Ups and Downs

I was born in a healthy and a lovely family surrounded by many friends. Life was sweet, colorful and kind as much as you imagine it could be. No matter the situation, I loved the life and believed in a cause to succeed and get the most out of life. I was simply planning to live peacefully. This is what my life looked like before it turns to a hell where demons were chasing me in every point of my life.

Everyone in my life started to disappear one by one from the closest to the furthest, just like I was cursed by someone. It all started with a heated debate between my dad and my mom that ended with their divorce leaving us behind them without looking at us. My friend that I trusted the most left me after knowing my parents' divorce. My life was a fiery pit of loneliness—never ending torment and pain. I never really believed that there was a better place after your heart stopped beating. That seemed to be punishment enough; to have to look at your face every day and know that you can never change the past, it simply keeps you up all night.

IT just eats you up from the inside out. It’s like a monster inside your head that takes over. Anything that was said to me, I managed to turn it into a bad thing. I was literally my own worst enemy. I would come home and feel so exhausted from all of the voices in my head that I would just sleep to block it all out. I didn’t want to wake up because living was a nightmare for me. I felt sick with the fear of night time because that’s when the voices got even louder. I would get so frustrated because it seemed impossible to sleep, as if insomnia and depression go hand in hand.

I knew I needed help but I was afraid, afraid to be left again. I had no motivation to do anything because I couldn't see a future for myself. My experience with my family and friends pushed me to believe that everyone was faking their love for me and "that day" will revive again.

Days passed, then I started felling unwell for a few weeks and thought it might be a flu. But when I developed a rash on my leg, I went to the emergency department at the local hospital. There, I learned that my white blood cell count was unusually high.

My doctor diagnosed me with “LEUKEMIA”, a type of blood cancer that results from an abnormal increase in white blood cells. As part of the immune system, white blood cells help the body fight infection. With leukemia, white blood cells divide too fast and crowd out other healthy cells, leaving the body vulnerable to infection.

I went to the hospital to start my treatment but my state was getting worst, which made my psychological state so bad. The doctor told me that a stem cell transplant would give me the best chance at a total recovery. It is a procedure that replaces a patient’s own blood cells with others from a healthy donor. In my case, I didn’t know with who I could communicate for that order, only knowing my friend or my ex-friend was a match. I contacted my family at night, trying to call them many times but in vain, no one was responding me. “Why they would answer an abounded child anyways?” I said.

"Within these holy walls, my soul shall ride; still, I wear the smell of death like a perfume” I said ...I wanted to move on, into the vast stars because life was carrying me harshly because of my worthless mind of both faith and sorrow; maybe I should bleed out, into the promise land. I decorated myself with white ribbons so that I shine with my beautiful red color. I went out of my room in the hospital resolving to suicide. I felt it this time, it wasn't only an idea but a destiny. "The end-the end is coming, the end-the end is near" I was repeating. On my way to the roof top, I heard a deafening noise coming from one of the hospital's rooms which stopped me, I went there; a patient was lying on the bed with two people by his side who seemed to be his parents, in a frightening voice, they said to him: “Why don't you just die? We are tired of you! Just die". But the patient was smiling at them as if he had not heard anything, I stayed near to the door waiting for the boy’s reaction till his parents went out. Finally, he got up and walked upstairs, and I was following him. When we arrived, he told me in a calm voice: “Did you hear it?” but I didn't move from my place, neither responded to him, then he said: "Life is beautiful and yet life is not a bed of roses. Though it is full of ups and downs, it has many facets of blessings and successes. We should believe on ourselves and keep going in life. If I hadn't been through these things I wouldn’t have learnt that the most important thing in life is to be happy. I have now received all of my university offers to study football business and I can now see a future despite of my parent’s treatment. I hope to build a career in something that I love, something that will make ME happy, not focusing on what others want from me. There are people out there who have been through everything that you are experiencing and have come out on the other side. In fact, their experiences have made them who they are today. It may seem impossible to overcome but believe me, you will get there." I felt just like the GOD sent me this person to guide me to the right way.

I lied on the roof top with him at night, wondering the starts, the pale crescent moon was shining like a silvery claw in the night sky, then I looked up at the blanket of stars that stretched to infinity and started thinking, thinking about what he said, deciding to start a new life….

In the morning, I started hearing many loud voices, even my parent's and my friends' voices were there, I was hearing them clearly. But I felt so strange, I couldn't feel my body anymore.... Maybe, it's my death but it's never the end, I'm going to start my new life in heaven hoping that my death will be a new page for others.

In the last seconds, I’ve got an emergency surgery of stem cell transplant. And this is how I’m living my beautiful life right now believing on the ups and downs of the life