Physician

In the wilderness, I could not help how foolish I was to imitate the values of the Buddha. I, an idiotic nobleman, decided to leave the castle for I was forced to marry the princess, not whatsoever uncommon, but it was enough to make me steel my resolve.

My blood boiled with contempt over the aristocrats with many facets; I loathed bogus people who would sit erect and scratch the plates with golden forks and knives for the sake of image.

I have to admit they had good intentions, but regardless of how well-versed and beautiful they were, I felt a longing feeling of superiority. Not the kind of superiority where I show off my shining doublets and sword, but the kind of superiority where I know I had a different disposition from them.

I had escaped the castle and wound up sleeping in the darkish alleys. My vest and trousers lost their shine, but this was no time for me to waffle on about fashion. I had my sword tucked in my scabbard, hung on my waist, and it was the only thing that kept me warm and safe.

“What are you doing there, sleeping by the garbage?”

I opened my eyes wide and unsheathed my sword. The person standing on the street wore a black robe, unhooded. A curly-haired old woman. “Are you perhaps abandoned? Or are you just a drunkard?”

“Neither. You do not simply disturb a sleeping man. Have some respect, will you?”

“You talk nobly. Where are you from?”

“That is none of your business.”

“Are you hungry?”

I stayed silent. I sheathed my sword back, and I looked at her with eyes telling her to go away. “Yes. I am starved.” I contradicted myself.

A little girl showed up from behind the old lady’s back and ran toward me as she pointed her sword. I quickly grabbed the hilt of my sword, but I could not pull it out. That was when I realized that the old lady was facing her palm toward me, magicking my scabbard.

The little girl pierced her sword through my heart, and I coughed up blood onto her face. She withdrew as she snarled. I stared at her until I could not make it. The world blackened as I keeled over.

I awoke and found myself laying on a haystack. Half naked, I jerked upright and palmed my heart bandaged with strips of white cloth. I swore that I felt my heart was punctured through and through but confounded since I was still alive.

I scrambled up to the door and pushed it open. The light of the world made my eyes squint. They had thrown me into this shed. What I saw after opening the door were nothing but curvy hills, and beyond those hills stood mountains. And on my left side stacked a bunch of hays, fenced with a wooden stockade.

I felt a stinging pain in my belly, and my stomach growled. I was starving and dehydrated to death. I fell to my knees and groaned. A horse came by and looked at me as though it found me interesting. But when I looked up further, someone was on top.

A young girl with blond hair.

She dismounted the horse and told it to sit. And it did.

Its rear legs were forcefully bent, but it still looked natural.

“Where am I?” I asked.

She looked at me. “Is it necessary to ask that?”

I stood and glared at her. “I was stabbed by a little girl and thrown into that shed. So if you please my answer question, I will appreciate it.”

“Wow, you sound like you’re going to be the king of this country. Are you a prince or something?”

“Answer my question first! Where am I?”

“You’re home, where else? Everywhere is home.” She approached me and took a good look at my bandage. “You should be asking why did you get stabbed by that little girl in the first place.”

“Why?”

She smiled. “I don’t know either. Let’s get you fed up. You look hungry—you look like you’re going to eat me!”

I was about to collapse, but I was caught in her arms. I forced myself to get up and shook my head. She mounted the house and asked me to sit on the back. I did as she told me. We set off away from the shed. We went to a town.

She pulled the horse by the tavern and tied it to a pole. We entered the tavern, and when I pushed open the door, I saw the old lady and little girl sitting beside each other. I approached them and slammed the table. Others looked our way. “What is the meaning of this?” I especially glared at the little girl who had stabbed me for no reason.

“You have no heart anymore, young man,” the old lady said. “We have taken your heart and sold it to the physician.”

“Mind if you do not mess with me?”

“I kid you not. If you do not believe me, unwrap the bandage.”

“Hey, calm down,” the young girl said, patting my shoulder.

“Do not touch me!” I jerked my arm away from her. I stared at her for a second, then I went outside the tavern. I tore off my bandage and saw a black hole in the middle of my torso.

I gasped with terror. I poked my hand inside my hole and touched nothing but darkness.

“Hey, are you okay?” I looked behind. The young girl.

“What is this?” I pointed to my heartless hole. “Without a heart, I could have been dead, but why am I still alive?”

“You’re asking too many questions… The old lady told me to take care of you. You can sleep and eat in my house all you want—”

“No, I need to know the answers!”

“If you want to know the answer—the old lady just needs money, okay? You’re just unlucky to get holed by that creep. She sells innards to some physician, but she compensates by managing to make you alive.”

“Huh?”

“You think you have it worst? That old lady even sold a brain! And you know what happened to that victim?”

