If I Lose Myself

"Are you coming tonight?" my best friend Ren demanded from my half open doorway. It clearly didn't matter that I was curled up on my bed in my favorite pink leopard print pajamas with the latest Jordyn Cassidy novel in hand, or that I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about.

"Well? Are you coming?" she asked again. She shoved the door open further, this time bothering to make a proper entrance to pop down on the bed beside me. I blinked stupidly at her. My brain was still lost in the world of the Outer Haven Chronicles where Sylvan had just admitted his love for Eve, something that could absolutely get them both killed. Never mind that Gavin and Jessica were right there, and even though they were the absolute best of friends Gavin's first priority was to protect Jessica and and and...My eyes drifted longingly back to the page, but suddenly a red gold braid landed in the crease of the book. I sighed, snagged a bookmark from my nightstand, and lay the book down with an audible thunk.

"Oh good. You're paying attention now," Ren chirped. "So... Are. You. Coming?"

"Do I look like I'm going anywhere? Girl. I am in my pajamas! It's freaken cold out there, and Jordyn Cassidy just released Prison Walls Like Diamond Spires! Do you know how long I've waited for this book? Sylvan just straight up..." She rolled her eyes, and I shook my head. "Never mind. Where am I supposed to be coming anyway? I know about the Halloween ball or whatever at school, but that's not until next week, and it's not like I have to stay after I get all the decorations up. The res life people really outdid themselves this year."

"The other Halloween party," Ren sighed and flipped her red gold hair over her shoulder again. For a moment, she looked like some avenging fiery spirit, all red gold hair and copper brown eyes. "The one that hunk of burning love from Lit class invited us to yesterday?"

Hunk of Burning love was Ren's ultimate crush. In reality, he was a loud frat boy named Austin who just happened to have semi decent hair, but he currently made my best friend happy, or at least her day dreams of him made her happy. I was all for it. Going to his party, however, sounded like my worst nightmare, especially when Prison Walls Like Diamond Spires was laying so close with Sylvan's crystal blue eyes staring up at me from the cover.

"Please?" Ren had resorted to begging, and I knew my plans for the evening were unfortunately changing. Frat house here we come. I sat up, and gave Ren a dirty look before glancing longingly at my book again. She grinned, completely ignoring the glare and literally pinballed off my bed as if someone had put a quarter in her machine and pulled the plunger.

"Fantastic! Okay. So it's obviously a costume party. Do you have anything? Did you get your costume yet? I think you did right? You showed me that... Oh goddess. You can't go as a freaken... What were you going as again? The one for next week?"

Round and round the pinball table she went, talking a million miles a minute while half buried in my closet searching for a Halloween costume that was in fact hanging on the door behind her. There was honestly nothing to do but watch the show, so that's exactly what I did.

"Oh here. Wear this. It'll make you look like a countess or something. Way better than that banana costume you sent me pics of..." Hurricane Ren exploded backwards out of the closet carrying a black sequined evening gown that I'd warn to some school sponsored event, and then promptly forgotten about at the back of the closet.

I hated to admit it, but Ren was right. The thing was floor length and strapless. With a bit of dramatic makeup, I could look like a countess, or maybe better yet a bride of Dracula, and suddenly I was excited. I stood, and dove past Ren. Where had I put those red satin pumps? I knew I owned a pair, and they would look amazing with the outfit. I cursed myself and my shoe addiction briefly as I tugged at something I thought might be a wine-colored pump, and an entire pile of shoes tumbled off the rack. A few more tries, and I was ready to give up, but then I finally spotted them hiding on the floor behind the shoe rack.

"Okay. You're right," I said as I clambered backwards over the mess I'd made. Ren grinned, and nodded toward the shoes, approving my choice. "What are you going as?" I asked. I'd failed to notice how she was dressed in all the commotion, but it turned out that my guess of avenging fire spirit hadn't been far from the mark. She wore a deep red dress with gossamer black wings attached, and I spotted a flame colored wand lying on my dresser.

"Fire elemental," she said proudly. "Now get your outfit on, and tell me how you'd like me to transform you. We only have an hour until the party starts!"

Ren was an absolute magician with makeup. The theater department at our school was lucky to have her, and so was I for that matter. Somehow she'd landed herself a best friend who had absolutely no idea how makeup worked, so any time mine needed doing, she was the one to work the magic. Fortunately, all that meant for me was that I had to hold still and watch the transformation. I quickly outlined my plans for bride of Dracula, and Ren grinned. She shoved me down into my desk chair, and produced a makeup kit practically out of thin air.

The next thirty minutes were a flurry of various makeup and hair products tied neatly together by the dance music that blasted from Ren's phone. We were probably driving the entire res hall crazy around us, but it wasn't super late, and quiet hours didn't start until ten at night, so noise levels were fair game. Sylvan still beckoned me from the cover of the novel I'd abandoned on my nightstand, but I was actually somewhat getting into the idea of going out tonight, so he would just have to wait. Sexy vampires had forever anyway right?

Finally, Ren presented a mirror, and I took a look at myself. My already pale skin was even paler, and my eyes had been done in dramatic black and purple shadows making my deep blue irises stand out in stark contrast. My long black hair had been styled in waves, and Ren had somehow added some hints of wine red that only appeared when the light hit them just right. I was honestly intimidated by the woman in the mirror, because there was no way I was seeing myself.

"Presenting Blood Countess Asha Hudson," Ren announced dramatically.

I made the proper noises of appreciation, and then told Ren she was way too good at what she did. Finally, there was nothing left to do but head for the Kappa Gamma Delta frat house where Ren's "hunk of burning love" was probably waiting. I cast one last longing look at Prison Walls Like Diamond Spires, and allowed Ren to push me out of my dorm room.

It was the kind of cold outside where you could tell winter was either at the very beginning or the very end; a jagged dagger of icy wind buried in a disguising pocket of warmer air. Momentarily, I regretted my countess costume, but decided it was worth it. Ren steered me to the passenger side of her cute white VW bug, and we were off.