Silent torture

I find myself standing outside the airport, eagerly awaiting the arrival of a car that is supposed to transport me to the resort recommended by my therapist. As I observe my surroundings, I am struck by the hustle and bustle of the outside world and taken aback by the noise pollution. Arizona is definitely not a place I could envision calling home, and I am grateful that my stay here will be limited to just a few weeks - three weeks, to be more precise. I don’t think I could stand this heat long enough to consider this place home.

My therapist, Maggie, emphasized that this resort is meant for me to find peace of mind, gain better control over my thoughts, and most importantly, take some time to relax away from everyone and everything I know. I have been struggling with life for the past few months and need a getaway.

Lost in my thoughts, my car arrives. It appears to be an Uber X ride - a black Escalade with dark-tinted windows. The driver steps out of the car dressed in all black, from head to toe. Even his dress shirt and tie are black. He opens the car door and takes my luggage to the trunk, except for my gigantic carry-on bag, which I don't know how I was even able to bring on as a carry-on due to its size.

I quickly step inside the SUV, ready to leave the chaos of the outside world behind. The driver, a friendly and chatty guy – that's sarcasm because he has muttered about five words to me since he pulled up, starts the engine and we begin our journey towards the resort.

He drives us away from the city, and I am thankful for the noise slowly fading away as we continue. He drives further away from the city, and the noise is replaced by the wind and the quiet of the desert. I find myself surrounded by mountains, sand, cacti, and even what appears to be wild horses. It is so beautiful out here, I guess I can see the appeal of living in the Arizona desert.

The sun is now beginning to set. I hardly pay attention to the time and the actual drive, but I tune in once we arrive at the resort. I step out of the car, take a much-needed stretch, and feel the warm breeze hit my face. The driver grabs my luggage out of the trunk and proceeds to the entrance, and I follow. As I enter the reception area, the staff greets me warmly, and I am immediately put at ease.

The young lady behind the desk seems to be in her early twenties, petite with dark brown hair stopping right at her shoulders. She is wearing an all-white linen dress, which doesn't seem like professional attire for a resort. She greets me with a smile and then hands me a pamphlet, which I don't bother to look at. She asks me my name, types it into the computer, and checks me in. She tells me my room number is 204, to take the elevator up to the second floor, and to follow the signs on the wall.

As I turn to walk away, she points to a sign right above the elevator and says, "Remember, this is a silent retreat." She makes the "shhh" sound and then places her index finger over her mouth. She drops her finger, smiles, and tells me to read my pamphlet and enjoy my stay.

At that moment, my heart jumps into my throat. My mind starts to race even more than before I got here. A silent retreat? Why would Dr. Maggie send me to a place where I have to be silent? How does this help me relax or quiet my mind for that matter? Oh my God, I should just go home.

Just as I turn to walk towards the front door to exit, I notice the car that I arrived in pulling away. I pull out my phone and, to my surprise, there's no cell service. I start to panic at this point. I drop to the floor and all my belongings fall to the ground.

The receptionist walks up to me, saying, "Oh honey," as if genuinely concerned. "Everyone is shocked when they find out this is a silent retreat. You will be just fine. I can assure you that you will enjoy your stay." She reaches down to help me up. "Come on, let's find your room."

Once in my room, I read over the pamphlet. The rules were pretty straightforward:

1.  Stay Silent. You are not to utter one word the entire trip. You can gesture, but you cannot speak or write. 

2.  You must attend one class per day. Classes start at 6am, do not be late. 

3.  You can enjoy any of the amenities here on the resort including the spa, gym, and meditation gardens. 

4.  Meals will be provided three times a day in the dining hall. No talking is allowed during meals. 

5.  No electronic devices are allowed. Cell phones and laptops must be left in your room.

*only teachers and staff will be allowed to speak BRIEFLY*

After reading the rules, I skipped the rest of the information in the pamphlet. I sighed aloud with exasperation. I got it, silent retreat, but this felt more like a prison than anything. I laid down and must have dozed off.

