Dog Brain

Please, take the pill.

      I don’t want to, Jessica.

Why?

      Because, I won’t be able to speak with my, ruff, my friends. Ruff, ruff.

Stop it. You know you can speak with them. If you can even call what you do speaking that is. Can you even understand what they are saying? ChinChin, look at me!

      You’re being insensitive. I can understand what they say. Not, not like how we converse. Converse is the right word? Right? Yes, ruff, I think so. Anyway, ruff, I get their emotions. Their feelings. Their intensity, ruff. It’s hard to explain in your language but I get a lot. ChinChin said, as she slowly walked in tight circles occasionally and lightly growling under her breath.

Jessica’s face filled with sorrow. Not only was her work being affected but her friend was clearly under a lot of stress. ChinChin’s tail was down. Jessica softened and knelt to look ChinChin in the eyes. We can speak about emotions too! I can tell you I’m felling sad or happy or enlightened and you can tell me about…

      Enlightened? When have you been enlightened? You’re a science-human.

You get what I mean. We can talk about emotions too. You know that is what I meant. Jessica stood up. Now she was stressed. Her mind switching between being a good best friend and researchers blazing new roads in interspecies communications. She wonder how and if she could balance the loyalty to each role she played.

      The silence interrupted by ChinChin speaking in a firm voice. Talking takes too long! Let’s say I want to tell you to fuck off and I really mean it. All I need to do is growl and show my teeth. Boom! You know I’m, ruff, pissed! Simple, ruff, easy. No fuss, no endless drowning in words words blah blah words. And no talking back and forth. My, ruff, way of communicating is perfection. RUFF!

ChinChin, I wouldn’t know why you were mad? That’s what makes wordspeak so perfect for communicating.

      No. No. No. We dogs communicate better without words. Let’s say I want to know how you are feeling, if you like me, and what mood you are in. I could simply smell your ass and instantly know all that. If you were a dog that is. How would you learn that information with words from a stranger? You’d go on 20 dates and be lied to. An ocean of words to find the one treasure of truth. And you’d never know if it was real or fools gold. Wouldn’t it be easier to simply sniff their ass? Or lick their sweat?

Hmm, you have a point there. But humans can’t go around smelling everyones ass or licking them. Maybe that’s how early humans lived. We don’t know. But we’ve evolved to use words. And that’s what I want you to do too. To learn the joy of words. And to be part of the world like me. A virtual equal. Although, quicker and more accurate communication would be amazing.

      Yes. You see. Quicker, more accurate. Is better. That’s the beauty of not using words. You notice the facial expressions, the inflections, the mannerisms, the depth of the sniff, whether the nose actually touches you or is simply near you. If the tail is wagging, my side safely, softly, rubbing against you. Or my stiff spine held away. Every motion, stance, sound, sniff, and look working to tell you what I want you to know. There is an art to dog communication. And that is why I don’t want to take the pill. We go to the dog park this weekend. I don’t want to take the pill and miss out on that. When I human-talk I can’t figure my dog brain out. It’s too full of words.

Oh no. I didn’t think about that. Wow. I’m sorry. I thought you could do both. And I was excited to talk to you and have you talk back. I feel you are someone who understands me. And I love you ChinChin, you’re by best friend. I thought I was doing you a favor but now feel like I was a bit selfish.

      You are a great friend. We’ve been through thick and thin together. And you don’t yell at me if I have an accident in the house like you used to. We’re good. I just want to be one of my own kind for a bit. At least at the dog park.

I get ya. That’s fair. How about you don’t take the pills on Thursday. It will be out of your system by Friday night and we can go to the dog park on Saturday and Sunday too. This weekend will be 100% dog! How’s that!

      I love it. Thanks! And in the interest of honestly and true friendship, I just want to be up front and say, I peed in the bathroom behind the toilet. I couldn’t help it. Sorry.

Damn, ChinChin, sometimes you are an asshole. A lovable asshole but an asshole non-the-less.

