Lonely one

"Lonely " this might be a word for you but for me it was something which i was afraid of being left out or being lonely . It was my worst fear since my childhood being lonely. "what would i do without freinds in my school?" ,"Will I get a group to join in or i would always be lonely? " . But on my very first day i easily made friends and I literally was really happy. We were freinds of joy , sorrow, pleasure everyone and everything was fine until life happened to us . We all had our choices in our lives but we all promised to be in touch with each other. What we didn't knew was that some promises are just there to be unkept . Then I got a job with people around me here and there not a sign of loneliness to be seen though loneliness to be felt. On crowded and packed city with people running for their lives to save themselves from being lonely, from being excluded from the society for what they were, to be someone who won't be excluded from parties where no one would laugh at you but they won't bother to laugh with you also. I too was sitting in one of those places partying with my colleagues they had a lot to share with me but I sat there thinking and sipping on my drink if I was just to sit there and exempt me from being the 'lonely one' . I had days when i had preferred being at home rather than joining some crowded parties and stare at the crowded and packed roads , but again I was scared to be left . I looked at the sky in morning and wondered if sun had the chance to be able to look at those infinite stars and in night would moon be proud of being crowded by stars . Then just like people had their partners , family and friends same way sun too had clouds which always made the sky appear more beautiful. Moon wasn't proud of himself because he had days when he had to stay away from stars . Life has unwanted gifts for all of us it had one for me too . My parents met with an car accident and just in a moment they were gone very far away from me . I cried but no one was there for me to wipe my tears away and I regretted that i didn't listen to my mother she kept on asking me to go back to my town for a short vacation with my family and I would just say no to her because I had to be busy in making me escape out being lonely . She would never ask me now again to take her out for vacation and my dad would never be waiting for me to go out for fishing. The street was crowded with everyone doing their on work but still my life felt empty and shallow and then as time went on I keep walking ahead and down the path I had found her walking past the streets. One day I had stocked her and there she had told me to ask her out if were a real man. I just kept shuttering infront of her and then I heard the most beautiful voice of her laughter. Heavens poured down on us and finally I asked her out to which she smiled and waved me goodbye. Walking down those now so silent roads I passed one blind man who was there sitting at the footpath playing guitar and describing the beautiful world he had. I had asked him how he knows about the world around him he just said that it's his feelings i too never felt alone with her , only she was enough to make me feel not one lonely guy . As time passes it teaches you something of a great value and I too got to learn something that was , she was having cancer stage 3 she knew from the beginning. I was really angry on her for not telling me this and not trusting me that I won't leave her for her cancer . She had called me several times for now but I didn't pick her call . For the whole night i kept on thinking how I was going to be with her and compensate for all those times i was not with her . Next morning a message popped up on my phone screen from her number , I casually opened it up thinking about making plans for a date to say sorry for my emotional outburst but what was more shocking to me was the message where she had wrote that she wants to meet me in the Cross hospital. Without wasting another moment i quickly put on my shirt and trousers and drove like a madman to the hospital. There she was lying on the bed talking to nurse, until now never had I for once noticed her pale features because I always looked into her eyes which were far more shiny than any other star , more lively than mine. As I called her name softly feeling guilty over the seen I caused yesterday. She turned her face towards me and smiling gently gestured me to sit near her . I quickly sat there not wanting to waste any more time now . She hugged me and asked me to give her guitar from the nearby couch. This was one thing she would do when she was feeling happy or sad which was to sing for me her own collection of her own crazy songs. Today she choose something serious " I was afraid to be loved because I was afraid to be alone without you but then I heard you telling me to let you share my problems. I was scared to die alone but now I have your memories with me . On my death bed I wish to be able to make you smile for the last time. One more time I will sing this not so popular song just for you. I would always look at you from the stars never dare to cry. If you want to feel not so lonely listen to my crazy list of songs I sang for you. After me go and find a good girl just a lil bit better than me I might sound selfish but I want to remain in your heart like a stone in the sea .Years later when you will become a star too I will make sure I am ready with few more crazy songs to sing for you ." After this song I was sure that she had to go really soon away from me . So I said to her that I too had a song for her " I love you so much that I would always be in life waiting to become a star someday to continue to listen to your crazy songs. Your smile is contagious and you are surely great at handling this madman. We might not remain physically together but we are forever connected with our hearts. So from now on I won't lose any other minute without you." She just smiled with her teary eyes and kissed me and then her warm lips were cold . Without my consent, without saying proper goodbye she was gone very far away from me. Maybe goodbye should be unexpected and sudden because I didn't showed her my weak self . Now her lifeless body was lying in my arms free form this crowded world . Today as I write this story it's been 6 years but I prefer to sit alone listening to her crazy songs rather than seeing that crazy crowded not so lonely party and road. She taught me real loneliness and also that I can enjoy it too now I proudly say that I am not afraid now to be alone because I prefer to be the' lonely one .'