Locked in the Barn

Trigger Warning: some sexual and violent content

Dear Dear Diary, 

Here we are again. Another day of this miserable secret. When I woke up this morning, I thought today was the day. Freedom day. Boy, was I wrong. I don't know how I even got to this point. I guess when looking back, it does make sense, but it has gotten out of hand. 

When I was a little girl, all I wanted when I grew up was a big family. Then I met Marco, and that is all he wanted as well. But I wouldn't know that for quite a while. Unfortunately, he had that stupid accident when he was nine years old, which crushed his dreams. The doctors told him he would never be able to father children. 

By the time we met, he had all but given up on his dreams of a big family. We were perfect for each other from that first day. We never discussed the big family thing for a long time. I mean, I had given up on my dreams, too. Dating had been awful for me, so I was single for many years before we met. I truly believed that I would grow up and have eleven cats. I've written about the cat lady stuff plenty in here! I do love kitties! 

But on wedding night, we had our first big fight in our fancy hotel room. The one we rented by the airport as we were planning to fly out the next morning to the Maldives. Neither of us had ever been there before. What a beautiful place. We have been back four times now. I gotta go. Kids are awake now. I can hear them downstairs. I better get down there before they attempt breakfast by themselves and make a mess. 

Dear Dear Diary, 

The past few days have been so hectic. I have not had time to write in my beloved diary. The place where I can hide all of my deepest and darkest secrets. It's such a great outlet for me to have this sacred space. 

About that first fight that Marco and I had. After our wedding, in that fancy hotel, he told me that he could never have children. I was hurt that he never told me sooner. In his defense, we actually never told each other that we wanted to have kids, especially not that we had dreamt about having big families as children ourselves. 

At first, we argued and raised our voices at each other. I remember it like it was yesterday because we had never talked to each other like that. We still almost never argue or raise our voices at each other. In many ways, we have a perfect relationship minus the one little problem where he can not produce children. 

Quickly, we realized that having a fight about this was just stupid. We ended up talking for hours about our childhood dreams of having big families. He told me about the accident, and I told him about my unfortunate dating experiences that turned me off from wanting a family. We both admitted that we could find a solution to our little problem. We did because we have eight amazing children now and live a blessed life. Minus one huge, deep, dark secret. That would ruin our lives. 

Goodnight, Diary. Until next time. 

Dear Dear Diary,

Today was rough. It's been a few days since I visited you. I keep trying to find a solution to this secret of mine. I guess I was a determined woman and did whatever it would take to build this family of mine. 

At first, Marco and I tried having a baby the "normal way." Because you never know. Miracles happen all of the time. Maybe those doctors were wrong. But after two years, I started feeling incredibly desperate. I knew I was ovulating that day. I had taken an ovulation test earlier that morning. 

I took myself out to lunch to think about our next move. I had the hostess seat me on the outside deck, facing the sound. I desperately wanted some relief from this sinking feeling that I was having about never having the children I dreamt about with the man of my dreams. 

When suddenly this cute waiter approached my table. I ordered my favorite. A wedge salad with extra chicken and a hard cider or two. Ok, I had more than two drinks, but that is not the point. 

I was a bit tipsy after my delicious lunch and drinks. The adorable waiter offered to call me a cab. I declined the offer, but when I got inside of my car behind the wheel, I realized that I shouldn't drive. I was on my phone looking for the phone number for a cab company, when I heard a tap on my window. When I looked up, it was the waiter. He had my wallet in his hand. I opened the window, and he said he had just checked my ID for my address and was going to drop my wallet off at my house when he left work in a bit. He said my house was on his way home. But then he saw me still in the parking lot. 

I told him that I changed my mind about driving myself and asked if he knew of a good cab company to call, and he just insisted that he take me home. I should have said no, but I wouldn't change a thing that happened after that. 

Well, hubby is home, so I must go greet him at the door and help him remove his shoes. I'm just kidding. You know I would never do that. I would love to kiss him on the mouth, though. I have missed him terribly today. Bye-bye. 

