The Words I Can't Say.💬

As we sit in a movie theater eating the snacks that we brought. My mind fills with words I can't fix my lips to say.

It's Saturday night & I am on a date with a boy from school.

He isn't just any boy.

His name is Ethan Pollock. I've had a crush on Ethan since the 6th grade; we are now sophomores.

During science class, he asked if I would like to go to the movies on Saturday.

Without a doubt, I excitedly said yes!

Now here we are.

In a movie theater watching the movie "13 going on 30"

I stare at him as he sips on his coca-cola drink.

then his eyes latched onto mine & for a few minutes, we stare into each other souls.

when the movie ended he & I sat in his car in the movie theater parking lot.

"Did you have a good time?"

He asks me as his blue crystal eyes shine when he looked at me.

"Yea it was a great movie."

That's not really what I wanted to say to him.

I wanted to tell him how much I liked him since I was 12! & how I wish for this date NOT to end!

"Good, glad you enjoyed yourself"

Ethan turns the key that is in the ignition.

then begin to drive out of the parking lot.

"Where are we going?"

I asked.

"It's late I was going to take you home."

In my head I say.

No, I don't want to go home. I wanted him to take me to the nearest lake so we could make out & watch the full moon.

But, instead, I said "Ok"

Ethan parked his car in front of my house.

while I sit in the passenger seat with a head full of words that I wanted to say, but just didn't have the guts to SAY them.

"This was nice, Laura I hope to do this again someday"

"Yea"

Ethan reaches for my hand, nervously I allow his hands to touch mine.

"Do you feel the same way?"

He asks me as he gently touches my hand.

"Um, I think this was a good date."

here I go again saying shit that I don't want to say. I mean really? What is it with me?!

My body language came off weird to the point Ethan became uncomfortable.

"I think I should go now. I'm feeling exhausted."

I say while removing my hand from his.

"Ok yeah I guess I'll see you in school on Monday"

That was a lie after the date, Ethan, & I had. I never heard from him again.

It's been 2 weeks since our date & I haven't received a phone call from him.

I mean I saw him in the hallways in school, & science class but he never acknowledged me.

I mean I could understand, during our movie date he was throwing himself at me & I didn't even try to throw myself back.

Now, do you guys see where I'm coming from?

This story isn't just about Ethan.

It's mostly about me not being able to speak my mind properly.

Ethan is just ONE of the characters in my narrative.

During the lunch period, my best friend Oriana & I talk about trying out for the cheerleading squad.

"Do you think that we are good enough to be a cheerleader?"

Oriana asks as she sips her apple juice.

"Of course we are!"

As Oriana speaks, Ethan walks past our table without giving me any eye contact.

"Did you hear about who's Ethan dating?"

Oriana ask me.

"No"

although I did hear a rumor that he was dating Leslie Palmer the cheer captain.

But instead, I pretended like I didn't know.

I thought that would make Oriana stop talking about Ethan.

Instead, she kept the conversation going.

"He's dating Leslie Palmer. Isn't that weird?"

"Not at all"

You can tell by my tone of voice that I was crushed by it. But the expression on my face said otherwise.

"It isn't? You two were just on a movie date like 2 weeks ago."

"Well, I've moved on as he did. It's no biggie."

I then stuff a French fry with ketchup into my mouth.

I didn't tell my friend that the reason why Ethan stopped talking to me was ALL my fault!

I just couldn't fix my lips to say how I truly felt about him.

I mean maybe it's for the better.

Saturday afternoon, Oriana & I decided to go to the mall.

when we arrived at the mall, the first place that we entered was a makeup store.

A store that we could try all different types of lipsticks & foundation.

Oriana picks a bright red lipstick that she begins to try on while looking at herself in the mirror.

I on the other head try on eye shadow.

Oriana turns to me with bright red lips & tend to ask me what I thought about it.

My first impression of the lipstick was something, Ronald McDonald would wear

With a crooked smile, I thought how embarrassing the lipstick looked to be.

My friend smiling waiting for me to give her my true opinion of it.

I simply say "it looks good."

Oriana hugs me as her bright lipstick hurts my eyes.

As we walk around the mall guys & girls stare at Oriana's hideous lipstick.

"What's everyone staring at?"

I wanted to say the hideous lipstick that you chose to put on your lips.

then I thought that would be too truthful to say.

"Idk, but let's get going my mom is outside for us."

