Desiring My Darling

February 14, 2014

The phone rings, and rings, and rings. The answer machine picks up. “Please leave a message after the beep.” Beep. 

“Hey dad it's Darion, I didn’t want you to be alone tonight so I thought I could come over and we could hang ou-” Someone picks up the phone.

“No that’s alright, you live over 2 hours away anyway” He held the phone up to his ear while he wrestles with a wine bottle trying to open it. “I’ll be alright tonight son, you go on and relax with Justine.”

Darion lets out a concerned sigh “At least let me come over for a second?”

“I told you it’s fine, I have plans.”

There’s a long pause while Darion tries to find a way to respond. 

“Ok dad, I’ll call you later.”

“Alright son.” The old father hangs up the phone and places it back on it’s stand. “Ok now where was I?” He hurries back to the kitchen to find a bottle opener. The kitchen is silent. He works fast, but carefully making sure it won’t spill open on his collar shirt. He finally gets it open. “Ok now all that’s left is to set the candl-'' He stops mid sentence as if he heard something. “The doorbell? She’s here already?” He races to the dining room table and lights the wicks. “COMING!” He takes one last look at himself in the mirror next to the door and then opens it with a big smile. He opens his arms as a greeting.

“Hello darling, I’ve missed you.”

“...”

He embraces her cold body and squeezes then pulls back to look at her outfit.

“Wow, you look amazing. And you wore your favorite dress.”

“...”

“I’m sorry, you’re right. It's way too cold outside. Come inside.”

He moves beside her and wraps his arm around her plastic body maneuvering carefully through the door paying close attention to make sure her wig wouldn't fall off her head. He places her next to the chair where an empty plate and glass waited for her. 

“Please allow me darling.”He pulls her chair out like a gentleman then bends her legs to sit her.

“...”

He laughs.

“You’re so funny, you’ve always been funny.” He walks over to the kitchen and bends over at the oven to reveal a steaming pot of pasta.

“I made your favorite darling, chicken alfredo.”

“...”

He carries the pot to the table and puts food on their plates then fills the glasses with wine. He sits across from her and pulls his chair in.

“I tried to make it like you always do, it might not taste as good though.” He takes a bite and makes an embarrassed face. “Nope, it doesn’t quite taste like yours. I hope you don’t mind.”

“...”

He smiles and continues eating.

“...”

“Opie? Opie’s fine. He’s gotten better at using his litter box too. After dinner I’ll wake him up so he can see you. He’ll be so excited.”

“...”

“He misses you too.” He takes a sip of wine.“ That lazy cat, all he ever does is sleep since you’ve been gone.” He laughs. “He only ever played with you so now he’s gained a bunch of weight, and he looks out the front window all day behind the couch. That lazy cat.”

“...”

“You’ll have to cheer him up.” He smiles while pulling the fork out his mouth.

***

He stretches his back in his chair.

“That was a nice dinner.”

“...”

“I’m full too. How about we go to the couch and watch the TV.”

“...”

He stands up and walks to her and places a gentle hand under her already bent legs then carries her to the couch. He leaves his empty plate and her full plate. He sits next to her and places her hand on his lap while he wraps his arm around her back.

“I already know what you want to watch darling.”

“...”

“Yep. Your favorite.” He puts on The Andy Griffith Show and looks at her with a big smile. He keeps looking at her and then leans in to kiss her on the lips. He places his lips on hers and slowly begins to make a sour face. Her lips were cold and he could taste the plastic. He pulls away, unwrapping his arm from around her, slowly, trying not to offend her. He stares at the floor with the foul taste in his mouth as a foul mood swept over him. For the first time that night he felt shame.

“...”

He snaps back into his reality.

“What? Oh, it’s nothing dear.”

He puts his arm where it was before and leaned back. Him leaning back on the couch made her stiff body fall into his. She leans on him and from anyone looking in the window behind them, they would have seemed like a real couple. He blushes and they watch 4 episodes of The Andy Griffith Show. 

“...”

“Yeah I’m still awake. You too?”

“...”

“No, you can’t go to sleep yet darling.”

“...”

“I know what will wake you up”

He leans her body upright again and stands up and heads upstairs.

“...”

He hardly hears her from up stairs “What? I can’t hear you, I'll be back in a moment.”

“...”

His steps coming down were loud. “Look who I have. Little Opie.”

“...”

He sits next to her with the orange cat on his lap and strokes its head to the back of its neck. He points at his wife. “Who’s that Opie.” 

“...”

Opie leans over and smells her. He recognized the smell of the dress but not the inhuman smell of the thing wearing it. He hisses and strikes at her.

“...”

“OPIE!” He stands up holding the cat. “Bad boy Opie. You know who that is. That’s mommy. You love sitting on mommy’s lap.” He begins to lower the cat towards her and Opie throws a fit. He scrambled his body so much that the old man dropped the cat on her. 

“...”

Opie lands on her head, knocking over her whole body on the couch and dashes away before the old man could say anything. The old man quickly grows frantic. “OPIE, come here now. Opie now.”

He gives up and turns back to his wife whose body lay on the couch. He quickly squats down in front of her and places her body upright again.

“...”

“I’m sorry darli-”

Her head was crooked and barely hanging on the rest of her body. 

“Oh no. He puts his hand up to her cheek to console and realizes that Opie struck him too. Him realizing his hand was bleeding made it hurt even more. He was hurting, in more ways than one.

“Give me one second Darling, I can make this better. He stands up and kisses her on the lips ignoring the discomfort this time.