The next morning, I woke up bright and early, before the sun. I was feeling refreshed and clear-headed. I wanted to experience this place with an open mind. So, I decided to take a meditation class, as I had heard that it really helps to calm the mind.

Since I had some time before the class started, I stopped by the dining hall for coffee. To my surprise, there were about a hundred other guests already there eating breakfast. Everyone followed the rules, and not a single word was uttered the entire time I was in that room.

I understand that you want me to rewrite the text you provided to make it clearer and correct any errors. Here's the revised version:

The meditation class I attended was quite different from what I had expected. The instructor briefed us on the rules and what we would be doing during the class. He mentioned that he could only explain the rules once per session and pointed towards a chalkboard that displayed the rules and the meditation steps. This was quite different from what I had seen in movies or heard from friends, and I wasn't sure if I would enjoy it.

However, as the days went by, I decided to attend all the classes available, including yoga, singing bowls, and even a silent Pilates class. I followed all the rules and was amazed by how silent it was in the classes. At times, it was almost maddening, but I walked out of every session feeling more relaxed and at peace.

On my last week there at the silent retreat, I was summoned by way of a letter taped on my door that I needed to attend a session with the head of the retreat. Seems as some sort of checkup to see how things are going. 

I arrived at the office and knocked once, as the sign on the door indicated. To my surprise, the door unlocked and opened slowly. Sitting inside was Maggie, the resort's director, and my therapist. 

She started to ask questions. “How have you been feeling since you arrived here, Siyah?” Maggie asked, looking unusually calm and eerie at the same time.

I shifted in my seat, not sure of how I should respond. The past week at the silent retreat had been a much-needed escape, but something was off about Maggie's tone, and it made me uncomfortable. I was also unsure if I could actually speak as per the rules.  I couldn't quite put my finger on what was so different in this moment with Maggie than the times I had met with her before.

As if she understood my internal battle. Maggie waved her hand and said, “This is a safe space Siyah, one of the only rooms you are allowed to speak freely here.”

"I have… enjoyed myself… I guess," I stammered, suddenly feeling cautious. "The silence has allowed me to reflect on my thoughts and I am still trying to find my way to inner peace."

Maggie's eyes seemed to darken ever so slightly, her tone becoming more probing. "And have you experienced any strange occurrences during your time here? Has any of the other guests tried to become friendly with you, perhaps?"

I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck start to rise.  Strange occurrences? Are guests trying to become friendly? What was she talking about? I had sensed a few guests attempt to make eye contact, but I had acted as if I hadn’t noticed it as I did not want to make friends. 

"No, not at all," I replied, trying, and failing to maintain composure. "Why do you ask? Is there someone here I should try to steer clear of?"

Maggie leaned forward on her desk a bit; her eyes seemed as if they were looking through me. "Siyah, I need you to be honest with me. Some of our guests have been… Misbehaving. There have been some reports that they are trying to get our new guests to break some of the rules. Have you encountered anything of the sort?”

At this point, I slowly start an internal panic. Butterflies started to flutter in my stomach. Not the good kind of course. But why would that cause for alarm? Misbehaving? I don’t know that I am completely understanding what is going on here. 

"What happens if rules are broken? Am I missing something?" I asked, doing my best to keep my voice as normal as possible.

Maggie sat back in her chair, then she smiled. In my mind, I instantly regret taking her recommendation to visit this resort. I feel as though there is something deeper happening here, and I may not want to know exactly what that might be. 

She dismissed me, only after telling me that I had nothing to worry about and to stay to myself. If any of the other guests tried to get my attention, I needed to inform her immediately. I left the room feeling anxiety-stricken and ready to get back to the solace of my own home. But per the rules, I had to complete my entire time. Then and only then would a car be here to get me to the airport. 

As the days passed, I became more aware of my surroundings, noticing tiny details that I hadn’t noticed during my first two weeks here. Most of the other guests walked with their heads down, eyes to the floor. Some people even had black mouth tape covering their mouths with the word “shhh” on the front. How odd that I had not seen this before. 