Later on that day in my room.

I lay on my bed while reading a book.

I could hardly read the book because my thoughts were so loud.

why can't I just say what I'm thinking?

What stops me from saying all of the words that my mind fixes for me to say?

What if I need some sort of counseling?

The next day these questions still filled my head while I sit in science class bored.

As I think about what I should do with myself.

The classroom became quiet to me.

As Mr.Rudolph stands in the front of the class his lips move but I hear no sound.

I look around the classroom & I see Ethan with Leslie. His arms wrapped around her.

His eyes sparkle as he looks at her, the same way they did when he & I were on our date.

Shortly after this day, I got a rude awakening for my poor verbal communication. It happened during the sophomore dance.

Oriana & I are in the girl's bathroom in school putting on our makeup, as we prepare for the dance. We laugh & take photos while glitter is all over the sink tops.

"I have to use the bathroom I'll meet you in the auditorium"

Oriana says while entering the bathroom stall.

"No way I'm not entering the auditorium without you."

I say while playfully banging on the door.

"Just go!"

Oriana says while laughing.

I leave the girl's bathroom & begin to walk to the auditorium.

As I walk closer & closer I began to hear dance mix music.

When I opened the door to the auditorium I see kids my age laughing, dancing & sipping on the punch.

As I look around I immediately started to feel excited!

The music was great! The colors of dresses & tuxedos filled the place as if it were a rainbow after a storm.

I began to dance in the middle of the floor by myself until I saw Oriana enter the auditorium.

I excitedly waved at her.

She waved back.

As we start to walk closer & closer to each other I saw the toilet sheet hanging from her butt.

Instead of thinking like I usually do.

I automatically ran to Oriana to prevent embarrassment.

but I was too late, everyone started to laugh & point at the toilet sheet that was hanging from her bottom.

Oriana realizes what everyone is laughing at & ran out of the doors of the auditorium.

I try to run after her until I accidentally ran into Ethan.

"Oh, Im sorry!"

I say while backing away from him.

"Why are you in such a rush?"

Ethan asks

"Because Oriana needs me"

I tended to walk away from him until he said something harsh to me.

"Why are you so weird Laura?"

"What?"

I say while crossing my arms against my chest.

"I said why are you so weird?"

"I don't have time for this! I have to find Oriana!"

"Oh, she's gone probably hiding from you! Im not surprised if you knew before she entered the party that she had a toilet sheet hanging from her bottom!"

"You don't know what you are talking about!"

I walked closer to Ethan & pointed my finger aggressively against his tuxedo.

"I do! I mean why did you think I stopped talking to you? Huh? It's because that night after we watched the movie you were acting so strange in my car!"

"Ethan I can explain that."

"Oh yeah when? It's been a month! I thought you liked me as much as I liked you! Since 6th grade I liked you! & when I finally had the opportunity to try to express my feelings. You pretend like you didnt care!"

"Ethan it's not that I didnt care--"

Ethan interrupts Laura.

"Do you think that I want to be here with Leslie? No! I wanted you to be here with me! Dancing with friends, drinking punch!"

As Ethan goes on & on I see Leslie standing behind him with tears in her eyes.

"I have to go find Oriana!"

I run through the halls leaving Ethan.

"Where could she be?"

I say to myself trying to find where Oriana ran off to.

Then the light bulb shined above my head like a halo when I realized exactly where she might be!

The art room! Oriana's favorite subject was art so I knew that's where she possibly could be.

When I opened the door to Mrs. Gartfield's art room there was. Sitting up against the wall pouting.

On the wall above her were pictures of drawings.

I sit next to her gently against the wall.

I reach for her hand.

"Are you ok Oriana? "

"No, I feel humiliated!"

"Don't be! Things happen."

"Yea but why did it have to happen during our sophomore dance?!"

"I don't know why things happen the way they do, they just do!"

Oriana removes her hand from mine.

"Look Oriana are you gonna sit here in this dark room & pout? Or are we both gonna go back to the dance?"

"Are you crazy?! Im not going back in there?"

"Why not?"

"Because people are gonna laugh at me!"

"So what if they did! We came here to dance & enjoy being sophomores; soon to be juniors!"

Oriana looked at me with a frown.

"Don't look at me that way. Im being serious Oriana! Let's to the bathroom & fix yourself up & return to the dance! You cannot let them think that they've won!"