The other woman

She's staring at me again. God, I wish she would just go away. She looks at me with so much judgement in her eyes. Doesn't she know that I'm doing the best that I can? That I'm barely holding on? How could she know anything about me? She never speaks to me. I'm not her friend, in fact, sometimes I think we are bitter enemies. I never want to be her friend....ever!!!

She smiles at me like she knows my secrets. I wonder if she ever thinks about asking me about them? I dont trust her not to laugh at my petty problems. Sometimes she has a twinkle in her eye like she finds something amusing when I talk. Yet, all she does is smile.

She's still smiling at me but I dont think it's sincere. Her eyes look sad today. Maybe she does know my secrets and she feels sorry for me. She can go to hell! I don't want or need her pity.

I wish I had your confidence to smile and not worry about anything. To know that all I have to do is smile and everything will be alright. My heart hasn't smiled in years. I cant remember the last time I smiled a real smile. You know the kind that starts at your eyes and makes your soul warm? Some people say the eyes are the windows to your soul. I really hope not.

Smile, go ahead and smile you fool. I don't care. You can think anything you want to about me. I'm beyond caring what anyone thinks of me. Go ahead and tell your friends my secrets. Laugh about what a mess my life is. Laugh about all the mistakes I have made and all the regrets I have. Compare your wonderful, carefree life to my dreary existence. I'm used to be looked down on by people like you.

I wish I would never have to see her again. Every time I see her it just reminds me of how messed up my life is. I wish I could be like her and always be smiling and never be sad. Never have any problems or know what hard times are. Never make mistakes that you pray to God every night you could fix. Knowing all too well that you can never fix them. How she must thank God every night that she's not me.

She's smiling at me like she heard an amusing joke. I wish I had time for jokes. My days are too hurried for luxuries like that. Did I ever laugh? Did anything ever make me happy? Was life ever easy? She probably has "me" days. I have never had a " me" day. Instead I have "kids, husband, job, home" days. I wouldn't know what to do with a day that was just for me. It's been so long since I have done anything that I like that I cant remember what I like. I have too much to do for any of that silliness anyway. I'm sure she doesn't have all the responsibilities that I have. Lucky her.

Why does she just keep sitting there smiling at me??? Doesn't she have somewhere to be or something to do? Surely she has better things to do than sit and smile at me? It really makes me uncomfortable. Like she's expecting me to say something to her or offer her something. Maybe she should offer me something or say something to me. Why should I have to be the one to make the first move? Why is everything always my responsibility? Well I'm not taking this responsibility she can just forget it.

She just keeps looking and smiling at me. I think she knows how angry it makes me to see her smile. Is she really that happy? How can anyone possibly be that happy? Everyone has problems, don't they? Then why is she always smiling at me? I hate fake people.

I wish she would stop looking at me like she's expecting me to say something to her. I have nothing to say , at least nothing nice to say. I wish I had the nerve to scream at her and tell her she's a phony. That everyone knows she's a fake. I bet that would wipe that smile off of her face. She wouldn't be so smug then! Just once I want to see her be real and show some emotion. Scream, yell, cry and let the world see that she's not so happy. She has feelings and they can be hurt. She's not so strong. She's not strong at all. Her shoulders ache from the load she carries. Her heart cries from the pain that gets inflicted on her.

Still she smiles. I can barely stand to look at her. I wonder if I'm the only one who has figured her out? She wants the world to think she's so happy and she doesn't have a care in the world. Well I know better. I just wish I could tell her that she's not fooling me. Not for a minute!

Why am I wasting my time caring about her? I have enough going on in my own life. If she wants to pretend she's on top of the world and doesnt have a care then let her.

She's just sitting there smiling like an idiot at me. Everyone always says how happy she is and God how I envy her!! She would probably feel sorry for me if she only knew how I cried in the shower to keep anyone from hearing me. How I have to bite my tongue when people say how charmed my life is. How I just want to feel special for one moment in time.

She's still smiling at me but I'm already late for work.

I stand up from my vanity table and prepare to leave.

As I shut the door to leave I prepare to face another day with a smile.