The SheSits™

Introducing the newest innovation in technology after years of research and no peer reviews. Finally, a chair for her. The SheSits™. Why did we design this? Because apparently, regular chairs were too masculine, and women have suffered in silence long enough.

After centuries and centuries of women sitting in chairs designed for men, the SheSits™ dares to ask: “What if a chair... had feelings?”

Designed by a team of all-male engineers in a windowless office that smells like sweat, cologne and ego, the SheSits™ is the first chair that acknowledges women aren’t just small men. They’re radiant beings who deserve ergonomic luxury, aesthetic grace, and a seat that understands their hormonal moon cycles.

Features include:

Ovary Support Contours - Finally, a chair that cradles the womb. Is that medically necessary? Well, that's unclear, but it’s pink, and we can put a pink tax on it. That’s what matters.

Mood-Activated Backrest - Adjusts based on your current emotional state. Are you sad? The chair reclines into “weep mode.” Are you angry? It locks upright in silent judgment.

Built-in Dispenser for Rosé & Emergency Chocolate - For when the patriarchy gets a little too heavy.

Sits To Speak Technology - When you sit down, it says, affirming things like:

“You’re doing amazing, sweetie.”

“Your thighs are a miracle of evolution.”

“Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”

“It’s okay to take up space, just not too much.”

As a special offer, the first 1,000 customers will receive a Throw Pillow that whispers compliments such as, “Your ex still stalks your Instagram,” every time you need a boost. Our intern, James, invented this one. He got advice from his girlfriend of two months.

Also available in cute shades like “Womb Dust,” “Boss Babe Beige,” and “Trauma-Informed Teal.”

Important: Not compatible with confidence, real lumbar support, or women over 5’7”.

Customer Reviews

★☆☆☆☆ - “What in the dystopian Etsy fever dream is this?” —Tara L.

I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t a chair that literally patted me when I cried watching a TikTok. My spine is furious. My ovaries are confused. I tried reclining and it played the sound of ocean waves and whispered, “Release the shame.” I just wanted to eat my lunch.

★☆☆☆☆ - “My uterus does not need its own cushion.” —Dr. Hana M.

As a medical professional, I can confirm: womb support is not a thing. Also, when I leaned back, it asked if I needed to “journal my feelings.” I threw it out the window. Ten points for aerodynamic design. Zero for not understanding how chairs work.

★☆☆☆☆ - “Why does it talk to me like I’m a self-help podcast?” —Jessie K.

I sat down and it whispered, “Take a breath. You're enough.” Then it sprayed lavender oil from the cupholder. I have a lavender allergy. I was hospitalised. Thanks for the trauma-optimised aromatherapy, you absolute monsters.

★☆☆☆☆

“No lumbar support but full emotional manipulation.” —Marisol R.

I bought this thinking it was ironically cute. It is not. It is gaslight-gatekeep-girlboss incarnate. When I stood up too fast, it made a sad little sigh like I’d disappointed it. I now sit exclusively on the floor, like a free woman.

★☆☆☆☆

“I set it on fire.” —Emilia T.

That’s it. That’s the review.

After an overwhelming number of complaints were sent to the governing body of the National Chair Association, we have now recalled the SheSits. As a company, we heard you, we listened, and now here we have it. You asked for it. You needed it. Allow us to introduce the revenge chair.

THE HE SITS™ - created by women, for women, but for men... who desperately need to sit down and reflect on their actions.

The first-ever chair designed to make men sit down and shut up - Designed by the Global Coalition of Tired Women Everywhere.

You didn’t like the SheSits™? We admit we misunderstood the assignment. The He Sits™ is not for comfort. It's not for lounging or for watching thirteen hours of Joe Rogan content. It is for learning, atoning and possibly crying.

Features Include:

Unpadded Wooden Base of Consequences - Hand-carved from 100% reclaimed patriarchal failure. Leaves emotional splinters.

Backrest of Accountability - Sloped at a perfect 95° to encourage self-reflection and deeply uncomfortable honesty. Supports: your spine, your growth, and your apology tour.

Built-In “Actually…” Shock Sensor - Interrupt her one more time. We dare you. The chair will know. The chair will react. The chair is not on your side. Included is a Mansplainer Drain – It slowly removes confidence each time he starts a sentence with “Well, actually…” and replaces it with researched citations.

WIFI-Blocked, Auto-Subscribed to Therapy App - No YouTube. No crypto threads. Just guided meditations and journal prompts like:

“Why did you call her crazy?”

“Do you know what an emotional labour gap is?”

“Let’s explore why you’re afraid of female anger.”

Cushion-less “Empathy Seat” - Offers the same level of support society gives single mothers. Hope he likes that.

Cupholder? No. - He may hold his own cup like he should have held his own mother accountable.

As a very generous bonus, the first 1,000 orders of The He Sits™ will come with a Throw Pillow of Accountability, which whispers helpful reminders like:

“She was out of your league, bro.”

“Have you apologised to your mother yet?”

“No, she didn’t overreact: you under-communicated.”

This feature was invented by our intern, Sadie, after her situationship ended via a one-word text. She’s fine now. Better, actually.

Important: Not compatible with unsolicited advice, unchecked male privilege, or men who think saying “I support women” is a personality. Side effects may include emotional growth and a sudden urge to listen more than you speak.

Available in Repentance Ash, Guilt Grey, and Beige Because You Wanted It That Way.

Customer Reviews:

★★★★★

“Sat my ex in it and he finally admitted he was the problem.” —Tash M.

He cried. The chair played Beyoncé. 10/10.

★★★★★

“My boyfriend now says ‘You’re right’ without whimpering.” —Dee H.

He sat in this chair for a week and started making eye contact during arguments and loading the dishwasher without being asked. My friend asked if he was okay. I said, “He’s healing.”

★★★★★

“My dad sat in it and now sends me articles about the wage gap.” —Priya S.

I don’t know what’s inside this thing. I suspect the ghosts of every woman who didn’t get a seat at the table, but it works.

★★★★★

“It humbled him.” —Anonymous, because he stalks her socials.

He entered the chair, calling himself an “alpha.” He left the chair, saying, “I’m sorry for raising my voice.” He now lives a quiet life, watering his plants and reading Audre Lorde. We’re all very proud.