I wake up this morning, only to remember that my most precious good is missing. I do not panic. I do not get sad either. I think about yesterday, trying to figure out when I lost it. It is not easy; I have to remember everything that happened, everywhere I went, and everything I did. It is crucial that I find it.
I woke up yesterday and I first made breakfast for my lover. I was happy and my pancakes were reflecting my emotions; the whipped cream formed a smile on each pancake. We washed the dishes together before taking the car. We laughed together all ride long. At that moment, I still had it with me. I could not have guessed that I was about to lose it, and who knew for how long? Would I even find it again? I have to; what am I without it?
Me and my lover arrived at the park. My new ring was shining on my finger and his blue eyes looked at me. Dogs were running all around and the sun was shining brightly in the sky. He made me dance in front of everyone. I could not have been happier. We walked, ran, and danced until lunch. We ate at the closest coffee lunch and we made small talk. Although I would have loved it if he had talked about our future together. I had a ring on my finger after all, and the wedding date was not settled yet.
During the afternoon, he brought me to the zoo. We saw so many animals such as lions, elephants, monkeys, and even snakes. But my favorites were clearly the wolves and the tigers. I admire the wolves; they live in a pack and are loyal to their family. The Siberian tigers, on the other side, were beautiful and I found it so sweet that they were also called ”Tigre de l’amour” in French. It means “tiger of love”. They made me think of my beautiful relationship with my lover. I shared my thoughts with him, and he smiled. I think he was focusing on the elephants though. Joy from being at the zoo with my favorite person on earth made my heart beat a little faster. I was so cheerful; obviously, I had not lost it yet.
When we finished visiting the zoo, my lover asked me if I wanted to go back home. I would have said no, but he seemed so tired that I said yes. The car ride was silent and we were both quiet; there was nothing to say after such an incredible day, right?
The car parked in front of the residential building. He got out of the car first and opened my door. I felt the light wind on my face. The weather had changed; the sun was hidden behind clouds and the air was colder. When I looked up at him, he seemed absent-minded and his eyes were fixing a point near my hands. I moved my hands and he apologized.
We were finally inside our apartment, the light heat of home warming me up. He offered me a hot chocolate that I did not refuse. The light was reflecting on my ring, the ring I looked at every time I could. We sat on the sofa next to each other and ate pizza with our hot chocolate. After dinner, he asked to talk. My heart skipped a beat; it was not a good sign, otherwise, he would not have asked to talk before talking.
’I can’t be with you anymore, I’m sorry’ he said.
’What do you mean? We’re supposed to get married.’ I answered.
’I know, but my heart is not yours anymore.’ He seemed guilty and sad. I knew he did something wrong at that moment and I was pretty sure it included the blonde intern at his work.
’It’s her isn’t it?’
’Not only her, sooner or later we would’ve known that we are not made for each other. I wanted to let you go before something happened though.’
’Then why didn’t you? It would have been easier than getting more and more hopeful’
He looked at me like he could not answer that. He seemed in pain, but my heart was aching too hard for me to care. After saying sorry a million times, he just left. I threw my ring in the room, I do not remember where. I felt rage creeping up and I wanted to scream. But I ended up letting myself crash to the ground and sob. I could not believe that he left me; we went through so much together. He promised never to leave me, never to break my trust. He was the one who knew me the best, which is why he should have known that his leaving would break me. I used to be mistrustful; he is the one who taught me to trust again. I had stopped believing in love when he found me and changed that. I had lost hope that there were some good and trustworthy people out there. In the end, all he taught me was that I was right from the start. The only person that I could rely on was myself. I have to be strong alone.
Yesterday evening, I went through different stages. First, I was really mad and could not believe it. Then came the sadness of course. I cried until there were no tears left in my body. Finally, numbness submerged me. There was nothing left; I was an empty shell. The pain just stopped; I felt nothing.
After thinking about yesterday, I remember when I lost it. I lost it at the end of the day, during the evening. I was alone, suffering from too many emotions to bother. Then, I felt nothing; it was the moment I lost it. My chest was empty, and it still is this morning. But I know exactly where it is. It is my lover’s fault. He was a thief, and he stole the most important and precious thing I had: my heart.