My Reflection

My Reflection

By: Carlos A. Arce

My eyes pop open, and the sunrays of another God-forsaken day shine down on me. “Great, just great, another day.”

I throw the sheet over myself, searching for the dark and isolation that have become my close friends. The sounds of the outside world start to creep in and scare away the last vestiges of sleep I have. I sit up and curse my chance at life again. “When will you allow me to come home?”

My arms reach up, pointing towards heaven, begging for mercy from my own existence. “Luz, I miss you.”

The tears well up, threatening to overflow as I hang my head in sorrow. I surrender to the call of life. As if he could comprehend my thoughts and feelings, the dog lifted its head to greet me but thought better of it. With a whimper, it lays back down and closes its eyes.

"What is the point of continuing without you, Luz?" I shut my eyes, holding back the tears. "It shouldn't have been you and Ollie."

As my fist hit the granite sink, it ripped open my flesh. A few drops of blood trickled out like tears, and I grab the toothbrush and begin brushing my teeth. The toothpaste foam drops into the sink, mixing with blood and turning pinkish red. "What I would not give to have a second chance with them."

The reflection in the mirror stares back at me as if studying me. There was something oddly alive about it. "Am I going crazy?"

The thumping of my heart fills my ears. Thoughts race around my head as I splash water on my face, taking my breath away. I straighten up as I catch a glimpse of the reflection. "Was my face dry? Not possible."

I take a few steps back as my hands reach to steady me. Small streams of water drip down, and I race out and fall onto the bed. "I must finally be losing my mind."

"Did I actually see what I think I saw?" My mind swirls, analyzing the image like a movie scene on loop. "Everything is the same, right down to the labels."

Poppy, the five-year-old half-chihuahua/miniature pinscher, walks over to me, begging for attention. He licks my arm as I gently scratch his ear. The gentle, wet touch of its tongue on my arm brings back a memory of Ollie playing him. We had gotten it for him to replace the loneliness he felt from not having friends or siblings. Seeing that I had become distracted, the dog returned to its bed right at the foot of ours. That was where Ollie had set it, and it had not moved since Ollie's passing.

Everything in my mind and body paused. “How could I have missed it? Poppy, you are a genius!”

My feet carry me as fast as they can to the mirror. As my eyes dart back and forth, I take in all the details, and the biggest difference is the labels. In the reflection, all the labels would be backwards, and in my blind grief-stricken mind, I did not notice it. I stare harder at the face looking back at me, and the eyes on the reflection brighten, pupils widen, and a slight smile takes shape, but I am not smiling. "Are you really alive?"

In a surreal moment, the reflection attempts to communicate. In the days that followed, we both learned a lot from each other about the small and big differences. Our rough communication with each other was like a game of charades with props. We would pick an item and try gesturing to each other to see if it was similar.

Finally, I had found something to look forward to each day. Some days I would wake to see him in my bedroom mirror, watching me and taking notes. There were days I spotted him in the mirrors of other rooms, looking at Poppy. He motioned for me to set items closer to the mirror, like pictures, newspaper clippings, and personal belongings. I had a strange feeling that he was fast becoming obsessed with me.

One morning, as I was watching him during coffee, he walked away for a break. A shadow moved in the mirror. The shadow danced and threw something up in the air. Up it went, and down it came rhythmically. It hypnotized me. I set my coffee down and began walking slowly towards it. It was about four feet tall and dancing as if in a play.

Then it happened. As time slowed to a crawl, two thin, feminine hands reached down and lifted the small figure up. It then stepped into full view in a white floral dress. My heart stopped, my lips quivered, and a lump formed in my throat. My shaking hand touched the frame as tears spilled out of my eyes. "L-Lu-Luz!" 

"Mi amor, My Luz." The words, imperceptible and shaky, spilled out. "I have missed your touch, your voice, all of you."

"You have come back to me again." The tears were pouring out like a river. Struggling to keep standing, my knees threatened to buckle under me. The memories began flooding back as she danced, her hair and dress twirling around like a ballerina. She danced until she vanished behind a wall. I began to cry, not being able to bear the emotions anymore. 

"Please, Lord, just give me another glimpse, please."

I stood waiting, but they did not reappear. I ran around the house like a crazed man, seeking answers. In not one single mirror were they visible.

I sat in the kitchen, biding my time in hopes of seeing them. After a long period of waiting, he appeared, and I saw him rummaging through the drawers. Confusion filled me at the sight of a cleaver being pulled out, and he walked away. "What are you doing?"