         Ruff Ruff!

~~~

Log book: Day 268. Experiment is going well. ChinChin can speak and understands when she takes the medication. It lasts about 24 hours. Then she reverts back to being a dog. No side effects observed. All her senses revert back too. And she appears tone just a dog again.

How do I know this? We’ve talked about it. She can remember some of the things that happen while medicated. But she says human words to cannot describe her feelings when she is a dog. I’m not sure it if is vocabulary or a brain shift. But I don’t have a way of figuring that out yet either.

I have to admit. I am jealous of her. She gets to live in my world but I am walled off from hers. It is a strange state of affairs. She is a traveler of a different kind. Between species.

Tonight I meet with Dr. Walrick to discuss how my experiment is going and the progress on my Phd research. This meeting concerns me though. Apparently another team at the university is working on a similar project. And I don’t know if I am ahead of them or they are ahead of me. Getting published is a challenge. And few people care about who is second to publish. But I will know soon.

Keep the faith.

Jessica

~~~

Welcome Jessica, ChinChin. I want you to meet Yaritz and Dingong. They got here just before you two. And you two have more in common than you know.

Yaritz, do you know what Jessica is working on?

Yaritz appears concerned and says, “no.”

Jessica, do you know what Yaritz is working on?

Jessica looks at Yaritz and then back to Dr. Walrick and reply’s “no, not a clue.”

Well, Jessica, Yaritz, and my lovely ChinChin and Dingdong, this is going to be fun.

Jessica, you are working on interspecies communication by enabling dogs to speak and understand language.

Yaritz, gasps.

And Yaritz, you are working on interspecies communication by enabling humans to speak and converse with dogs; in dog language so to speak.

Jessica gasps. She looks at Yaritz. Yaritz looks back at her. Dr. Walrick laughs. You two are two sides of the same coin. This is the first time I’ve ever had two research students working on both sides of such an interesting topic.

I have read both of your research reports to date. And I am curious about the where they will end up. But I want to see what happens if we bring these two projects together. A joint research project? Or, if you don’t want that, then maybe just a bit of exploration into each other’s domains. Giving each other full credit for the work, mind you. We are going to change the world as collaborators. Isn’t that right my lovely ChinChin?

ChinChin, tilts her head, and says, “I not sure I understand. Are you saying Jessica will be able to speak to me in dog?”

Exactly! ChinChin! Yes, Jessica will, if Yaritz agrees, be able to speak dog.

ChinChin yelps, “YES!” While her tail wags furiously!

Yaritz, standing with mouth open. Shakes his shock from his head and says, “Can Dingdong try some of what ChinChin has?”

DingDong perks up hearing his name. He breaks his glance away from ChinChin and lovingly looks ay Yarits.

I don’t know yet, says Dr. Walrick. What do you think Jessica, do you want to do a co-eperiment with Yarits and Dingdong?

I’m in, says, ChinChin.

Me too says Jessica.

ChinChin runs over to Dingdong and turns her butt to his face. He takes a sniff and walks around to lick her face. ChinChin says, “I’ll sniff you later, when my dog brain is back.”

~~~

Jessica, Yaritz, ChinChin, and Dingdong are on the patio of a local coffee shop. Yarits says to ChinChin, “what’s it like being able to talk.”

ChinChin barks.

Jessica says, “Oh, Yaritz, she can’t speak in public. Confidentiality. We want to keep this quiet until we publish. Just talk to me for now.”

Yaritz says, “My med, call Dogbrain, works for about 12 hours. Once taken I can understand and converse with dogs in dog-language. It’s an amazing experience. For 12 hours I’m wild and free. In the moment, able to converse without saying a single phoneme. I bark, growl, sniff, taste, and experience the world in a whole new way. Tell me about your research. I so want to know about it.”

Jessica is amazed and has so many questions but she doesn’t want to be rude so she tells her experience. She says, “It’s pretty amazing. I always wanted to know what my ChinChin was thinking. What those cute head tilts meant. Was she really smiling when she opened her mouth wide? Did she become sad, happy. What her life was like. Now I know. When I give her a pill, mine are called Canine-Brain-Mod-207 (CBM207 for short) she can speak and understand the language she heard her owner speaking.”

The two converse while Dingdong and ChinChin gently play. ChinChin’s CBM207 has warn off and she finally gets to sniff Dingdong’s butt. Everyone is happy. Jessica and Yaritz agree to exchange 2 pills. Enough to get through the weekend. And to report back the following week. They will co-author a paper and the research from this shared experiment.

Saturday morning arrises. ChinChin wakes at first sun and runs to wake Jessica. But Jessica is already awake. Jessica looks at ChinChin and immediately jumps to the floor, sniffing at ChinChin’s butt. ChinChin gently growls in confusion. And when Jessica doesn’t stop ChinChin snaps at her.

Jessica, jumps back and whimpers. ChinChin realizes what is happening, understands Jessica means no harm, and licks Jessica’s face. The two run to the door.

Jessica says, “ChinChin, let’s go to the dog park!!!” ChinChin Howls with joy.

