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Fiction Funny

The locker room was humid and smelled of sweat no doubt from the soccer team sprawled across the benches. Katie took a sip from her water jug and tried to ease her panting. Luckily, the hot anger crawling under her skin kept her from feeling weary.


“What the hell was that out there?”


Coach Macintosh barged into the ladies locker room, and the door swung back and forth on its hinges behind her. Katie’s body tensed up. There was one main rule that The Cougars followed above all, don’t piss off Coach. That is unless you actually wanted to do 50 burpees and run laps until both your legs cramped.


“Well?” she demanded looking between Katie and the brunette across from her.


“Don’t look at me, she’s the one who’s playing dirty on the field,” Katie fumed pointing at the source of her anger.


“What are you talking about?” Amara sputtered. “It’s not my fault that you can’t control the ball.”


Katie’s eyes widened in disbelief, “You stole the ball from me!” Memories of Amara’s foot swiping between hers and stealing the ball played freshly in her head.


“I did not,” Amara rolled her eyes. “You tripped up and I ended up with the ball. Don’t blame me for your poor legwork.”


Katie gritted her teeth, she imaged herself wrapping the girl’s long hair around her neck so that she could shut up for once. She shook her head and dispersed the fantasy because it wasn’t worth going to jail over Amara’s life.


Coach Mac groaned and pinched the arch of her nose. “You two do realize that you’re on the same team, right? This is the semi-final game. You two need to leave your issues at home and act like a team when you’re out on the field.”


Katie slouched back against the lockers behind them. She and Amara had been two of the best players on their team since they both joined as freshmen. The only person who might have been better than them was their captain Imogen. However, Imogen recently left the team due to an ACL injury. The team had been heartbroken about it when they found out. Everyone loved Imogen and she was a great captain. The sympathies were cut short once Coach told the team that she would be selecting their new captain after the semi-finals.


There was nothing Katie wanted more than to be team captain. Soccer was everything to her and she was more than qualified. She had the skill, the dedication, and the confidence. The road to her impressing Coach enough to get chosen as captain was clear except for one person who stood in her way. One person who wanted the spot just as much as she did. Amara was a one-person blockade and Katie was determined to crush her.


“Half-time is almost up, you have five minutes to do what you need to and get back here. Go.” Coach dismissed them.


Katie grabbed her nearly empty water jug and left the locker room to find a water fountain. Different support teams bustled back and forth through the hall. Through the crowd of bodies, she spotted a fountain mountain against the wall not too far from her. She went towards it and popped open the bottle cap, positioning the mouth to the opening.


She tapped her foot aimlessly as she listened to the steady trickle of the water filling. Her jug was quite big, so she liked to fill it to the top to avoid running out of water through the day.


“Can you hurry the hell up? Coach said we only had five minutes.”


She turned around to see Amara standing behind her with her own bottle. Her arms were crossed as she glared down at her. Katie quirked a brow and let her hand loosen on her bottle slightly. It wobbled and spilled some of the water out.


“Oh no,” Katie said unenthusiastically, “My hand. It slipped.”


Amara blinked in silence. “Are you fucking kidding me?”


Katie pursed her lips and shrugged. “Gravity.”


The brunette grumbled and shoved her side into Katie causing her to stumble.


“What the hell?”


“A good captain would put her teammate first, but of course, you wouldn’t know that” Amara taunted as she began to fill her own bottle. Katie pushed back against her and the two began to struggle to keep their bottles under the flowing water.


“Get off of me,” Katie growled. “Did you leave your lady speed-stick at home? Because your BO is burning my nostrils”


Amara laughed, “Yeah that’s probably just your breath wafting back into your face.”


“Ooh, a movie reference. I didn’t realize you were so media literate.”

“I didn’t know you even knew the word literate.”


A sharp whistle behind them caused both girls to freeze.


“Oh my, you Cougars sure do know how to make an impression.”

Katie and Amara wore matching scowls as they turned around.

The captain of their opposing team, The Eagles, stood smugly behind them. Her jet-black hair heavily contrasted against her pale skin.


“Milana,” Amara said tightly. “To what do we owe the honour.”


“Oh, I was just looking for a bathroom. I must’ve gotten lost,” she pouted.


“Yeah right,” Katie muttered under her breath.


“I must say, ladies, I am disappointed in how you’ve been playing out there.” Milana sighed lightly. “Though I’m not surprised.”


Katie and Amara exchanged glances. “Excuse me?” Katie voiced.

“I’m just saying I already knew your team was sup-par at best, but this entire game has been entirely too easy. I must say, I am getting bored.” Milana picked at her nails as if the conversation was entirely uninteresting to her.


Katie could see Amara’s eye twitch from the corner of her eye.


“Our scores are tied,” Amara deadpanned.


Milana fanned her hand in dismissal. “We all know how the game is going to end.”


Katie’s fists curled at her sides. The only person she hated more than Amara was Milana Cortez. She was cocky, stuck-up and thought she was more talented than she was.


“Listen Mirana, everybody knows that the only reason that you were picked to be team captain is because your mommy is your team’s coach.” Katie retorted.


Milan’s face reddened furiously, “You take that back!”


