Nicotine Dream

     CW: Mature Themes

Maryanne awoke entangled in her silk white sheets, the sun shining through the open bay window at the edge of her studio apartment, landing its rays and accentuating her golden mop of hair. Ever present and then non present was the dull agitation she felt when she wanted a cigarette, or was on her period. Right now it was both.

     She grabbed her phone off the bedside table and began scrolling through the daily rabble, syphoning the dopamine from likes and comments that she refused to get from a cigarette. Maryanne was adamant that she had ceased smoking, last night was her last and final one. At least that’s what she told herself when she felt resolved, but that feeling had already pretty much waned. 

     It didn’t take long for a short clip to appear as she scrolled. A clip of Robert Deniro in Goodfellas. Everyone knows that scene. Cream plays in the background while Deniro puffs a cigarette and plots a murder. All it took was a 15 second clip for Maryanne’s resolve to completely dissipate.

     In short order she had thrown on grey sweatpants and a stained up grey hoodie, tied her hair in a bun, and without putting on deodorant went out into the street to find the nearest corner store.

     She had a slight belly ache as she approached the 7-11, but also a pleasant sense of anticipation. It looked like no one was inside or outside, except for a beat up old Chevy in one parking stall. Her hand was on the door to the corner store when she heard someone call out abruptly. 

     “Hey!”

     She turned her head, and realised the old Chevy wasn’t empty. There was an especially tan man in the driver seat, arm out the window, smiling a toothy grin at her. She pointed at herself and mouthed the words ‘me?’

     “Yea” he yelled back. That was all.

     She approached the truck more out of confusion than anything else. Did she do something wrong? As she approached the truck the man leaned over to the console and grabbed something. She was about to high-tail it when the man re-emerged out of the window with a small blue box in hand. He tossed the box at her and she caught it.

     “Enjoy those.” he said, starting up the truck. There was a black plume of exhaust and the man was gone.

     Maryanne looked in her hands, and saw the label, “Triple AAA tobacco cigarettes”. Most packages have a picture of a lady dying of cancer, or a man lighting himself on fire by mistake but this package had neither of those. There was however, a picture of a family sitting around a dinner table. The family looked like the church going type, too clean and well dressed and visibly happy to be real people.

     She had a violent stomach cramp at that moment, but was well accustomed to those and breathed through it.

     “That guy is a life saver,” she thought to herself while ripping open the package.

     She popped a dart (what she called cigarettes) in her mouth, took the lighter from her sweatpants pocket, lit the cursed thing, breathed and exhaled, all with the flow of a person fluent in tai chi. Sweet, sweet relief baby.

     The sun was directly overhead, a hot wind blew the puffs of cloud from her breath into nothingness. Walking along the sidewalk back towards her apartment, Maryanne noticed an alley she’d never seen before. At the other end she could see her building rising against the city backdrop. ‘Why not?” she thought, flicking her butt into the street and plunging into the unknown. 

     The houses that lined the alley were mostly in shambles. Boarded up windows, dead lawns, rickety fences, a noticeable pattern.

      As she was walking along, an orange and white tabby deftly hopped a chain link fence and made its way to her. Maryanne made little kissing noises, “Here baby, smooch-smooch.” The cat rubbed its head against her sweat pants, then quickly lost interest and continued down the alley. As it drew away from her, the cat suddenly turned its head around, locking eyes with Maryanne, and let loose a painful cry. “MEEEEEEOOOOOOW!” The cat took off then, full sprint, and disappeared.

     Maryanne was out of the blue racked by a very painful cramp that she could not breathe through. After a substantial bit of agony it subsided. ‘What the hell?’ She thought as she sparked up another cigarette. Once again she started walking.

     Soon after the run in with the tabby, things really started to become strange. For instance, what was this wood cabin, with a lush green lawn, doing amongst these tattered old buildings? She continued down the alley, not slowing a step. When she was directly across from the cabin, its front door flung open. A meagre old woman stood in the doorway. Maryanne’s pace quickened, but her eyes didn’t leave the old woman, whose head was downcast. At the last, the old woman raised her head revealing herself not to be an old woman at all, but a grizzled old wolf. Red eyes, huffing snout, and a savage grin. Maryanne started to run.

     ‘What the f-’, she had time to think before she had to halt in her tracks. Just now a procession of dwarves emerged from an equally inexplicable forest, and were making their way across the alley. They were adorned in different coloured hoods, yellow, blue, green, purple, red, brown and orange. Atop their shoulders they carried a see-through coffin, with a young woman inside seemingly fast asleep. Maryanne studied the woman’s face and noticed it was grimacing, as if the woman was having a nightmare. Before long the dwarves were across the alley and into the other side of the forest.

      Maryanne looked deep into the forest to see if she could see the dwarves’ backs, but they were already gone. She struggled to light another cigarette, her hands shaking. She thought to turn back at this moment, which she quickly realised would’ve been impossible. The alley behind her had begun to rip apart. Asphalt, fence boards, houses and all fell in the gaping black void that progressed towards her. 

     She began to run again, this time whilst screaming, “Help! Help me! HELP PLEASE SOMEBODY!”

     And somebody did help, though it wasn’t anyone she expected. On her right, a man in a tattered old top hat and dusty trench coat stood warming his hands against a blazing trash can. 

     “Help me,” Maryanne wheezed, “I think I’ve gone insane!”

     The man smiled at her, “Haven’t we all?”

     She didn’t like that smile, not one bit. In the end though, she had no one else to turn to. “Can you please help me, I need to get home right away!”

     “I can help,” he said with a bow, “drink this.” At that moment he produced a teapot.

     ‘This has to be a dream!’ she thought as she guzzled the contents of the teapot, holding it with both hands and practically splashing the liquid on her face.

     Maryanne stared up at the sky, which from it had emerged an incredible and terrifying spiral of violent thunder clouds like a world eater come to destroy her. The stomach cramp came on again, this time with a brutality she could’ve never imagined. It spread through her entire body, until it felt she was like to implode. And then, her body was no more.

     A familiar woman lay in a hospital bed. Sun shone through a window and landed on her brow. The woman was gaunt, wheezing, on the edge of life. A machine beeped steadily for a time. Then it was only one long continuous beep. The woman had given her last breath. A solitary tear made its way down her already coldening cheek.

    A familiar family sat at a dinner table. A boy and a girl, a husband and a wife. Everyone was laughing, smiling, jesting. There was plenty to eat. Not only were they not wanting for food, but it was clear now that their souls were full.

     Maryanne awoke once again entangled in her silk white sheets. Immediately the cravings for a cigarette were upon her. She got dressed and made her way to the closest convenience store.

     She arrived at the 7-11 and seemingly no one was inside the store or the parking lot. She put her hand on the door… and pushed through. 

     “Good morning!” A friendly voice said.

     “Good morning.” Maryanne replied.

    She exited the store two minutes later with a pack of cigarettes. A picture of a woman dying of cancer was plastered on the cover. She ripped open the package, put a dart in her mouth, went to light it, and was stopped abruptly.

A little orange and white tabby was brushing against her leg. She felt a feeling of vertigo, and the inkling of what might have been a cramp. Maryanne went back into the store and came out another two minutes later with a pack of gum.