“…What?”

“He became more stupid!” She laughed. “It was such a surprise that a brainless man can live. The old lady’s magic is as mysterious as it can get! So if a brainless man can become stupid, you can become…I don’t know—unfeeling, I guess?”

“…”

We conversed a bit more, then I finally subdued to her promises. I ate, sleep, and chuckled with her in her little cabin, almost as though she became my wife.

Ten years later.

We could hear clanking armors and clopping hooves outside. The knights knocked on our door, and I answered it. The moment the knight saw my face, he widened his eyes a little, but as he observed my face, I suddenly became a stranger to him. “May we ask questions?”

“Yes, you may.”

I led them, two knights, to the parlor. The caretaker, the young girl that had taken care of me, brewed teas for them and set cups on the table. They doffed their helms and sipped on their cups. One of them asked: “Are you familiar with this man?” He showed a parchment paper with a familiar drawing.

The caretaker and I exchanged glances. “Yes,” I said. “I’m familiar with him. Why, is he an important person?”

He sighed. “This guy absconded just to avoid his marriage with the princess. If I were him, I would’ve dived into it like the happiest man in the world. Isn’t he quite the lucky one?”

“Yeah,” said the second knight. “And we’ve been finding him for several years. I’m tired of this nonsense. He’s probably dead now.”

“He’s not dead yet,” I said. They looked at me. “I met him recently, and he was still eking it out like a madman. I can help you find him.”

The knight stood and looked down at me, seeming surprised and disbelieving. He calmed down. “Thank you, kind sir. Do you know everything about that man?”

“I’ll try my best.”

“We’ll lead you to the king’s palace.” He looked at his comrade and nodded.

“Can she go along too?” I asked, pointing to my caretaker.

“Sure.”

Then we went outside and got carried along by their horses. We left the village, passed the hills, followed trodden paths, and crossed the bridge. The portcullised gate opened up. Servants hurried about, busy with their tasks. Some of them looked at us.

They stopped by the fort and tied their horses in place. We dismounted and followed the two knights to the keep. They pushed the blanket aside, and we entered the hall. They approached the queen and bowed before her. I could hear them saying “We’ve found them.”

The Queen stopped knitting and approached us. She narrowed her eyes at me. “So you know everything about this foolish man?”

I nodded. We bowed.

“The King will come shortly,” Queen said. “Please, feel at home. We’ll hear everything you say.” We sat at the table. Inside the hall contained long rows of tables, swords on the walls, patterned rugs on the floor, and a throne beyond the tables.

The servants set plates on the table topped with bread and ham. And two cups of ale. After eating them, Queen sat across from us and said, “He’s here.”

King showed up himself along with guards following behind him. He darted a look to us and came over. He stomped ahead and stood beside Queen, looking at us. “Is this worth my time?” he asked. Queen smiled at him and nodded.

The caretaker and I stood and bowed. He waved and told us to sit. He sat across from us and folded his hands on the table. Two guards stood behind him, staring at us. We felt intimidated. “Tell us everything about him. Where had he gone?”

“We used to drink at the bar in our little town called Westerham. Ah… If you don’t mind, I’ll tell you about him personally first. I’m trying to jiggle with my memory.” I smiled.

“Go on.”

“He was a refined man but with an acid tongue. But even with his acid tongue, he still talked so nobly. What makes him a bit crude is his temper, but that just adds more character to him. If I may ask a question, why are you finding this man?”

“He’s supposed to marry our princess. We prefer a strong man over a weak prince. We don’t care about inheriting blood. Our intention is not to become politically stronger, but to make our daughter happy. Now if I may ask you, is that asking too much?”

“No, not really. I think it’s great—it’s revolutionary. Is your princess in love with the man?”

“Yes. And she’s been waiting all these years to marry that man. He’s cruel—he’s been hurting our daughter ever since! He should be grateful that I’ve forgiven him and I still keep on insisting he’ll live happily ever after with my daughter. Otherwise, I would’ve turned him into a fugitive!”

He’s a heartless young man! shouted the king. His voice echoed in the hall. “Just one more chance, and if I failed, I’ll order my guards to find him and execute him. And tell my daughter to find another strong man. But I doubt she’ll be satisfied.”

I frowned. Queen noticed my frowning, but she didn’t comment about it. “He’s heartless, huh… I guess you’re right, I also saw that part of him. Their Majesties, may I remove my clothes? I’ll show you something.”

King nodded. I stood and slowly removed my shabby tunic. I handed out my tunic to my caretaker and pumped my chest.

They gawked at the gaping hole in my chest.

“Please put your hand in it.”

King stared at me.