***

“Ok all better”

“...”

“Of course, anything for you darling.”

They sat on the couch. His hand was wrapped in gauze and her neck wrapped with tape. The room was quiet with the TV off. He hated the silence.

“I know how to make this better.”

“...”

“Just wait and see darling.”

He walks over to a shelf with records on it and picks one. He places it on a record player and an old song plays. He turns around with a smile on his face looking at her.

“...”

He laughs. “I know you love this song, this was the song they played at our wedding 48 years ago. It’s my favorite song too.” He sways his body over to her keeping rhythm with the music. He gets to her and picks her up and straightens her legs out to dance. He puts his hand around her waist and pulls her close

“May I have this dance Charlotte?”

“...”

He smiles and begins to waltz.

“Nothing could take me away from this moment with you darling. Not my terrible dinner, not Opie, not even death itself could pull me away from you.”

“...”

He realizes that he has tears in his eyes so he squeezes them shut.

“...”

“It’s nothing darling.” His eyes are still shut. “I love you.” He keeps dancing with her with his eyes shut and listens to her voice. She tells her how much she loves him and misses him in the last 3 months. He smiles. Her voice was soft and she spoke with a very distinctive rhythm in her words. He missed her voice. She reminded him of the time they first met in high school and how nervous they both were on their first date. Then how that same night her mother scolded him about bringing her home late. He laughs as she tells him the story. He listens to her voice and lets everything around him fade away. He blocks out the music, all the cars driving by, he forgets where he is. She tells him about their wedding and how mad she was that he accidentally saw her in her wedding dress before the ceremony. She starts recalling the night Darion was born and how she was in labor for so long. He listens to it all and remembers all their greatest moments, especially this one. He wants to stay in this moment forever, so he does. He stops moving and just holds her. He lets everything go blank and just holds her. He squeezes her tighter and tighter hoping she would keep talking to him about something else until he hears a sharp crack sound. Her head hits the ground. The wig stayed at his feet and her head rolls away under the record player table. He dropped her entire body and reached for her head under the recorder. He hits his head on the table and the record jumps out and shatters on the ground. The head rolls further, now behind the couch. He reaches for the head ignoring the shattered record and reaches too fast, opening his wound up on his hand again. He pulls his hand back in pain. He reaches again for her but pulls back because it hurts too much. 

“Dad?”

The old man looks back. It's Darion. 

“What are you doing here Darion?”

Darion inspects the scene. The decapitated mannequin wearing his mother’s dress, the shattered record, and his father laying on the floor bleeding. He had an idea of what was happening but he wanted to ask to make sure

“Dad what’s going on?” The old man looks away ashamed and embarrassed. He won't answer so Darion speaks again. 

“I didn’t want you to be alone tonight so I drove all this way to be here with you. I was banging on the front door, but I guess you couldn’t hear me.” He doesn’t know what else to say so he doesn’t say anything. He goes to the kitchen to get a broom and cleans the mess while his dad sits on the couch. 

***

They didn’t speak while Darion cleaned. When the glass was picked up, he sat on the couch next to his dad. He searched for the right words to say to make him feel better.

“Dad, I miss her t-”

“There's nothing you can say to lessen the pain. It is what it is.”

Darion head drops. And he gives up trying to cheer up his father. The old man stares his son down ready to rebuttal anything else Darion might say. “There's no magic words to take my sadness away.”

“I know Dad.” 

Even though their words were so heavy, they didn’t want to cry in front of each other. Darion opens his mouth again.

“This isn’t how you mourn someone, dressing up mannequins-” The old man lets out a loud sigh interrupting his son. He clasps his hand together and turns his head away from him. With a shaky voice he speaks

“Then what should I do since you’re so smart?”

Darion doesn’t know what to say.

“Well, um,” He stumbles on his words.

“Exactly, you don’t know.”

“Well do what I do.”

Still facing the wall the old man wipes his hand down his face. 

“And what is it that you do?”

“I cry. I cry like all the time. And I miss her all the time. And after I’m done crying, I cry again, and then I cry again, and I cry again. I don’t think I’ll ever stop crying and missing my mom, but it has gotten easier.” His voice cracks. “I find myself crying less and less each month, but I think about her all the time and when I think about her it makes me happy. And I take that sliver of happiness and I keep looking forward each day.”

The old man doesn’t say anything, so Darion hugs his dad and they cry together.

***

February 14, 2015

The phone rings. The old man picks it up.

“Hello.”

“Hi Dad how are you?”

“I’m fine. Do you and Justine have plans for tonight?”

“Not really.”

“Well make plans, be with your wife tonight. Love her while you can.” Darion could hear his father’s smile through the phone.

“Ok dad, I will. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The old man drops the phone back on its stand.

“Opie. Opie. Where are you boy?”

He finds Opie staring out the front window. The once fat cat was smaller now.

“Hey Opie.” He strokes the cat’s back and walks where the record player used to be. Now there stood a memorial he created. It was a tall shelf that held photos of her. It held the photo of her and Darion on his first day of school, the day they brought home Opie as a kitten, a photo of them a week before her passing. Darion even bought another record of their wedding song to add to the shelf. The old man thought it was perfect. He smiles as he looks at all the photos and then wipes a tear running off his cheek. He picks up their wedding photo. He looks at it and misses her, but he’s happy for the time they spent together.

“Happy Valentines day darling.”

“Meow” The old man couldn’t help but laugh at the cat’s response. He sits on the couch and turns himself around, joining Opie looking out the front window.