When my heaven fell apart

I awoke in a peculiar looking room. It was oddly sterile looking and the walls were white and strewn with various documents. It was something I had never seen before, where I grew up this form of hygiene was never heard of.

The last thing I remember was coughing up blood after taking a large dose of my late husband's opioids.

My whole world had fallen apart, now it seems that I might be dead.

Shortly after waking, A figure entered my room. The person had an androgynous form, but I had these vibes that this person was female. They did look familiar to me since I befriended someone of a similar nature who was my late husband's colleague.

This person was seemingly male and was a supporting actor in all the Shakespearean plays I had seen throughout my life until Tobias got sick.

My husband was one of the main actors alongside them. Although in life I did refer to his colleague as she.

That was a statement which her stage manager strongly opposed to. To the point where he brutally attacked her and was about to violate her. She then brutally attacked him, and he died.

From what I heard from Tobias, she had turned the knife on herself. I was devastated, I always looked up to her.

This news came shortly after I found out my dear brother had taken his own life after being on the run from the law. I found out that he was involved in the gun powder situation. Billy was always a dark horse even when growing up.

I recalled when I convinced him to attend plays with me. He would grumble lightly but agree to it. That's when we saw Tobias with the leading lady, of course, all the roles were played by men, but I knew deep down his colleague longed to be a woman. I had witnessed her being verbally attacked on several occasions, Tobias would tut and said the stagehand was lucky that he didn't have to deal with him. I always admired my husband's passion.

When he wanted to marry me, he wanted to meet my parents to make it official. I smirked, as my family was loud at best.

I was the youngest of three brothers and the second oldest, Orsino, had a brood of young children which he would frequently allow to visit their grandparents

While he was alive, Billy would be focused on something else in his quiet area while avoiding me since I had a penchant for constantly teasing my older brother.

When I had told Tobias about my mothers business, he didn't believe me at first. But I showed him the famous South-Gate jam collection. Then there was a collection what was made in 1608 labelled as 'Titania's pickings'

I had helped my mother and her employees pick out different homegrown fruits to add to a new collection. My mother, Mildred South-Gate, told me my collection was bold but fascinating. She told me that while Billys 'Speare collection' was more traditional. That it lacked any kind of stand out flavour like mine.

Her employees had sent the jam to the cast and crew of the Shakespearean plays I had frequently attended.

Tobias was surprised, but his colleague knew all along that I was the daughter of the famous Mildred South-Gate. She was also known as 'Millie the Damson Queen' and she was admired by a certain colleague.

When she found out about my heritage, I then made a jam for her since my skills were getting sharper as I got older. I labelled it 'The Red Queen'.

Until her death I was close to her, I never thought I'd see her again after she took her life. But as for the stagehand, he had it coming. If she had not killed him it was likely that he would bully or violate someone else. Tobias told me he ruled with an iron fist, what he failed to tell me that he was a tyrannical, authoritarian bully.

Things were already dire since I had lost two of my brothers. My oldest brother Cesario was stricken with Tuberculosis. But then my husband became sick. We had no idea what was his ailment, but it may have been cancer of the stomach.

Even though my family was well off, we did not have the medical facilities to save him in our era.

I stayed by his side until he slowly ceased to be, my heaven had crumbled apart right in front of my eyes. I did not think it would get any worse. But sadly I was wrong.

I stayed by my late husband's side for around 2 days, I didn't want him to leave just yet. I was taking some of the opioids that were keeping him stable as he was dying.

I was feeling intense pain in my torso, I was scared that I may have been stuck with the same ailment. Although part of me secretly hoped so as I would shortly join him. But the result was both shocking and heartbreaking.

I had suddenly haemorrhaged blood between my legs! I recalled that Tobias had coughed up blood, so this symptom was peculiar. I then had the sensation that something was coming out of me. I panted and took more opioids as the pain made me holler intensely. It was the pain I had never felt before, it felt like I was dying.

Several hours in I saw the large blood clot which had been causing the pain.

My heart was ripped to pieces!

Just when I thought I couldn't lose any more loved ones. This was the worst experience!

I saw the remains of what was our unborn child. She was too weak to be viable and probably would have been lame from the opioids and red wine I was consuming unknowingly that I was expecting her. Unfortunately, she had barely made two breaths before she ceased to be. Those two weak movements looked very labouring to her so maybe fate had the right idea.

So after a large dose of opioids, I held my darling girl close, and my husband's hand. I no longer cared about going to hell, I was already living it. But this place I have been sent to doesn't seem much better.