Stolen Sweetheart

    “Promise you won’t break my heart?”  I ask sleepily.  “Promise,” he replies.  I lay my head on his shoulder, being comforted by his warmth.  His heavy breaths somehow sing me to sleep.  I open my eyes to the glowing, evening sun.  It is passed eight.  “I should probably head home,” I say.  “No,” His voice is deep from sleeping.  “Just stay a little longer.”  He closes his eyes and moves closer.  I text my mom not to wait up, and burry myself in his arms.

    I met Tyler in film studies my sophomore year.  We started talking almost immediately, but it took nearly the entire semester for him to make the first move.  Ever since, we’ve been practically inseparable.  What we have is something so strong, no one and nothing can tear us apart.

    The beginning of our senior year has been tough already, and it hasn’t even started.  Our schedules came in the mail this week and we only have science class together.  Even our lunches are different blocks.  “We’ll survive it, baby.  Only one more year and we’ll be going to state together,” he says cheerfully.  We both agreed to attend community college with each other.  It bugs my mom so much because she thinks I have potential to go further, but I have to explain over and over that our priorities in life are different.  I have straight A’s, but Tyler doesn’t exceed in school the same way I do, so we figured this was the best option for getting into the same college.  “That’s a whole new form of separation anxiety,” my mom would joke.  Although she likes Tyler, she makes it blatantly obvious that she thinks he is holding me back.  

    The first day of twelfth grade starts out fine.  Tyler and I arrive at school at the same time, but immediately as we walk into the school, we have to part ways.  “I’ll see you third block,”  He smiles.  I smile back at him and nod, taking my books down the hall.  

    I never realized until today that I don’t have very many friends.  I honestly never thought I’d need anyone else.  My first two teachers let us choose our seats, but everyone else already had someone they’re aiming to sit by, so I just found an empty seat in the back by the new girl.  She doesn’t talk much but she has cool style.  As I expected, the first day is mainly just rules and expectations just as it has been since kindergarten.  

    Finally, third block rolls around.   I meet Tyler at the water fountain and we walk to class together.  We immediately head toward the two empty seats by the window, but a loud, stern voice stops us.  “You can all stop racing to get a seat by your friends, I have a seating chart.”  The class groans and we line up along the wall with our books.  The chalkboard spells out Mrs. Thompson.  

    She begins calling out names and I can tell this “seating chart” is just alphabetical order.  She points to the seat close to the board.  “Autumn Bennet, right here.  Daphne Carter, right here.”  I don’t mind sitting by Daphne.  Although I don’t know her well, she seems cool and has a fun sense of humor.  

    Tyler is still up because his last name is closer to the end of the alphabet.  She finally gets to him, and I turn when I hear an unfamiliar name called.  “Tyler Wilson, over here.  And Angela White, right here.”  

    A stunning blonde in a light pink sweater and distressed jean shorts walks over to the table with Tyler.  “She’s new this year.  I heard she’s done professional modeling in the past,” Daphne whispers to me.  All eyes are on her, but I pretend not to notice.  

    “Are you worried about her sitting next to your boyfriend?” She asks.  That felt kind of back handed.  “No,” I snap at her.  “Tyler’s better than that.”

    The next few weeks drag by.  The introduction units are always the worst, and the clock seemed to be ticking backwards.  I can’t say confidently that it doesn’t bother me glancing over and seeing Tyler and Angela talking so passionately.  They just seem so in the moment, even if it’s only a simple conversation.  He’s always laughing at something she says.  It’s the way he looks at her that reminds me too much of how he would look at me when we first met.  

    As petty as it sounds, I can’t help but feel like he’s forgetting about me.   Did he tell her we’re dating? The small talk in the halls is getting too comfortable as our only form of communication.  It’s been a while since we made plans, so I call him to try to arrange something.  “Sorry not this week,” he says softly.  I’m sure he’s just busy.  Definitely just busy.

    Maybe I’m too clingy.  I stopped trying to make plans.  He’ll come around sooner or later, I’d say to myself.  Despite my thoughts, almost two weeks pass and we’ve only exchanged good morning and goodnight texts every other day, along with low conversation in the halls.  Just when I’m losing hope, I bump into him as I’m walking to the office for a late slip.

