Hiraeth

Do you still remember your childhood? Most especially your childhood memory with your parents? That memory lane lingering inside your mind and prompting you how good your childhood was – because I do. Remembering those times brings me a wave of nostalgia wanting to rediscover my unforgettable early years; where everything seems so perfect and never thought of waking up someday, and will realize that it is not what life was all about. The childhood who hone the character that we have today. The childhood who introduces us to the friends we never thought of keeping. The childhood who let us experience the agony of losing someone. The childhood who let us have a taste of our firsts in life– And the childhood memory that we carry on even up to this day; the memories that we chose to keep forever.

Where do I begin? Let me begin by telling you how I got my first scar. I remember when my mum walked me down the alley of our house wearing the superhero costume she bought me, it was the flash, the one with the orange color suit and had a bolt sign in it. As my adrenaline started to boost up, I tried to run as fast as I could, and without any surprise, I got stumbled and had my first scar. I was crying so badly as I noticed the blood dripping from my knees – and all of a sudden my mum hugged me and telling me to stop crying or else she will let me be the captives of the policemen. That time I knew that I was not alone because I will always have her, my hero.

I even remember when I lost my favorite stuff toy, the one I considered my buddy – Elmo, the guy from the kids show Sesame Street. I lost him when we were on our way to Manila, I was too sleepy that time without knowing that I already lost Elmo leaving him alone on the bus. I was so sad, and can’t stop crying so they bought me a similar one. And as a child, I was so thankful that time. Every night, I shared with him my bed and my blanket. Every night it feels like I was safe from the monsters hiding underneath my bed. I never felt so lonely because of him. And with that incident, I learned to value things and savor every moment. That time I knew that I was not alone because I will always have him, my Elmo.

Did you even remember the first time you disobeyed your parents? Because I think that most of us share the same reason why. When I was about 7 years old, my cousin went outside to call our neighbor friends, Bea, Nicole, Tim, Koby, and Sen. It was around three in the afternoon when we decided to play our favorite games; hide and seek, and patintero. We had the loudest laughter at that time, and our sweat was dripping so bad. We enjoyed playing that special day despite being scolded by our parents because we were supposed to nap at that time. That time I knew that I was not alone because I have them, my friends.

I still remember my first night away from home, it was our school’s Boy Scout Camping. That night was memorable because I had the chance to witness a campfire and watch the stars glaring one by one at the night sky. I was in grade 4 at that time when my father listed my name to those who wanted to experience camping; survival stuff, knot tying, first-aid, and other cool stuff. I was afraid that time because I already knew that I am a soft type of boy, but I continued anyway. My father was the one who tied my handkerchief around my neck and put on the cap in my head. That scene is vividly playing in my mind right not. That time I knew that was not alone because I have him, my father.

But you know what, of all the memories that we have there will always be the one that will haunt us, and make us realize how distressing life is. Some memories keep crawling out of our skin, leaving us traces of the past, and reminding us how painful it is to love someone who is not already around. Out of all the memories, the ones carrying deceased people are the saddest. And every time I think about it, I let the tears find the way out of my eyes.

One day, I woke up thinking that I had a terrible dream, but it turned out that I wasn’t because everything happened. The first time I had witnessed death was when I was in sixth grade. My mom – who used to be so jolly and healthy was diagnosed with colon cancer. As a kid, I never thought of her leaving us soon, not until it happened. Just like a gust of wind, she suddenly left. Just like the warmth of her hugs, it vanished instantly. I was so outraged and at the same time childish on how to deal with the situation not until I was this age when I realized that I lost a treasure, a hero. And one thing that I just realized, childhood memories are forever, sadly, people don’t.

There are memories we want to leave behind the past, but there are also memories that we want to carry on along our way. Despite what happened; my first scar, my first toy, my first camping experience, and my first loss, I am still thankful that I got the chance to experience these things, it transformed me to be the person I always dreamt about – brave and ambitious. This is something that I could never forget. And the memories I had with my parents will remain to be the most special ones. With all the sacrifices they did for me since I was little is plausible. I still have so many childhood memories to tell, but this is where it all ends.