Live in the Moment

As we lay on the grass, gazing up at the stars, atop the hill I've been so many times before I feel worried. Not even the sound of birds flying through the sky or frogs croaking in the pond so close by are comforting to me now. The only thing that is isn't helping to get rid of the fifty pound weight in my stomach.

Next to me lies the prettiest woman I've ever seen, green eyes, short brown hair, and the most beautiful smile. I've almost never been able to remember my worries around her, but these are just to great, even for her.

I haven't seen anyone for five months because of our current pandemic. If I hadn't had a single dad with liver cancer then I would have gone to see more people and hang out with others, but my worst fear was my dad getting Covid, especially now that he is so weak. But my efforts didn't help, he went to get groceries without telling me and now he's sick and I can tell he's on his last limbs. Willow has been so good about this whole staying away from each other and she's the only one I trusted enough to be around.

I know that I should tell her because it's a big part of my life but saying it out loud makes it so real. There's of course another reason for why I don't want to tell her, this means that next year I won't be able to afford to go to college together without my dad's help. I have more than good enough grades to get in but California is hard to afford, even more so when you live in Denver instead of there.

"What's bothering you?" she asks, her eyes still reflecting the stars above us.

"Later." I reply, not wanting to ruin the moment.

How will I tell her, I guess it's not that big a deal when you think about it, I mean most couples go to different colleges and she doesn't really know my dad. The only reason she would care is because I will feel sad if he dies. There's still an 'if' in there which I should be focusing on. But I still need to tell her, it's just the normal thing to do.

"Let's go for a walk, for some reason people say a lot about what's happening in their lives when they're walking." she says getting up and holding out her blueish hand for me to grab.

"The reason why people talk during walks is because it's so similar to torture."I say and she laughs and I feel my cheeks getting hot.

As we walk she rambles about some of her favorite books. She always gets so passionate about literature.

"You know I'm not going to give up about what it is you're not saying so just tell me." she says after she finishes her rant.

"It's my dad, he has Corona and I'm not sure he's going to make it." I feel like the weight in my stomach is gone and now there's just emptiness.

"I'm so sorry Charlie, but this is not a done deal, he could still be fine. Don't give up so quickly, think this out before you go to the worst possible situation." she says holding my hand tighter, and I feel kind of bad because that's where my brain is already at.

"Thank you for being so understanding but you do realize I could have Corona right?" she lets go of hand quickly.

"Right, sorry I forgot to keep our distance." her eyes are wide as if afraid I would be mad.

"I can't really understand how you think everything is your fault, like if I forgot my wallet at a bar you've never been to then it's on you." I respond moving a piece of wavy hair out of my eyes so I can see her better.

"Well I could've texted you a reminder and then you would still have it." she scratches her arm uncertainly.

"I really wish I could kiss you right now. The way you were able to turn that on you was so ridiculous but the way you said it was adorable." she crosses her arms and rolls her eyes but I can still see a faint smile on her face.

"You are such a cliche, but at least your the cliche every girl wishes for." her eyes are shining brightly now and I can tell she's ready to banter with me.

After about two hours we're out by her door and saying good night but I know I have to tell her what will happen if my dad dies.

"Look, there's something I have to tell you."

"You're gay because no straight guy is as romantic as you."

"Definitely not, kind of scared your mind went there, but we do need to talk."

"Spit it out handsome I don't have all night." she says, a smile on her face.

"If my dad dies then next year I won't be able to go to UCLA and you'll have to go alone."

"You really do worry to much." she says, "That's next year from now sweetheart and I don't plan that far ahead. Even if I did then I would be planing on how to make your dad love me more than you so that he can make a toast at our wedding. He's not dead yet and if he does die then you need to spend time with him now. Don't think about college right now, just make the most of this year with your dad. When you have warning it's a blessing and when you have time it's a miracle. Live in the moment and remember that nothing is ever really set in stone. Goodnight Charlie." she gives me a kiss on my forehead and goes inside.

That's quiet brilliant of her. How could someone ever be so wise at seventeen? I guess she really is just one of a kind.