“The truth will set you free,” Katie suggested in fake sympathy as she placed a hand over her heart. Amara choked on her laughter beside her.


Milana’s eyes darkened as she took a step towards them. “You’ll regret that. You and your stupid team,” she spat.


Amara eyed the girl warily, “Say it, don’t spray it, girl.”


If Milana could have gotten any redder at that moment she did.

“Ugh!” she screeched. “Wait until I tell my mother about this.”


Katie scoffed and then did a fake shiver, “I’m scared. Are you scared?” She asked Amara.


The brunette nodded furiously, “I think I might have wet my pants.”


They stared at each other in seriousness for a minute before they burst out laughing. They clutched their knees as their laughs bellowed down the hall. When they finally stood up, Milana only stared at them with hatred pooling in her eyes. Or maybe it was tears, Katie wasn’t sure.


“Everyone on your team thinks they’re hot shit. But I know what you all are,” she sneered.


“And that is,” Amara asked wiping her own tears.


“Nothing but a pack of dirty lesbians.”


Katie choked on air, “Excuse me?”.


"It's literally pride month," Amara exclaimed in horror.


“You heard me,” Milana responded. “Cougars? More like perverts.”


Katie and Amara couldn’t do anything but gape at her in shock.

The captain seemed pleased with herself at being able to render them speechless. She flashed them a smile and recomposed herself.


“I’ll see you lovebirds on the field,” she said and blew them a kiss. “Toodles!”


They watched her sashay away towards her team’s locker room. Amara turned to Katie slowly.


Katie nodded. “Yup. I’m going to make her eat dirt.”


Realizing they were over the five minutes they were allotted, they hurried back to their locker room with half-filled water bottles.


Coach Mac glared at them as they came bustling in. “I’m not even going to repeat what my mind is telling me to say right now. Asses on the bench.”


They winced and sat beside their teammates. Katie turned to one of her mates beside her, Josephine. Josie knew gossip about everyone in the entire city, which is mostly why none of their teammates told her any private information.


“You know Malina right? The Eagles captain?” Katie whispered to her.


Josephine’s brows furrowed, “You mean Milana?”


“Same thing.”


“Yeah, why?”


Amara, who was listening from beside Katie, bent towards them, “She just told us that she thinks everyone on our team is, and I quote, dirty lesbians.”


Joesphine guffawed, “The call is coming from inside the house it seems.”


“What do you mean?” Katie asked.


“I heard from Theresa, who heard from Alison, who heard from her best friend who is an Eagle, whose brother apparently dated Milana, that they apparently broke up because he caught her cheating on him.”


“So?” Amara shook her head. Katie was surprised that she was able to follow Josie's rambling.


Josie gave them a look. “He caught her cheating with a girl.”


Both girl's mouths dropped open in shock.


“Well, if it isn’t the pot calling the kettle black,” Kaie said amused.


“That’s literally what I said,” Josephine glared before leaning back in her seat.


“Eyes up ladies,” Coach Mac’s voice commanded their attention.

“This is the last half of the game, time to bring it home, okay? I know you girls can do this, but we can only win if you work as a team. Remember, I'm looking to be impressed. If you think you can step up and be captain, prove it. Don’t let the Eagles leave here happier than they came. Now let’s play ball!”


“1,2,3, GO COUGARS!” The team bellowed, rejuvenated from the pep talk.


Just as Katie was about to leave the locker room a hand caught her elbow.


“I bet if the both of us worked together we could embarrass Milana enough to send her crying to her mom,” Amara suggested with a smirk.


Katie laughed as the image of Milan’s tear-streaked face came to mind. “You’re on. Coach will definitely make me captain after I win this for us.”


“It was my idea you idiot,” she scowled.


“Stop complaining, this is why no one wants you to be captain. You’re so annoying.”


They left the locker room and jogged onto the field. The sudden influx of noise was overwhelming. The stands were full of people cheering as they realized the game was about to resume. Half of the people wore red and white in support of the Cougars. The other side wore green and black for the Eagles.


The Eagles were to start with a kick-off to start the game. Milana was their captain, so she had the honours. Katie glared daggers at her, hoping she could feel her hatred.


In a second the ball was air-borne, and everyone was running. An Eagle player started dribbling the ball to the net, but Josephine quickly stole the ball and changed directions. Katie ran in her direction to support her when she needed to pass the ball. Amara was closer and yelled at Josephine.


“I’m open!”


Josphine dodged a player in her way and sent the ball to Amara. She caught the ball and continued down the field. Amara was small but fast for her size, she zoomed down the field without letting anyone steal the ball.


Milana came running in from behind her. She was taller and got beside her quickly. Katie ran towards them to assist. Noticing Milana, Amara pivoted around her and continued running.

Milana rushed in as if to kick the ball from between her legs but instead, her foot went up and kicked Amara right in the crotch.

Katie could see Amara’s eyes bulge as she fell to the field. She heard the ref whistling as she rushed over to where Amara was on the floor.


“Are you okay?”, she winced looking down at her.


“No, I’m not. That bitch kicked me in the vagina!” she groaned into the grass.