    “Hey, are you able to come over tonight? Maybe around six thirty?”  I felt so relieved when I heard those words.  This was the reassurance I needed for our relationship.  “I’d love to!  I feel like it’s been forever since we’ve hung out,”  I say excitedly.  “See you then,” He nods and walks off.  I try to ignore the thought in my mind pointing out how strange he is acting.  I hope he’s okay.  

    As I pull into his driveway, I notice he doesn’t come to the door like he used to.  Knocking felt strange, but after a minute, he invites me in.  No one else seems to be home.  “Are you alright? You don’t seem yourself,” I ask with immediate regret.  I sound like my mom.  He sighs.  “We really need to talk.”  He sits me down on the couch as I nervously look into his eyes.  They hold the truth that I’ve been dreading.  “There’s someone else.”  

    I grab my coat and storm out of his house, slamming the door behind me just to set him off because I know it’s his biggest pet peeve.  I remember him walking after me, but I completely shut out whatever he may have been saying.

    The next few weeks are hell.  We don’t even exchange eye contact, and Daphne is the first to notice.  “How did it go down?” She asks.  I wanted to roll my eyes, but I didn’t.  “It just wasn’t working out.”  I tried to stay calm, but the last thing I wanted to do was talk about it.  The worst part of school is having to watch him with Angela.  It feels like he’s intentionally trying to hurt me. Ive never felt such disappointment in someone.

    My emotions have been bottling up for days, and I think the cap is about to come off.  I grabbed an ink pen and a sheet of paper.  

    I should’ve known all along that it was too good to be true.  From the moment we met, I was a fool to think we were endgame.  I thought what we had was special, but it must not have been enough for you.  You always have been hard to please.  And ever since that day, I knew you’d fall for her. Not the one who had been with you through thick and thin, but the pretty girl who made you smile.  I can’t force someone to love, it just hurts me that it couldn’t come naturally.  You made a promise never to break my heart, but I guess promises wouldn’t exist if people had trust.  Maybe promises are meant to be broken. 

    A salty teardrop falls onto the lined paper, smudging the black ink.  I crumble it up and throw it into the recycling bin, because maybe by the time it gets a new start, a better start, so will I.

    My mom and I were talking and I have all the credits to graduate early.  It’s not like there’s any reason I want to stay in school for anymore.

    Days bleed into months and shortly after Christmas, I’m given my final assignments before I can graduate.  I wonder if anyone will miss me for the rest of the year.  Maybe Daphne, but she has plenty of other friends to keep her company. I start to rethink all that happened from a new perspective that I picked up over time.  I reflected not only on his words, but on mine.  Although it was a heat of the moment reaction, I couldn’t say I was proud of how I handled the situation.  Finding someone you love is hard. Finding someone who loves you back is harder. He was the sun, and I was the moon.  He was the x variable, and I was the y.  I needed him, but he can be okay on his own.  I cannot hold him against what he said, because it was the truth.  He could’ve cheated, lied, or cut me off with no explanation, but he didn’t.  That’s one thing I’ll always love about him, he doesn’t fake it.  So even if it didn’t last, I can know for certain that at some point, what we had was real.  Maybe I wasn’t such a fool after all.  Maybe he wasn’t either.

    I heard around that Tyler took Angela to prom.  It hurt, but only a little.  Mainly because I’d been so excited to go.  We were going to match in dark purple; I had been saving up my money for a dress I picked out and everything.  I really couldn’t be upset with him for going.  There is no valid reason to want him to hold himself back.  And for Angela, she’s a lucky, lucky girl.  She’s everything I wish I was, and if anyone deserves a man like Tyler, it’s her.

    It took me far too long to realize that Tyler, nor Angela is the villain.  There is no villain, and there never was.  We all will get our happy endings at some point, but the book is just beginning.  Although he was only meant for a a few chapters, I couldn’t help wanting him in the whole story.  It may not have felt like it before, but now I know that I will learn to love again.  Best of all, I can still look back and smile at what we had.  The days spent snuggling under the blankets, long walks on the beach, driving him to practice because he didn’t have his license yet.  That was when I realized, there isn’t a happy ending to your first love. Only sad endings, filled with happy memories. 

    And that was it.. the end to a crazy, beautiful, stupid high school love.  I did everything right, but still lost.  Because sometimes Cupid runs out of arrows, and shoots one person, not two.  I learned far too much to say it was all for nothing, but just like that, we ended exactly how we started: strangers.