her, but not because of what she said, but because she was right, every word she said was a checkbox of things he didn’t know he needed to hear to realize how he was not a man but just some little boy, the same little boy from high school thinking only of himself.

He watched as she walked away, this time she left.