Without looking over at me, he paced away with a cleaver in hand. Thoughts began to run through my mind at the unusual turn of events. What could possibly be happening over there? I wondered. I paced back and forth. "What are you going to do with that cleaver?"

Terror took me as I saw him walk into view with a cleaver in one hand and the family cat in the other. Fear and paralysis overcame me as he slammed the cat onto the kitchen table with the cleaver above his head. In one swift motion, the cleaver swung down, slicing through the cat and sending blood flying in all directions. The cat released its grip, and its body went limp. The doppelganger dipped one finger in blood and marched toward the mirror. Then he slid it across the mirror. His finger left a trail of blood running, and I read it in full horror. "4 U."

"For me, what? Why?" Panic set in. "No, you cannot do this." 

Without thinking in full panic mode, I hit the wall. "For me? What does that mean?"

My body shook, and a sense of nausea began to fill me. I was looking back at the mirror for signs of what might be happening, and then the doppelgänger came back into view, dragging a small individual kicking and clawing at his hands. "No, no, no. This is not happening."

I set my hands on the top of my head and slammed them back down. Everything on the table jumped up from the force. "Think, Rafael, think."

Desperation turned to anger as I tossed a chair across the room. My hands shaking, I bent over the table, crying and cursing. "Rafael, you need to find a way to cross over. You cannot lose them again."

"What am I thinking? That is not them." I say this to myself, trying to convince myself. "It makes no difference; you wanted a second chance at saving them. Save them!"

Beside myself, I watch him lift her in the air, slamming her hard down on the table on top of the cat's carcass. He points the knife at me and motions that this is for me. My heart drops as once again he raises the meat cleaver. The child's legs thrash as she tries to break free. He smiles, and his muscles are tense enough to swing the knife. The mother comes running in with a cast iron pan in hand. The pan slams down on his head, and he flops forward and onto the floor.

Relief overtakes me as I see the mother grab the child and carry her off. The child's beautiful dress, drenched in blood, stains the mom's dress, and they disappear behind the wall. I grab the mirror and slam it down onto the floor, glass shards sliding across it. Guessing and hoping, I run to the bedroom as I hear Poppy growling at the mirror by the door. I trip over a dog toy, and my head bounces off the floor. "I need to get in there fast. How?"

Poppy's body tenses up, his body ready to pounce, and his teeth baring as if rabid. I stare as I watch the doppelgänger rise up slowly. He wipes his head and stares at his bloody hand. The iron skillet's wound was causing blood to drip slowly down his back. He looks back at me, and a wide smile form, with silent laughter coming from it. He slides the knife across his neck again, motioning to Rafael his intention towards his own wife and daughter.

As the killer walks away, Poppy lunges at the mirror without hesitation, and I reach for him. In my thoughtless attempt to restrain him, I fall forward, tumbling towards the inside, and land on the opposite side of it. Poppy and I shake our heads as our heightened senses overcome and disorient us. The sounds are clearer and make our ears hurt and ring. Still disoriented, we stand up and run in the direction of the screaming. 

I stop as I watch them struggle for survival. Poppy's legs slide on the granite floor as he attempts to bite down on the killer's ankle. I grab his hand, slamming it hard against their off-white, antique nightstand, and we both fall. As pain shoots across his arm, he loosens the grip on the knife and drops it. I roll him over several times until we are both several feet away from it.

"Why? Why are you doing this to your family?" 

"This is all for you; we are one and the same." He screams back, raising his head and bringing it down hard on my mouth and nose.

I let go, and he quickly kicked himself back up. I get up slower and manage to catch his leg as he attempts to kick me in the ribs. For several minutes, we exchange blows and slam each other into the furniture. He finally overpowers me and chokes me with both hands. I hear him scream in pain and watch as his wife buries the cleaver into his back, breaking several ribs in the process. His grip loosens, and I kick him off. In full haste, I grab the extension cord to the lamp and wrap it tightly around his neck. As I walk away, tying it in a knot with my entire body weight on his torso, I observe his gradual demise.

"Who are you?" His wife asks me, wiping blood off my face with tears still flowing down hers.

"My name is Rafael." I answer.

"I am Hope, and we have seen you before as Rafa studied you. He became obsessed with being like you."

As I was about to say something, I felt two small arms wrap around my waist. I look down and see a small female child. "My name is Molly. Are you going to stay and protect us?"

"I will never let anyone ever harm you again, I promise." I hug her, and my whole body shakes as I break down once again.