9 comments

Coming of Age Fiction Kids

The big old yellow school bus bumped along the lonely country road. School got out at three, but Carrie and Josh were the last stop. They usually didn't reach the end of their gravel driveway until about four o'clock. Carrie was nine and in the fourth grade and Josh was a six year old first grader. They both had dark brown hair like their dad, and blue eyes like their mom. Carrie loved her little brother, but she was tired of that constant statement, WATCH OUT FOR YOUR BROTHER! Running a farm takes a lot of work and everyone has to help was her parents standard answer. Well, she was tired of it and needed a break.

The sky had turned as black as night, the wind was picking up, and it had started to rain heavily before they finally got to their bus stop.

"Better hustle up to the house, kids, this looks like a doozy of a storm," the bus driver said as he pushed hard to open the door.

"Thanks, Hal. See you tomorrow!" shouted Carrie through the wind.

"Watch out for you brother". Hal closed the door and drove off

Josh was already half-way down the driveway, with his arms out to the side, pretending to fly. He saw no danger in the storm only another fun game to play. Carrie walked behind carrying his backpack, jacket and lunch box, as well as her own.

There was a note on the refrigerator door from Dad. MOM CUT HER HAND, I TOOK HER TO GET STITCHES. DO YOUR CHORES. CARRIE, WATCH OUT FOR JOSH. Dad ended every sentence with that phrase, even in his notes. Josh is six years old and should be able to take care of himself. Carrie had to check he had his homework and lunch before they left for school. She had to check if he had his jacket when it was cold. She had to sit where she could see him on the school bus. She had to make sure he changed out of his school clothes when they got home. And make sure he did his chores.It just isn't fair.

"Life is not fair Dad always said. There are enough jobs to keep everyone busy, watching Josh is one of your responsibilities.

"What does Josh do? Carrie asked each and every time.

When he gets a bit older he'll do more, and Carrie knew the discussion was over.

The children changed their clothes. The windows began to rattle from the howling wind. Their first stop was the chicken coop. Josh collected the eggs while Carrie put fresh hay in the nesting boxes, and checked the food and water. The chickens were all stirred up! The children chased the hysterical chickens into their henhouse and double locked the door.

"I'll get the horses in the barn, you get us a snack and water, just in case. Then meet me at the cellar.

"Just in case what? asked Josh.

"Just in case mom and dad get home after dark." Carrie replied trying to keep the fear out of her voice.

By the time Josh got to the cellar, Carrie was crying. I can't get the cellar door open". Carrie tried again but the doors were too heavy and even with Josh helping it wouldn't budge.

"I think this may be a tornado! What are we going to do? I'm so scared!

"Follow me," shouted Josh. The children fought the force of the wind as they ran toward the house.The trash can blew by.

Josh got Carrie to help drag his mattress off his bed and into the bathroom. They squished it up against the window. They got all the pillows in the house and put them in the tub. Josh put the snacks and water into the tub and closed the bathroom door; then both climbed in. Josh held Carrie's hand because she was shaking and crying.

The hail was so loud you couldn't hear yourself think. The wind seemed to get stronger and stronger. They could hear big things blowing around the yard. Carrie felt that this could be the end. And what about mom and dad driving in this weather. Maybe they would stay in town until it was over. What if they never saw them again? She started crying again.

Josh suggested they sing some silly songs. They sang at the top of their lungs but couldn't hear anything but hail and wind. Carrie looked at her brother and started laughing, then Josh started laughing. Hail, wind, objects blowing around the yard, and hysterical laughter, and "B-i-n-g-o" filled the house.

Just then the door banged open. "Carrie, Josh, where are you?" yelled Dad.

"We're in the bathroom."

Dad raced into the bathroom and was amazed at the preparations they had made.

"Come to the cellar, Mom is waiting and this looks like a bad one"

The children followed their Dad through the yard and to the cellar. They had to step around tree branches, feeding troughs, even Dad's small tractor blown by the wind. Dad opened the door and in they went. Mom hugged them both and was crying from relief. She told them all about her adventure at the hospital, and showed off her bandage. She had to have twenty six stitches! Carrie started crying again.

"We had an adventure ourselves! I thought this was a tornado and I wasn't sure what to do. I couldn't get the cellar doors open and I panicked and started crying. Josh took over. He knew just what to do and helped me keep calm. Josh was the hero of the day! He even got me to laugh."

"I just did what they taught me at school. Josh said grinning from ear to ear. But I don't remember what I did with the eggs."

Everyone laughed.

"They"re probably over in the Johnson's yard by now"laughed mom.

"I bet they're scrambled!"

"Well, Josh, I guess we're going to have you more responsibilities around here." Dad smiled and winked at Carrie. Then they hunkered down to wait for the storm to blow over.

March 06, 2024 01:52

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9 comments

Jenny Cook
02:41 Mar 16, 2024

An hour retesting coming of age story which I enjoyed.

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Joan Wright
23:28 Apr 16, 2024

Thanks, Jenny. It was fun to write it.

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Shiloh Avery
00:56 Mar 14, 2024

It's a cute story. I wonder if it's possible to begin with the action instead of the background information. I'm not exactly sure if this would work, but it might have sucked me in more quickly.

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Joan Wright
18:16 Mar 14, 2024

I had considered that, Thanks for your comments, I really appreciate your time.

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LAUREL HOWE
00:19 Mar 14, 2024

There were a quite few punctuation problems. Comma’s missing, quotes around some of the dialogue, etc. Would have benefited from a read-over. The descriptions of the storm seem very real, as if you had experienced them yourself. Well done.

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Joan Wright
18:09 Mar 14, 2024

I have gone through a tornado. Thanks for your comment

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Graham Kinross
23:15 Mar 25, 2024

I agree with this. Always start with the action. You can explain when people are hooked. The story has everything. Shuffling it around makes a big difference.

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Faith Packer
22:59 Mar 12, 2024

Sweet coming of age story! I noticed a couple of small typos, especially with dialogue. (Auto correct?) I kind of want to see a little conflict between Carrie and Josh, but you do you

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Joan Wright
18:14 Mar 14, 2024

Thanks for your comments. I like your suggestion about conflict between the kids. Great idea.

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