My Mommy Diaries

September 11, 2001

Dear Diary,

Today was sort of a scary day for me. I found out I am pregnant. I had so many different emotions running through my mind. I am not sure if I am happy, sad, excited, afraid. I don't know how to feel right now. I am only 20 years old and not even in a serious or committed relationship, and I am pregnant. How am I going to do this? How am I going to care for a baby when I can hardly care for myself at this point in my life? I don't have any money; I can barely put food on the table. I don't have a steady job, and I am about to bring a baby into this world. I am going to have to ask my parents for help and pray that they will support me through this. After finding this all out this morning, I was lying in my bed and could hear some loud noises in the other room on the TV. Curious to know what was going on, I got up and went into the living room and saw a plane fly right into the twin tower. I was in complete disbelief. I could not believe what I was seeing. So many people were running away from the towers; there were debris and smoke everywhere. I could not imagine what they were going through. All I did was sit there and pray. Pray for them to make it out safely. I am unsure of the outcome from today, I am tired and about to go to sleep, but I'm going to pray again for everyone in the twin towers, the families, and I will say a special prayer for my baby and me. I was so worried this morning when I found out I was pregnant, but after seeing today's news, it just put everything into perspective for me. Having a baby is going to be such a beautiful experience. There can be a lot of sadness in this world, and a baby can bring so much joy.

April 13, 2002

Dear Diary,

Today was the most beautiful day of my life. I became a mom. I got to hold my perfect baby boy in my arms, and it was the best feeling in the world. He is so little. I have never seen anything so tiny. I named him Cole. He looks just like a Cole too. The way he smells, the little noises he makes, and how he tries so hard to wake up and look at me is incredible. I ended up having to have a C-section, but all went well, and I am stuck in the hospital for a few more days. Some of my family have already come in to visit with us. But I am exhausted and asked that everyone went home early so that I could get some rest and spend some alone time with my baby. I just wanted to snuggle him and smell the baby smell. I hope he sleeps well for me, and I already look forward to seeing him for his next feeding. He seems to like to eat a lot. He is so perfect. I'll be even more excited the day I get to take him home.

February 21, 2017

Dear Diary,

I am so happy to say that I am pregnant. I just took a pregnancy test, and it came back positive. After everything, I went through the past few years with endometriosis and suffering with so much pain. Then having to have laparoscopic surgery and IVF. It was a lot to handle. Both emotionally and physically. Then going through two separate transfers, it finally happened. I have never been this excited. We ended up putting in two embryos at the second transfer, and one of them took. This news is so exciting. I can't wait to tell everyone. I have wanted another baby for so long now. My Cole is now 15 and mostly does his own thing, and I find myself missing the baby stages. Another nine months of pregnancy, I am taking it easy and not taking any chances with this pregnancy. It took an awful lot to get here. A lot of pain and discomfort, and I hope never to have to go through IVF again. I am going to embrace this excellent news and do all the right things to be sure I have a healthy baby.

October 15, 2017

Dear Diary,

Another C-section and another baby boy in the books. Wow, am I tired after that. The labor was horrible and so painful. It was way worse than what I experienced with Cole. I had a lousy shaking experience while they were doing the C-Section. I could not stay still. I was so afraid because I did not understand why I was feeling that way. But everything ended up being just fine, and I now have a healthy, perfect baby boy.

I feel so blessed to have both of my children, but I was not sure that the second time around would be possible. But thankfully, it was, and Carter is perfect in every way. I am looking forward to taking my baby home and introducing him to his big brother and starting a life together.

My Cole made me a mom, and my Carter completed our family perfectly.

April 7, 2020

Dear Diary, 

I haven't written in a bit because i have been so busy. These last few months have been pretty good. My Cole is turning 18 on the 13th of this month, and he is supposed to be graduating in June. Carter is now two years old and active as ever. Very cute, though, and fun to be around. The two boys and I are currently stuck in the home under quarantine because of a virus going around. It is quite scary. Most places have closed, and my small business has been affected by this. I am currently a single mother with no income because of this pandemic. I am afraid of what will happen if I can't pay my bills. All I can do is pray that this all gets figured out, and the virus goes away soon. I pray that my children do not get sick and continue to stay healthy. That is what is most important to me are the health and happiness of my two boys. We will continue to stay put and do what we're told and wait for this all to subside.