38 comments

General

Dear Journal,

The men in gray suits are coming.

They always have been. Coming to collect those of us who have sinned against society. Trust me, we are the baseball cards that fit oh so perfectly into their greedy, child like hands.

Their explanations for collection are about as nonexistent as the money in my family's pocket. Dad's hands are cracked and filled with oil and despair. Mom's once curly hair flies in a poofy mound atop her sweaty forehead.

No matter how many hours my parents work at the suit factory, we seem to be in a constant state of debt.

I am the middle child, or at least I think I am. My parents never told my sister or I who was older. They've probably forgotten by now, just as they've forgotten how to tell the two of us apart. My older brother is too wasted to ever get a job, and Zola and I are too young to.

School is crazy expensive. Work is not an option. Stealing is out of the question. I'm stuck.

Talk to you soon,

Emily

Dear Journal,

They took dad.

How such a kind soul is deserving of rotting in their jail is beyond me. What is the point of all of this? Why us?

I was there when they took him away.

His head hung limply between his shoulders, hunched from years of pent up exhaustion. His gray eyes met my own with an expression I can only describe as relief. It's over, they seemed to say.

A single tear slipped from mom's eyes. Most would just think it was another droplet of sweat racing down the side of her weathered face, but she wouldn't have wiped a bead of sweat away that quickly.

Best,

Emily

Dear Journal,

Zola snuck out last night and came back with a loaf of bread. Based on the smug grin plastered on her face, this can't be good. She's been taking loaves from a farm boy. His seaweed green eyes were much larger than his stomach. She told me he always puts his leftovers on the kitchen counter. She spends many nights sneaking through the colonial build's back door and stealing honey oat loaves.

Oh Dear,

Emily

Dear Journal,

Thank god I was walking with you this morning when I was taken. Two heather gray suits strutted up the cobblestone runway. It wasn't until they were right in front of me that I could see their faces. Empty, like a person whose name you remember but face you can't put a finger on.

I had to ask them what was wrong, and their only response was,

"You know what you did."

I assume this is another one of their games. Make me pick apart everything I've done over the past few weeks until my mind is just a few broken shards of memories melting on their floor of fire.

Their truck is a cold, gun metal gray that feels like ice against my skin. The gray suits are currently laughing in the front seat, probably mocking my feeble attempts to find a comfortable position in my bed of chains.

Talk to you soon,

Emily

Dear Journal,

We finally arrived at the jail. The gray suits were paid generously for my capture, and I was taken to a cell with dad.

"What did you do?" his warm breath tickled my ear as we hugged.

"Nothing," I said, looking into his warm gray eyes. Dad's premature wrinkles scrunched together in a jigsaw puzzle of patterns as he trailed his fingers down my face.

"Me either," he sighed. "They picked the wrong people."

"What do you mean?" I gasped. He held his finger up to his lips before hugging me again and whispering, "It's what happens when you have an identical twin." My eyes widened. Of course! They think I'm Zola. They think dad is Mark, his twin brother.

I can't rat Zola out. I could never.

Yours Truly,

Emily

Dear Journal,

They split dad and I up for the first step in 'cleansing' our souls. I was forced to watch Zola steal the loaf of bread over and over and over again.

She did it every night. There was a lot of footage to go through.

My eyes still burn from the achingly bright tv. My nail beds are chewed raw, my raven hair a swamp of rage and disbelief.

I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Wish me luck,

Emily

Dear Journal,

Dad cracked.

He exposed Mark. I saw him put on his suit this morning. His gray eyes lost their familiar warmth. He was a shiny new cog, now moving the freshly greased machine of soul stealing. He is gone. I dread the day when I am too.

Bye,

Emily

Dear Journal,

A mole.

A single brown mole on the side of Zola's porcelain doll neck. That's the difference between me and her sitting in this cold, stale bread of a room. I just have to tell them.

I am slipping, but I realized something today.

The gray suits claim to steal the souls of those who are guilty, when really, the machine they work for is long gone with their consciences. Can they truly steal a soul if they don't have one to examine for context?

Unfortunately, I believe the answer is yes, because we are all subconsciously willing to give up the part of us that feels. That loves. That hopes.

I have a feeling this isn't going to end well.

Best,

Emily

Dear Journal,

I am sorry. I thought I could be strong. I ratted Zola out. Now we are both here, except one of us is in a gray suit and one of us isn't. I have become one of them. A name without a face. A soul thief.

I've got to admit, it's much easier to live life this way. There is nothing weighing me down, nor up. I will simply be here forever. Never empty, never full, never me.

Goodbye

July 31, 2020 08:24

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38 comments

Keerththan 😀
06:11 Aug 10, 2020

Loved the journal format. It was like a diary entry. Nice story. Good job. One small advice, in your author bio, you have written you are going to 8th grade. I wish you should remove it. Because only authors who are above the age of 18 should write in this blog. You may continue to write. Thank you. Keep writing.... Would you mind reading my story "The secret of power?"

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Alina Manha
13:53 Feb 22, 2021

Hi ! How are you doing? I really liked your story. It's really good. Looking forward to reading more of your stories.