Katie turned her head to where Milana stood close by. She looked down at Amara in fake shock.


“It was an accident," she claimed, but the small smile on her lips said otherwise.


“You are such a fucking pervert!” Amara screeched.


Milana’s face flushed, “How dare you!”


Katie looked at her and tilted her head. “Well, you did kick her in the crotch.”


Milana gaped at them unable to form a response.


“Is this your idea of foreplay?” Amara asked incredulously as she cradled her vagina with both hands. “Do you have a pain kink or some fucked up foot fetish?”


Katie shook her head in disappointment. “No means no, Morina.”


“What are you talking about?” She fumed, “She didn’t say no!”


Amara gasped, “And that makes it okay?!”


“No! That’s not what I meant!”


“Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.” Katie chastised her, shaking a finger.

Milana lunged for her, but the ref sharply whistled again, finally making it over to where they stood.


“Cortez, that’s a warning.” He said and flashed up a yellow card. Milana shrieked and stomped away towards the rest of her teammates.

The ref looked down to Amara still on the floor. Her eyes were closed as she still gripped her crotch.


“Um, are you okay? He asked tentatively.


She blinked her eyes open and looked around.


Realizing Milana was gone, she sprung up and dusted her butt off. “Oh, yeah I’m fine.”


The ref blinked in confusion but nodded and walked away.


Katie laughed as she watched Milana’s coach scold her from the other side of the field. The pale girl was stomping and pointing as they went back and forth.


“That was good,” Katie told Amara. “You’re a better actress than a soccer player.”


Amara froze and glared at her. “Well, you’re good at neither.”


They walked over to their teammates who immediately swarmed Amara. She assured them she was fine and stretched her legs out. Once the team was convinced she was fine they relaxed. Then Amara turned to Katie and jabbed her in the side lightly, “My leg kind of hurts from the kick so I probably can’t run as fast,” she said lowly.


Katie scratched the back of her neck. Amara was one of their best scorers and was most likely going to get passed the ball to score in the final minutes. If she got the ball and tried to run, the chances of someone stealing the ball were much higher now.


A plan dawned in her mind and Katie smiled, “I have an idea.”


Only a few minutes were left in the game and tensions were high. The Cougars were to start off this time after Milana’s yellow card. Josie stood on the edge of the field with the ball. With a strong kick, she sent it flying. The girls raced towards the ball. The Cougars got control of the ball quickly and sent it down the field.

As Katie expected, once they neared the net, one of her teammates passed the ball to Amara.


She ran with the ball, still faster than most Eagles except one. Milana’s legs carried her to Amara in a matter of seconds. As she came close enough to make a play for the ball, Amara angled her arm as she ran and sent an elbow right into Milana’s boob.


“Ouch!” she yelped as she faltered to clutch her chest. That moment created a window for Amara and as the other Eagles came towards her, she expertly passed the ball to Katie who was open slightly behind her.


Katie caught the ball and charged forward. Noticing that the ball was headed towards the net, the other Eagles tried to catch up with her, but it was too late.


With a hard thump, she soared the ball into the neck barely missing the goalie’s fingertips. The buzzer sounded and cheers erupted from the stands. The game was over, and the Cougars had won.

Her teammates rushed her and tackled her into a huge hug as she cheered.


“I must admit, that was a solid kick,” Amara laughed.


“I was impressed myself with that boob shot," Katie snickered. Amara did a fake curtsy and both of them laughed.


The team ran off the field to Couch Mac, who stood proudly on the sides.


“Great job ladies!” She congratulated them. “Looks like the Cougars are going to the State Finals.” The team whooped.


Amara poked Katie and she turned from the huddle. “Look,” she pointed to where the other team was gathered.


Milana was crying snotty tears in front of her mother as the rest of the team looked on in disgust. Her mother shoved a box of tissues into her hand and stormed off the field. Milana cried harder.


The girls stifled a laugh, satisfied with the results of their joint efforts.


“Now, as promised,” Coach started. “I have decided on your new team captain.”


The girls snapped their heads forward.


Coach Mac looked between each girl pleasantly and clapped her hands together. “Your new captain is Katie-”


“Yes!” Katie yelled in delight. She grinned at Amara’s sour expression. “In your face!”


Coach Mac cleared her throat, “I wasn’t finished.”


“Huh.”


“Your new captain or should I say, co-captains are Katie and Amara.” Coach Mac smiled at them.


Both girls froze. They looked at each other, then at their coach, then at each other again.


What!” they barked.


June 28, 2024 23:46

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4 comments

Sarah Baker
03:50 Jul 06, 2024

This genuinely had me cackling! The biting remarks were all very clever and I loved the way you wrote the dynamic between the characters, it was both realistic and hilarious. Keep up the good work!!

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Justine Clark
02:41 Jul 07, 2024

Haha, thank you Sarah! I'm happy that you enjoyed it and thanks for the review. I had a lot of fun writing this one.

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Unknown User
18:31 Jul 04, 2024

<removed by user>

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Justine Clark
02:40 Jul 07, 2024

Hi Stefanie, thank you for the kind words. I appreciate your comment dearly. I'll be following you as well:)

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