Awhile

“So, how do you know Aaron?”

“Sorry?” He pulls his eyes from the stars and forces them to meet those of the attractive woman approaching him with a beer in hand.

“How do you know Aaron?” she says again.

“Work.”

She takes a swig from her bottle, smacking her lips a little. “Yeah? What’s your name?”

He hesitates. “Sam.”

“Aymara.” She switches the beer between her hands and extends one to him. He shakes it, then looks back up through the skyglow at the stars. He loves how clearly he’s been able to see them lately.

“What’re you doing over here by yourself, Sam?” she asks.

He furrows his brow, but he keeps his eyes on the sky. “Just enjoying the view.”

She inhales though her nose. “It’s a nice night, huh?”

He nods. “Yeah.”

“Are you and Aaron close?” There’s something in her tone.

A knot forms in his stomach. “I guess.” He turns his attention to the house behind them, bustling with partygoers and pop lyrics. “Where’d you get that?” He points to the bottle in her hand.

“Ice chest by the island.”

“I think I’m gonna grab one too.” He slips his hands into his pockets. “Nice meeting you.”

She stops him before he can take a step. “Are you just trying to get out of this conversation?” She doesn’t sound offended.

She’s caught him, but he tries to play it off. “Sorry?”

“C’mon.” She smiles. “You know I’m not gonna leave you alone.”

After a moment, he relents. “How did you even know you could talk to me?” He’s more curious than confused.

A laugh plays in her voice when she answers him. “I’ve been doing this awhile.” She takes another sip of beer. “I’ve gotta admit, I was a little surprised you weren’t caught off guard when I approached you. That usually happens.”

“Well, I know about people like you.” He rubs at his nose. “And, I mean, you’re not really subtle. You’ve been checking me out all night.”

She lets out a cackle. “God, don’t say it like that.”

“No, that’s not what I meant.” He feels a little warm.

“I know. Sorry.” She finishes her beer and exhales, satisfied. “I’m a little buzzed.” She leans down and places the empty bottle on the edge of the planter. “So.” She runs her hands through her hair, then claps them together. “What are you really doing here, Sam? You’ve been hanging out awhile, haven’t you?”

He knows what she means by that and he doesn’t try to pretend otherwise. For the first time that night, he’s looking down. His shoes are in rough shape. “I don’t really know.”

“Can I take a guess?” she says, and he doesn’t respond, so she continues. “Does it have something to do with Brooke?”

This gets him to look over. “You met her?”

“She seems nice.”

He brings himself to nod. “She is.”

“And pretty.”

He nods again.

“How does she know Aaron?”

He notices some sort of garden bug near the toe of his shoe. “Ethnic Studies. Last fall.” He’s overcome with the urge to squish the bug, but he decides against it. He steps forward instead and leans his forearms onto the iron fence in front of them.

“You afraid they’ll get together?” she says, but it doesn’t sound like a question.

He smiles a bit. “No. They’re just friends.”

“Well, I’ve seen how you react when they get all touchy-feely.”

Now he laughs, and he feels a little warm again. “Look, it’s not Brooke.” His gray eyes wander along the view of suburbia stretching into the horizon.

“Okay, so…?” She joins him on the fence. They’re together now at the edge of the yard and she too looks out over the hills.

He clears his throat. “I dunno. I just—” He bows his head. “It’s just… hard saying goodbye. I haven’t been able to.”

She turns to him. “I know, Sam.”

There’s a long pause between them. Another song starts. Some people laugh. There’s the sound of empty solo cups falling onto cement. “We had all this time.” He chuckles, but it sounds a little pained. “Until we didn’t.”

She nods. “I get it.”

He looks at her again. “You ever believe things happen for a reason?”

She laughs. “You’d be surprised how often I get that question.” He’s still waiting for her to answer him, so she says, “Yes and no.”

“Oh, that’s helpful.”

She smirks. “Look, what I mean is, you guys met by chance. You connected. You… fell for each other.” She pauses, he assumes to gauge his reaction. He must give her what she wants because she looks satisfied. “And then, again, by chance, it was taken away,” she says.

He interlocks his fingers and he focuses on his shoes again.

“But.” She frowns in a matter-of-fact sort of way. “The time you had together: it changed you both. I’d say for the better, wouldn’t you?”

He doesn’t say anything.

“And that’s all you can really ask for.” She shrugs. “I mean, really. In all of this, this”—she gestures to the sky—“chaos, you made things just a little bit better for each other.”

He doesn’t really know why that helps, but it does. But then, he says, “He didn’t say anything at my funeral.” The thought ambushes him. It’s been a recurring attack over the last few weeks.

A sheepish look crosses her face. “I’m sorry, Sam. You know why he couldn’t.”

“Yeah.” He sighs. “It… still hurt.”

She sighs too. “I know, Sam.” She turns with him to look back at the house. They can see Aaron sitting at the bar, Brooke beside him. He looks alone in the crowd. “He’s just not ready yet,” she says. “You can’t fault him for that.”

He lightly bobs his head. “I know.”

“At least he came,” she says. “And he was the last one to leave.”

The flutter of a smile. “I know,” he says again.

She looks to him. “He’s always gonna love you, Sam.” A pause before, “You taught him to love himself.”

A nod and a quiet, third, “I know.” It barely gets out.

“He’s gonna be okay,” she says, placing a hand on the fence where his would be. “And so will you.”

He looks to her. “How do you know?”

She directs his attention back to the hills. The bright constellations are falling from the sky now. Astral rain. When the stars meet the earth, they transform into starlings. A murmuration of winged light begins fluttering towards them. The partygoers look on. The music continues.

“Again,” she says. “I’ve been doing this awhile.”