Above the Rest

Can you imagine going to sleep early December 31st because heaven forbid the weariness of aging didn't affect you. You're not as young as you used to be so staying up past midnight is a struggle and before you know it you fall asleep and you've missed the ball drop, missed the opportunity to go out with friends, you even forget about that New Year's kiss.(Big deal, most of the men I've kissed weren't good at it anyhow) Now, as I get older the odds of missing the ball drop get better and better. Excitement has worn off, time is catching up, age is overtaking, but in life there will always be that one New Year's that stands well above the rest. That's the story I want to talk about.

   The year was coming to a close and I was preparing to make my way into the new year I never for a second stopped to think anything out of the norm was going to happen. Why would it? Every new year before 2020 was very much the same. A gathering of friends, some drinking of champagne, a New Year's kiss with a new man, New Year's resolutions that never came to be. Yada yada yada. The same old same old time and again. Okay, you may ask where am I going with this? I'm getting to it hold your horses. So as it was, I went to bed a little early the night of December 29th, 2019. (Give me a break)I'm in my mid-fifties one daughter whos grown and moved away, no husband, lots of cats, and to be frank. (Speaking of Frank, that was my brother's name. He used to call me all the time but I ignored his phone calls because I was always too busy with work, dinner or whatever excuse I came up with. I regret that now because he has since passed on) There would be no kiss, only cat snuggles, there would be drink but only my nightly glass or two of red wine, and when it came to resolutions I stopped making them years ago because one can only take so much disappointment. I was OK with all of this until life threw me from what was supposed to be 2020 into 1920. You read that right. It's not a typo, you don't need to clean your glasses, you may be drunk I don't know that's not for me to decide but if you are get some help you lush. Yes, much to my surprise I woke up in the year 1920. The same year woman were finally allowed the right to vote.

   I had no clue as to why but as the day went on the reason was revealed to me. Hindsight 2020(pun intended)I realize I had wasted most of my life being alone and not pursuing the things that mattered most. We have but a short time allotted to us. Happiness isn't something that should be had alone but should be shared with others. Love does matter. Having a family is important. Somewhere along the way I lost sight of that. Lost sight of what most young women dream of; the prince and princess, king and queen, head over heels, I'll live for you and you live for me, meant to be together forever and always kind of love. Instead,I pursued a career as an attorney, had some really high-profile cases, and pursued people that didnt want to be pursued while the ones that reached out to me I took advantage of or ignored altogether. I made a lot of money and I became very successful but what is all that success and money when you share it with no one but your cats. No Bueno. Oh yea, I learned a couple of languages as well. ;)

   I awoke about the same time I have every morning for the last 25 years(except for the occasional hangover day)and went about my normal morning routine. Tea, news, notes for my cases, feed my 4 cats, and then finally I feed myself. Very little has changed in my mornings over the years. I've learned something very useful from the many cases I have undertaken. There are often similarities and patterns in which most have played out. In other words we aren't all that much different. Some would say we are creatures of habit. It's funny how we can look at others and see exactly what it is they need to thanks but when it comes to ourselves and our own needs we are often blind. I didn't realize I had become creature of habit. I might not have been breaking the laws of man but I came to find out I had been breaking God's law. The law of love. I thought I was free but in reality I was trapped in a prison of my own making, the world around me had passed me by. I was alone. My family didn't care to know me, my only daughter resented me, and my career was over. In the end, when all is said and done the last man standing (or woman) should be love and here I was lacking. Completely without.