Dear Dear Diary,

Today was another stressful day. Nothing happened, but it feels like I am carrying a lot on my shoulders. Help me figure this out. I keep writing here, hoping a solution will appear. 

Yesterday I was so happy when Marco got home from work. We had the best evening with all of the children. It was warm outside so we used the outdoor kitchen. We made spaghetti and meatballs. Marcos' favorite. We have the best view out there of our little farm and land. The beautiful old barn that came with our old farmhouse. I have filled that barn with many animals over the years. There are so many great memories and some sad ones. Our oldest child is heading off to college soon. Our youngest is starting first grade in a few weeks. We are so blessed.  

I guess I have always been somewhat of a secret keeper. I found this house after we got married and showed it to Marco. We both fell in love with it. He works a lot and I have been a stay at home wife since we got married. My job is to take care of my home and husband. Then, we were blessed with children. I love being at my home. I have spent a lot of time at this old farm by myself.

Which is how I found a secret bunker in that old barn. I kept it hidden from Marco and was going to surprise him when I fixed it all up. But I never got it finished before the thing happened with that cute waiter, Redford. Everyone called him Red, but I always called him Redford. 

On the day that Redford drove me home, I showed him the secret bunker. My husband was out of town visiting his parents. So I had some time. I think my hormones were making me a teeny insane. But in my drunkenness, I came up with a plan. And it worked. Sort of. 

I took Redford down there to seduce him. I had never cheated on my husband before, but I desperately wanted to raise a family with him. I wanted to watch him become a father and shower our children with the love I knew he had bottled up inside. I think I lost my mind for a brief moment that night. I totally did. 

Afterward, I was showing Redford around the old barn, and I asked if he could help me move these bins full of chicken feed. When he was helping me, an old board fell and hit him on the head. At the same time, my phone started ringing. It was Marco. He was letting me know he was heading home early from his parents' house. I had two and a half hours to deal with the situation in front of me! 

"Redford, Redford, Redford," I kept yelling as I stared at this cute guy in horror. He was not waking up. He was still breathing. What was I going to do? So, I did what any rational person would do. And I drug his body back down into the secret bunker. I tied him up and left him there while I figured out what to do with his car. 

Thank goodness we didn't have security cameras back then. I pulled his car around the barn and down towards the woods past our pile of logs that we needed to chop up for winter. I threw an old tarp over it and planned to deal with it after my husband went to bed. I figured Marco would be tired and head to bed shortly after he got home, and then Redford could sneak out. Marco literally came home, kissed me goodnight, and headed for bed. I had completely forgotten to even tell him that I was ovulating. 

When I went back outside to check on Redford, he was still passed out. So I secured him better so he could not escape while I thought about what to do next. A week later, I rolled his car into our deep ravine and covered it with a lot of brush, branches, manure, old hay and anything else I could find around the farm to help me bury it. Once I secured him for that second time, I just couldn't let him go. I got too scared. And then, like clockwork about five weeks later, I woke up with morning sickness. Finally, I was pregnant! I couldn't wait to tell Marco. He was the happiest I had ever seen him. He was even happier than on our wedding day. It was the best day!

I need some sleep. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders right now...

Dear Dear Diary, 

Everything feels so heavy right now. I haven't been able to ride my horses in over a month. I have not been able to write in my beloved diary in almost as long. I need an outlet. I am so tired of living this lie. It started off so innocent. I never intended for it to get this far.... it's been eighteen years of keeping this secret.. It is so dark. It's so bad. If I am found out, I will go to prison for life. I will lose everything. I will hurt the people that I love the most. My wonderful husband and our lovely children. This would ruin them all. 

Poor Redford. He paid the heaviest price. He hasn't seen the light of day in eighteen years. I tried my best to give him a happy life in spite of everything. I wouldn't say he is happy, but I do believe he has enjoyed some of his days down there in that old bunker. I don't know how my husband never figured any of this out. Am I that good of a liar? That is just frightening to even think about. I used to believe that I was a good person. 