~~~

Yaritz, is putting the pill in peanut butter. Dingdong, is excitedly eyeing the peanut butter jar and gobbles the peanut butter ball in one quick chomp. That’s good buddy! Let’s hear what you’ve got to say! Do you want to go to the dog park?

Dingdong runs to the counter, grabs his lease, and runs to wait at the front door. He’s excited to go to the dog park whenever he can.

Jessica and ChinChin arrive at the dog park. ChinChin runs to meet the other dogs. Jessica, who usually sits on a bench and reads either the lastest issue of Neurocognitive Monthly or lately books on linguistics, discovers she can’t sit. Her brain is full of smells. She smells the pine tree sap, the pond water that smells good enough to drink, an interesting mix of smells coming from the trash cans, and various kinds of dog poop that are now curiously pleasing.

She stands in one place and sniffs as she rotates about, clockwise, to determine which direction she should go in. The smells are so curious and interesting she’s taking her time to enjoy each one before she decides. She try to maintain her composure. But suddenly she smells a strong and powerful smell. It is coming from one of the dogs and her legs make the decision for her. Before she decides she is moving toward the dog, she gets down on all fours and begins sniffing the dogs butt. The man, holding the dog’s leash, yells, “MISS WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY DOG?”

Jessica, takes another sniff and says, “sorry, I.. I tripped.” The man tugs the leash and hurries away from Jessica. ChinChin runs up to Jessica. In her mouth is a stick. Jessica says, “Hey, give me that.” And Jessica just chomps on the stick. ChinChin spins in circles and runs off. Jessica’s brain is full of questions about the stick. Its textures, firmness, the flavor of the bark, dirt, and ChinChins spit. It is all consuming. She’s fully engaged like never before. All of a sundden a yellow tennis ball wizzes past her and she is off to fetch it.

Before she gets to the ball Dingdong, leaps forward and grabs it. He runs back to Yaritz. And Jessica follows him.

Yartiz says, “Holy shit. This pill is amazing. Dingdong and I have been discussing the most amazing things and I don’t event know where to begin.” Jessica looking at the ball in Yaritz’s hand seems to not have heard a single work Yaritz said.

Jessica, are you listening to me? Yartiz, questions. Yaritz, begins to laugh. Shoot, I forgot. Here’s the ball. He hands Jessica the ball and she puts it in her mouth.

Jessica, enjoy the ride. It’s amazing being in dog-brain mode. I’ll call you later tonight. Jessica looks at him. Drops the ball at his feet. Pretends to bend down to get it and then sniffs Yarits butt. Yaritz say, “hey, hey, hey… okay, calm down. I forgot what I was like the first time I tried Dogbrain. Okay. Okay. I’ll call you later Jessica.”

As Yaritz and Dingdong are leaving, Jessica hears Dingdong say, “She’s pretty cute. I think she likes you. Why don’t you and Jessica join ChinChin and me for a double date?”

Yarits says, “She doesn’t like me. It’s the Dogbrain.”

Jessica begins to yelp and howl! Yaritz turns around to see what is going on. And Jessica looks him right in the eye. Dingdong says, “oh, yeah, she likes you. In dog speech, you’re her bitch. Just go with flow.”

ChinChin runs up and jumps on Jessica. Jessica jumps. They run around. Each in the moment. Each just being. Just playing. No worries. No work. Just the joy of being.