Then, one morning as I was walking the trail in the meditation garden. I saw two of the guests that were on my same floor huddled up and what seemed to me as though talking in hushed tones. Right when I realized that I slowed my walk tremendously, they looked up and saw me. They froze, and I ran. I don’t know why I did, but it felt right. 

Back inside my room, I struggled with the idea of keeping this to myself or telling Maggie what I had seen. Suddenly, there was a knock on my door and an envelope was slipped under the door. There was a note from, what I am guessing, one of the two who I saw in the gardens. The note read:

Things are not as they seem here. Please do not go to the director about what you saw today. There are consequences that they do not want everyone to know about. There are other rules that apply to those consequences if caught. I am begging you, please keep what you saw to yourself. 

P.s. burn after reading!!

I immediately searched and found a lighter in my bag and burned the paper and envelope. I don’t know what those two are up to, but I don’t want any part in it. I just want to stay low-key and get back home. For the rest of the day, I stayed in my room and out of sight. 

The next day, I was walking down the hall, in my own thoughts replaying the events of yesterday. I walked aimlessly, not even paying attention to anything going on around me. But, just out of my peripheral, I noticed someone go into a part of the building that I assumed was off-limits to guests. 

Against my better judgment, I let my curiosity get the best of me and I followed down that same part of the building. This part of the resort looked like some sort of hospital. I noticed people were in hospital beds. The really strange thing is their faces were all bandaged up. 

This is where I began to panic. Everything in me wanted to run as fast as I could back to my room and follow the rules. Something nagged at me to mind my own business and keep my head down. I only have two more days and I go home. Yet, my curiosity got the best of me. I slowly crept into one of the rooms and looked at the chart at the foot of the bed. I didn’t understand most of what I was looking at. But the procedure it says was done was a Major Glossectomy. My interest peaked, so I decided to check another room, then another, and one last room. They all said the same for the procedure.

Having no clue what that meant, I hurriedly left that part of the building and ended up back in my room. Where I planned to stay for the rest of the evening and maybe for my last day. I grabbed my glass of water from the side of the bed, took a few gulps, then laid down and stared at the ceiling. 

Waking up, I blink a few times to get my bearings. I was still lying on my back, but I could sense that I was no longer in my room. I felt as though I was strapped to a bed and my face was wrapped just like those other patients. Why is my mouth so sore? It’s really painful to swallow and my mouth feels dry. Am I dreaming?

I hear someone enter the room. It was Maggie. 

She walked over to my side and towered over me. “Good, you’re awake.” She said with a sinister smile on her face. 

“Look, I know you’re confused, that’s expected.” She let out a sigh and her facial expression changed to that of somber. “ Siyah, you were almost done. You were to go home today. You just had to let curiosity get the best of you. Why did you have to come to this side of the resort?” She looked almost as if she expected me to answer. 

The pain in my face starting to set in now. My entire mouth felt heavy as if swollen from the inside.  I tried to sit up, but I couldn’t. “You’re strapped to the bed,” Maggie says to me. 

As the truth started to become clear, a sense of betrayal enveloped me. How could someone who was supposed to help me on this journey trick me into coming to this resort?

With a heavy sigh, I looked Maggie into my eyes. "Siyah, you didn’t read the entire pamphlet. If you did, you would have known that this part of the resort was off-limits. That there would be a serious, painful consequence if you entered this side of the building. There are cameras all around and in every room here.”

I close my eyes trying to remember if I saw any cameras here. I never even looked up. How stupid could I be? That means she saw me with the letter, she saw me burn it, and she saw when I entered those few rooms to read the charts. 

“Everything you have done, I have seen. A Major Glossectomy is a procedure to remove part or all of the tongue. In your case, we only took part of your tongue, but the results are almost the same. We are doing research here and we cannot have word getting out what is going on here. So, I am sorry to say Siyah. You cannot leave.” 

As I lay here, I think to myself how this silent retreat that was supposed to somehow help me,  has now become my silent torture. Pun intended.