Nowhere Train

"Hei, Lel, are you listening?"

Leili wasn't listening. She was more interested with the graffiti expanding from the roof to the wall and scretching under their feet. The red hurt her eyes but the sight was undoubtly pretty. Sitting beside her, Kami didn’t seem to care as much.

Such a pity, Leili thought. There was nobody else in the train to see such beauty. The compartement was practically empty, only the sound of Kami’s salty mutterings filling up the silence.

“Leili,” Kami sighed. “You need to listen to me.”

“I am listening to you.”

It wasn’t exactly a lie. Leili liked to listen to Kami’s soothing voice. She just didn’t want to hear what he had to say. More than Kami's tight expression, she'd rather watch the painting of spider lily under her feet a little longer.

“Then look at me.”

Leili didn’t want to. But she also didn’t want to upset Kami further than this. The atmosphere between them was already strained as it was. When she wordlessly obeyed and looked into his eyes, something in his face softened.

“Listen, we have our ups and downs, don’t we?”

She made no attempts to hide her distate. “You need to stop talking.”

Kami shook his head. He didn’t look angry or disappointed. When they locked eyes, all she could see was bottomless regret. It made her furious.

“I am not leaving you!” she snarled.

Most people would’ve back down in the face of her rage. She’d been told that her face could be particularly scary. For most of her life, everybody had taken one look at her and immediately stepped away from her path. Kami was different. He wasn’t scared of her thug face and nothing she did ever made him go away. Until now, at least. But If Leili had her ways, Kami didn’t have to leave her behind.

Kami took a deep breath. “Leili, I am-“

He stopped, his eyes widened at something far away. Leili followed his gaze. What she saw made her gasp. In the corner of the compartement, there was a huge shifting shadow, looming ominously. She couldn’t see its eyes but she had a feeling they were making eye contacts.

Something dropped cold in her stomach. The shadow was hungry.

Leili was barely aware of Kami holding her hand but when he pulled her, she was instantly on her feet. “Run!”

She didn’t need to be told twice. Focusing on Kami’s back leading her, she refused to look back.

They jumped from one compartement to another with their hands linked. The shadow was rattling loudly behind them as if it could smell their fear. Even when Leili couldn’t hear its voice anymore, they kept running.

Just how big is this train anyway? Leili frowned. She noticed that each compartements had their own unique graffiti. It was kind of hard to miss even though they were currently running for their lives. They were all beautiful.

Eventually, Kami slowed down. They stopped at a blue-painted compartement. Around them, the wall was drowning in morning glory. It was’t Leili’s favorite flower but she still found the graffiti beautiful anyway, just like all the other paintings in the train.

Leili wished she could properly enjoy the scenery. She slumped beside Kami, her legs protesting and screaming in pain. For a hot minute, they stayed quiet, regaining their breath.

“What was that?” Kami hissed.

“How am I supposed to know?” Leili huffed, annoyed. She knew she had made a mistep somewhere when Kami’s eyes narrowed in anger.

“You need to listen to me, Leili!”

“I am listening!”

“You don’t! You just keep running away!”

“If we didn’t run away, that shadow’s going to eat us!”

Leili didn’t know how she knew that. She just felt it The shadow had made her felt like a hunted prey.

Kami put his hands on her shoulder. “If you listen to me, the shadow won’t appear.”

Suddenly, holding back her feelings didn’t seem important anymore.

“You know why I don’t want to listen to you!” she snapped. “You know why and you still put me through it anyway! Kami, you already know that I hate good bye the most!”

She was panting and sweating and so angry. Compared to her, Kami was pratically a picture of serenity. It wasn’t like this usually. Most of the time, Kami was the one who lost his patience first while Leili was the one who tried to calm down the situations. He didn’t look like it but he actually had a temper. Between the two of them, some people had learned the hard way that Kami was the one they should be wary of.

Kami stared at her. Leili stared back, refusing to apologize. He hold her hand gently. “I am sorry, Leili. You won’t remember this anyway. I just-“ he bit his lips. “I just don’t want you to follow me.”

 Leili understood that much. “You’re not going to be happy, wherever you go.”

“That’s right.”

“Then why-“

“You know why,” he cut in, not unkindly. “I have to.”

And that was why Kami wanted to say good bye, even though there was nobody else in the train to hear it. Leili was content to pretend she could board the train with him for eternity. But like everything else in the universe, the train would stop eventually.

Leili sighed bitterly. “Alright, I am listening to you.”

Kami smiled. He seemed as defeated as she was. “You told me once that you hated morning glory.”

“That’s right,” she said, startled at the abrupt change of topic.

“But it symbolizes love, you know.”

“Love,” Leili echoed. “And mortality.”

“Nobody lives forever.” Kami shrugged. “Not me, not you. Even the world will crumble one day.”

“You don’t know that.”

Kami’s smile was strained as he said, “In fact, I do. Where do you think I am going?”

Leili considered it. “You’re going to the end of the world?”

“Close enough.” He flicked her forehead. “You can’t follow me, okay?”

In the corner of her eyes, she catched the shadow shifting in the back of the compartement. “But, I will die eventually,” she said. “Why can’t I just go with you?”

“Because your world is impermanent,” he pointed at the shadow without turning around. “Where I am going to is forever.”

Kami stood up, smiling. “Good bye, Leili.”

Leili couldn’t smile back. She couldn’t tear her eyes away either. Even though this moment would be forgotten, she wanted to see Kami’s smile one last time. “Bye, Kami.”