Unfinished conversation

"Can you read the sign silence please ?" "Yes", I said. "So are you air headed?" "She sounds really mad on us " I whispered in my friend's ear, I told her that the nicest thing we could do was leave soon as possible or she might cancel our subscription completely.

Jess and I decided to meet in a cafe and chat for a while about few things that were going wrong in our friendship. I was very excited, I washed my hair, slept early the day ago, chose a cute outfit and chose my makeup thoughtfully. My sister Kassey knew that I had a huge crush on Jess since my childhood and I still do but I never told him because I was too afraid to confess. "What if he says no, he doesn't like me back? Or if he says he likes someone else ? Or in the worst scenario what if he says he is a gay?" 

I was friends with him since past 3 years and he never told be about his interests in boys so I consider him straight but I could be wrong as well so....... ten thousand more nonsense thoughts were going on in my head and I didn't really knew how to process them and hence I never got that much of courage to just let him know and I kept waiting for him. Have I dated other people ? Yes ! But did I enjoyed ? No ! Because somewhere I knew where did my heart belong .

Anyways, I got ready to go and hangout with him and as soon as I reached in the cafe, the worst thing happened ! Yes , he was kissing with some girl I didn't knew. What ????? Why???? I didn't knew how to react so I just left the place running. I know , I know he is not my boyfriend but I felt so bad , so sick , so annoyed, disappointed and much more together. He saw me and he started running behind me. I took a turn in a very confusing street and so he got lost in finding me ! I reached home after an hour and trust me when I say I cried like a little baby all night because I was going to confess that day all of my feelings to him but there he was making out with some random chick.

Things after this were really messed up, I didn't wanted to talk to him while he was still clueless about what was happening! So now that was a thing I owed him an explanation but I didn't wanted to talk to him at all . He stalked me everywhere I went and I knew I have to let him know someday. 

So day 1 of the school after I ran away, I had a notification on my phone about Jess's last missed call. I had 200 from the last night as well. He cares about me , silly me certain he does because we are best friends and even if he doesn't love me romantically he still does!! So somewhere he might be tensed as well. 

So Jess was a psychology student while I was a literature one and that's why our classes were different although during the lunch , we met and he tried talking to me so like a dumb person, I grabbed my lunch and had it in the washroom. I locked my self and cried because I felt bad. After finishing the lunch , I didn't even realized , what was I doing? Why was I doing this ?.

If he doesn't have any romantic feelings for me then that's not his fault!! But heart wants what it wants. I felt anguished and jealous, their kiss was going on in my head all day and night, 

So after few days of all of this drama , I stopped contacting with Jess completely and then one day I came in a local library to get some books to read and just know how Maisy, the librarian was. She was good we had a small talk and it was her time to leave as her shift was over. Before leaving she told me they have hired a new worker and she is in her mid 50's and can be extra rude so I must be very patient towards her and try to be sweet to her . But you guys sadly Jess came there as well , we had a college project and he wanted to quickly grab some books buy after seeing me, he was so adamant to make things better between us that he tried to start a conversation and we chatted a bit for a while. He said, " hey Meg can you just really tell me for once, what was my mistake ?" Your mistake ? I thought in my head you look like a Greek God that's your mistake , I like you , that's you mistake , I wanted to be the one kissing you, that's was your mistake ! You never saw me looking at you in that way? Huh? But I said him nothing. I preferred silence. I knew deep down he liked me somewhere as well because his gestures showed that. As I said his name is Jess, he will get whatever he wants and it was enough for him so he was becoming a little frustrated. The new librarian was noticing us from a distance and the way she gave us the cunning look I knew she is going to kick us out but Jess was not ready to listen at the same time and no! There she comes. " hello I'm Claire and I expect you guys to maintain silence " She said, I knew this might happen. We apologized and she went away, but this didn't ended my problem Jess was still infront of me and as I was not talking to him he holded my hand. The electric current passes through my body omg the feeling of our raw skins touching was amazing. I wanted this conversation, I wanted to talk to him from so long because his expression told me that he was about to talk about something that was bothering him and as he said , "I wanted to tell you this from so long..." the librarian came and said," can you read the sign?"