If I could set Redford free, I would have, but the fear of never seeing my children again was just too much to bear. He gave me eight beautiful children. He tried to promise me years ago that if I let him go, he would still get me pregnant again and again. I became addicted to creating life with him. But I just never loved him like I love Marco. Marco is the best person on the planet. I carry so much guilt around for lying to him. I have never caught him in even a small white lie. I could never hurt Marco. So, I have kept this secret to myself for far too long. 

It's time to let Reford go or something else. I am not a murderer. So I have a hard time thinking about anything else. I spent the last month in the barn every day. I have been prepping for fall and winter on the farm. I have also been visiting my little prisoner. We have the strangest relationship. I feed him only the best food. Our sex is out of this world, and we do it all the time. I try to keep him satisfied, especially because I feel so guilty about keeping him locked up. 

He helped me finish the bunker. It's actually pretty comfortable down there. Well, besides the locks and chains that Redford lives in. He is very sweet to me. In ways I believe he is in love with me. Maybe he has Stockholm syndrome. We will never know for sure. 

I have been storing food and money in the bunker for many years. I have enough money that I could let Redford free, and he could easily live comfortably for a long time on it. I don't trust that he won't call the cops though. So locked up, he has stayed. 

We have been talking about it, but he doesn't say much. I'm not sure why. Maybe he has lived like this too long that he is scared to leave. He is certainly stronger than I am. I'm sure he could overpower me if he really wanted to. That's what I tell myself anyway. I wear the key to his locks around my neck, and when I enter the bunker, I take my necklace off and hang it just out of his reach. It's kind of a mean little game, I guess. But I love it when he begs for his freedom. He says the cutest stuff to me.  

Well, my motherly and wifely duties are calling me.....

Talk soon. 

Dear Dear Diary, 

I have found my wife's journal, and it has been quite eye-opening. I could sense that she seemed overwhelmed lately, but every time I asked her about it, she just shut down even more. Which is so unlike her. So I thought I would pry for information. I was thinking maybe she was having a health scare or something like that. What a mistake. I can never unlearn these dark secrets she has been carrying around with her. I imagine that it really bothered her to lie to me for so long. But that doesn't matter. 

She has truly been a great wife and mother. I wish I could forgive her for what she has done. I finally figured out how to get into that bunker. Now it seems so obvious that it has been there the whole time. Hiding in plain site. One look at the man chained up down there, and I can never look at these children the same again. They all look just like him. How did I never notice that my own children do not even look like me? They're not mine! This is a nightmare. 

I have to walk away. Forever. I will always love my precious Liberty Ann. That will never change. It is kind of ironic that she has such a special name, handed down from her great grandmother, yet here she is taking away someone else's liberty. She's a monster and will pay for this!  

Goodbye, my love. 

  As Melissa was flipping through this diary, she found at the airport, a newspaper clipping fell out of it. She reached down to pick it up. The headline read "Eight Children Mourn the Loss of their Parents In Tragic Fire."   

The article was about how Liberty Ann Smith and Marco Smith died in a tragic barn fire, how they got stuck in the storm shelter below the barn and how they left behind eight children ranging in ages from six to seventeen years old. The parents each had hefty life insurance policies on themselves with their children as the beneficiaries. The insurance company had already run DNA tests on the deceased parents and children and got confirmation from the fire and police departments that the fire was deemed an accident. The children are set to receive up to ten million per parent. Thankfully, Marco had just randomly increased the payout on the policies. 

Melissa thought the most positive part of the entire, sad article was that the children were going to be able to stay in their home with their grandparents. In the article, it stated that is where the children wished to remain. Their grandma is quoted in the article saying, "The children wish to rebuild a new barn where the old barn was in honor of their mother who practically lived in the barn. As for my son , Marco, we celebrate him by having spaghetti and meatballs every Sunday." 

Melissa stood there stunned. Almost running late to catch her flight to the Maldives. She was lost in thoughts wondering if she should leave it where she found it or even call the police. She had saved up for two years for her dream vacation to the Maldives and didn't want to ruin her plans either. So she boarded that plane with the diary.