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11:21 Nov 10, 2020

Hii, Eden Sorry to intervene, in this brutal manner, I have a request for you would be kind to give a single glance over the vehicle which my team had been working over months. https://www.instagram.com/p/CHX5VUPBJOp/?igshid=5f72nb3cgg30 Sorry to take your time and If possible like the post.Because this would help team to win

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18:19 Sep 20, 2020

Hey, Eden would be kind to watch the first video it's on Harry potter. https://youtu.be/KxfnREWgN14 Sorry for asking your time, I would ready your story

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S. M
01:30 Sep 04, 2020

Very interesting and superb take on the prompt. Well done!

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Anusha O
22:23 Aug 24, 2020

I absolutely loved the way you described things. The "empty" faces of the people in the suits, the "broken shards of memories melting on their floor of fire", etc... I can tell that you pick your words carefully and it really pays off. It was a pleasure reading this beautiful story of hardship, love, and betrayal. I was a little shocked when the main protagonist of the story ratted out Zola (and when the dad ratted out his twin brother). I guess I wasn't expecting that because in my mind, humans should be selfless, caring, and enduring. ...

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Eve Naden
20:32 Aug 17, 2020

Great format and brilliant pacing. You have a way with suspense and keeping the reader on their toes. I absolutely adored this story and I can't wait to check out more of your work. {If you have the chance, do you fancy checking out my story 'Cupid'?}

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Eden Conner
15:40 Aug 21, 2020

Thank so much! I will definitely check out your story.

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Mary Donahue
01:50 Aug 17, 2020

Omg I love how u wrote this as journal u also worded it very well you're a very good writer!! 🙂

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Eden Conner
15:40 Aug 21, 2020

Thank you!!

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Mary Donahue
02:23 Aug 22, 2020

No problem!! :)

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Willow Byrd
18:15 Aug 15, 2020

I loved this!! It was so well written, and I loved the diary format. Such a dark and captivating story that had me hanging on to every word. Very well done!! P.S I would love your feedback on some of my stories if you get the chance!

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Eden Conner
15:41 Aug 21, 2020

Thanks so much for the comment. I would love to read some of your stories!

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Doubra Akika
12:02 Aug 09, 2020

"Unfortunately, I believe the answer is yes, because we are all subconsciously willing to give up the part of us that feels. That loves. That hopes." Loved this bit so much. Loved how it was written in diary format. The ending was perfect and left me asking for more. Great job! If you're not too busy, would you mind checking out my recent story? Have a nice day and God bless you!

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Eden Conner
18:01 Aug 09, 2020

Of course! Thanks so much!

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Doubra Akika
18:12 Aug 09, 2020

It was my pleasure!

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Deborah Angevin
12:04 Aug 08, 2020

I loved the journal format and the storyline. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, Eden! Would you mind checking my recent story out, "(Pink)y Promise"? Thank you :D

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Eden Conner
18:02 Aug 08, 2020

Of course! I'm sure it's amazing

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Mustang Patty
09:38 Aug 07, 2020

Hi, Eden, I love how you used her journal to tell the story - it's sort of First Person on steroids. In this apocalyptic tale, you've created a sense of panic. Well done -- KEEP WRITING, ~MP~

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Eden Conner
18:01 Aug 08, 2020

THANK YOUUU!!

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Aditya Pillai
00:59 Aug 07, 2020

Unique. Dark. Captivating. That was a damn good read. Love the format, and the pathos of the ending. This is really great. Looking forward to more from you. Would love it if you could go through mine too!

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Eden Conner
18:01 Aug 08, 2020

Reading yours right now!

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Juliet Wilson
07:04 Aug 06, 2020

Fascinating storyline. I liked how it was written as a journal and the twist at the end.

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Eden Conner
18:02 Aug 06, 2020

Thank you!

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Haley Duncan
23:36 Aug 04, 2020

This was really good! I loved how you told the story using a journal format. That made it easy to read and understand, while also providing the reader with a unique telling of the story. Wonderful work!

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Eden Conner
18:02 Aug 06, 2020

Thanks so much! I really appreciate the feedback :)

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Brandon Johnson
21:33 Aug 04, 2020

Great story! It felt organic with detail and meaning in every word. Keep writing!

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Eden Conner
18:03 Aug 06, 2020

Thank you!!

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Saron Mengistu
03:31 Aug 03, 2020

This is original and captivating. Well done!! I loved the journal composition, and the conclusion was simply alive and left the reader aching for more. Good job!!

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Eden Conner
06:27 Aug 04, 2020

Thanks so much!

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Leya Newi
22:28 Aug 02, 2020

This got dark. I thought it was really well written, and the concept behind it, I’m not sure I have a word for it. Close but far, known but unfamiliar. This probably makes no sense, but I thought it was good. Keep writing!!!

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Eden Conner
06:26 Aug 04, 2020

Thank you! Yeah it's definitely dystopian.

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Leya Newi
13:14 Aug 04, 2020

I love a good dystopia.

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Eden Conner
18:52 Aug 04, 2020

haha me too!!

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Rose C G
21:37 Aug 02, 2020

I like the way you wrote it as a journal. I would like to see a second part because I want to know does she ever get back to herself? Also,🌹Thank you for following me!~Rose~🌹

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Eden Conner
22:03 Aug 02, 2020

That's a great idea!

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Alexi Delavigne
20:13 Aug 02, 2020

This was a good story, very creative! Personally I think it would have stronger impact if we actually saw the moment she cracked and betrayed Zola, showing more of her internal struggle. But that’s just my opinion. It was a good story, keep writing :)

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Eden Conner
22:02 Aug 02, 2020

Thanks so much!

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