Baby's First Halloween

Wow he did so well on her bee costume and her hair. I'm so proud of him he's such a wonderful husband to me and father to our perfect daughter. She's getting so big, gosh she's even learning to walk already. I'm so happy today is Halloween, it’ll be her first and tomorrow is her birthday. She’ll be one! My husband is a stay at home father. So he takes care of Baby Winona (she's named after me) I work for a company that hires traveling photographers that sell their photos to magazines and ad makers. Most of the day I'm not home because I'm out taking pictures of people, places, and things. I travel the city using the bus, unlike everyone else I don't have to pay, I ride for free. I love the job. But I feel terrible for not being home, at least today I was able to do Winona's face paint but I think she took it off which I should have expected. She’s a baby of course.

My husband and I are going to take her trick or treating later today. We just got back from the store. We grabbed two pumpkins, one for the baby and one for my husband and I. He'll help the baby with hers and I’ll clean as we go. He finished the baby’s it's so cute. It says “Baby’s first halloween” with a bee on the back. Oh how I love bees they’re so beautiful and are such a symbol of life and everything living. He carved in our pumpkin as I cleaned its a mommy bee and a papa bee. I had this necklace with a bee on it, my daughter has it now but i don't really remember giving it to her but either way it looks prettier on her.

Before I could finish cleaning up my husband put the pumpkins on the porch. Grabbed our little baby bee and put her in her stroller. I suppose we’re going trick or treating now. I waited outside with Winona in her stroller as he locked the doors. He was pushing her stroller and I was walking besides it pointing out at the beautiful houses with the decorations. Winona looked towards me and was cooing, husband though was sort of ignoring me, he himself was talking to the baby. We went to every house. He would push the stroller up to each door and sometimes I would walk with them or I'd wait by the lawn and observe how wonderful he was. After twenty houses he got a phone call from his sister, Annie. How I miss Annie. I haven't seen her since the birth of Winona. She lived very far and has a very busy job.

When she called him, she told him that she was at the porch of our home. I was so glad to hear that, oh how i miss my dear sister in law. So we decided to head home. Winona seemed very happy with the amount of candy she received today. As soon as we arrived home from trick or treating I saw annie! I was beginning to walk toward her to give her a hug but she completely ignored me and hugged my husband, her brother, then she greeted the baby. I was so confused, their tone turned to be very sad. I just turned towards my daughter and smiled at her, she smiled back. 

He returned to the baby and took her and her stroller inside. Annie heads inside as well. I follow but am still sort of confused. I think Annie and my husband had just finished crying. I don't understand why, maybe it's because they haven't seen each other in so long. They sat at the kitchen table. I went to join them, they heard a noise, like a creek. I didn't hear it but they both did. I just continued to sit down. They started to catch up and talk about everything in the past year. How big Winona is getting, how busy he's been with her, Annie's wife and how she's doing. I mentioned working and how hard it's getting with the new competition. They didn't seem to respond but the baby looked at me and reached her arm out.

The mood began to change again. It grew to be depressing, I could see it on their faces. 

“The baby’s first birthday is tomorrow” said annie

“Mm hm” He responded. 

“Are you going to celebrate?” She asked

“Um, I'm not sure, she won't remember it. She’ll just be turning one” he said

“No, I mean Are you going to celebrate it?” She asked again. I don't understand why she emphasised. Of course we’re going to celebrate. I don't know why he would say that.

“I don't know, okay? I don't know” He raised his voice. I'm so confused. What is going on?

“Listen I understand it's hard but she would love to hear that you threw her a birthday” She explained. Exactly my thought process Annie this is why you're the best.

“I just don't know if I can, you know? I just want to lay in bed with Winona” He said. The baby would love that, just hugs from her father.

“I know you miss her” she replied. What miss who? “She was your wife, you were supposed to raise the baby together.”

“It's been a year okay a year, tomorrow will be a year” he said

Raise the baby together? We have been, I'm sorry ive been so busy at work i've been providing for this family. Of course it's been a year, she's turning a year.

“Annie I love her. I do shes my whole world now ,but the reality is she's a constant reminder of her mother. I miss her everyday and I wish she was here to see our beautiful daughter” He explained. What is he talking about? I've been here the whole time. Caring for them, loving them.

“Listen brother, I understand that I completely do, But you have to understand that it was her or the baby and unfortunately yes she died giving birth and the baby is so lucky to be here today and it's what her mother has always wanted, to bring life into this world.”

What is she talking about? I’m here, I'm with them. I'm here. the baby sees me. I've been here the whole time.

“I'M HERE CAN’T YOU HEAR ME? I'M HERE WITH YOU I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN”

No one responds, they continue to talk to each other.

“I know, Annie. okay? I think about it everyday and I thought giving the baby her mother’s name would be easier but it wasn't”

“Okay I understand but i think it would be good for the baby to visit her mother’s grave site tomorrow” she suggested 

“Yes you're right, I’ll buy a cupcake and go visit her tomorrow” He agreed

“That's a good idea”

I'm dead? How could I be dead, I don't understand. None of this makes sense. I've been here the whole time. The free bus rides? They just can't see me. My job, that's why i dont sell any of my photos and he started unemployment last year to raise the baby or what is unemployment? Is it money from my will? The necklace… I don't remember giving the baby my necklace. He gave it to her. The face paint, I thought I did the face paint but I never did because I can't. The table, it's actually still a mess there's pumpkin guts all over it. The two pumpkins he only did grab them for himself and the baby. I'm not here, I never was, only the baby can see me. Tomorrow is her birthday, also the day of my death. What about my funeral? There's a vase in the living room; it must actually be my ashes. He probably wanted to focus on the baby. I should leave for good, the baby shouldnt continue to see me any longer. If she does she’ll remember and miss me. I must go, He's an amazing father and our daughter is absolutely beautiful. Oh my little bee how I'll miss you. And my dear husband, I'll miss you and I trust your judgement. I love you too. Good Bye. I look forward to your visits but now I shall rest.