He stood and slowly slid his hand into my heart, and when he put it further and deeper, my chest reached his shoulders. It was as though his arm entered a portal.

He pulled back, confused and surprised. “Why…is your chest like that? What’s inside that hole?”

“I don’t have a heart. It was sold to a physician.”

He looked me in the eye. I saw a glint in his eyes that he realized that I was the heartless young man all along. His lips shook.

“Guards!” He seethed. “Throw him in the dungeon!”

The two guards took my arms and brought me outside the hall. The caretaker was asked to leave, but she kept on insisting to save me, only to be blocked by other guards. We entered one of their forts and climbed downstairs to the channel.

They hauled me all the way until we got to the cells. They threw me in the prison and locked the portcullis.

I whiled away the time by sleeping intermittently. A different guard would come downstairs and feed me. I didn’t eat them since they tasted atrocious; they only give you the bare minimum: chicken bones and stale water.

A fortnight passed, and I was starving to death. I could see an approaching light, and I patiently waited for the guard to provide me rations. But it wasn’t a guard.

It was a woman clad in a white dress and sandals.

The hem of her skirt reached her toes, the sleeves of her dress reached her wrist. The torch she carried made her locket shone.

“Please, show your face,” she said.

I looked at her and stood. I approached her and stood before the portcullis, our faces discernible through the holes. “God,” she said. “You look…horrible.”

“Get me out of here already!” I slammed the grates. Its clanking echoed through the walls. “This is all your fault, you know that? You made me turn like a beast!”

She remained silent. I kept on glaring at her, forcing her to speak. “Will you marry me or will you prefer to die in the cell? My father is giving you these two options.”

“What?”

“Will you marry me or will you prefer to die? That is what I’m asking. This is your last chance…” I could see tears glittering in her eyes.

I chuckled. “Fine! Kill me, then. But I have a request: I want to be beheaded. I want to be beheaded rather than marrying you!”

“Don’t you want to try loving me?” She cried. I stared at her intensely—then I looked away. Her choking sobs reverberated across the dungeon. I waited for her to stop crying.

When her tears halted, she wiped her eyes and asked, “What’s that hole in your chest?”

I didn’t reply.

“Please, answer me.”

“It was sold to a physician. After I escaped the castle, I encountered an old lady. All of a sudden a little girl turned up from her back and came running toward me, stabbed me right in the chest. I woke up in a shed and met a young girl on horseback. We went to Westerham town, then I met the old lady again.” I pointed to my chest. “This is what I got after leaving you. And I won’t forgive you for it. I can’t believe I’m still alive.”

“I have a hole in my chest, too.”

“Huh?”

She pulled her collar down, and between her breasts laid a black hole, almost bigger than mine. “I thought that selling my heart would make my painful feelings go away. Little did I know, the heart has nothing to do with emotions at all.”

“When…did you sell your heart?”

“After you left me alone. It wasn’t a long time ago, but I met an old lady, perhaps the same old lady you’ve met before.” She paused. “I’m going to sell my brain next. I don’t care what happens to me. If you can’t love me, then I can just forget about you—”

“No!” I slammed the grates again. “Don’t you ever sell your innards to that old creep again! I’ve been trying to forgive her for doing this to me, but I can’t stand other people foolishly selling their hearts or brains to her! It’s not worth it, goddammit!”

“I don’t understand you.” She smiled.

“If you sold your brain, you’d become more stupid. A brainless woman, drooling and sleepy! You don’t want that, do you? Do you!”

With a key, she opened the grates. She held the door as she spoke this: “I’m committing a sin. You must flee, quick.”

Unhesitantly I emerged out into the darkness. I looked at her once more, and she reciprocated. “Escape through the postern side. But beware of the guards!”

I kissed her on the lips.

When I released them, she looked at me, bewildered.

I turned and ran away. I heard her shouting “Wait!” behind me. I ran through the dark channel and climbed the spiraling stairs. Carefully I peeked outside and looked out for guards.

This was my second escape, and I’d never regret it.

“Wait!” The princess spoke behind me. “I’ll help you escape the castle. I’ll be most helpful to you when you’re caught.”

We skirted the fort and sneaked up to the great hall. We could hear debating voices up on the ceiling. Then we passed the room that led to the postern tower. A guard came by, and we hid behind the walls.

When he went outside, we continued our sneaking.

We climbed the postern tower and hoped there won’t be archers. We reached the top and met the beautiful scenery of the surroundings. I looked down at the lake. I felt a splurge of discomfort in my stomach, but I had no choice.

I looked at the princess.

“Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.”

She jumped out of the tower.

My eyes widened.

I jumped out, too, and splashed into the lake.