Please Read!!!

If you like slow service and awful food, then this is the place for you. However, if you’re normal and DON’T like any of that then please trust me when I say don’t go here.

My wife and I made the mistake in doing so. We took one for the team. This is me being a good Samaritan and warning others about this atrocious restaurant.

We went to “Best Cuisine” last night (which that in itself is false advertisement) there is nothing about this place that screams best. More like worst cuisine if you ask me. Anyways, we went to this god forsaken restaurant to celebrate our third wedding anniversary. We wanted to eat somewhere with an ocean view and with a quick google search this place popped up. We briefly read the reviews and looked at the pictures and thought it was a done deal. The pictures looked great. The view looked amazing and it was only a few minutes from us. So I made the reservation, which should have been red flag number one. The process was super confusing and I was asked unnecessary questions. Why would they even care if I am employed or how old I am? Whoever made the freaking website should be fired. Hell the restaurant itself should seize to exist.

Anyways, I did the reservation by the water. We were so excited about going. Honestly it was exactly like the picture but NOTHING like my expectations. I expected being by the ocean, hearing the waves kissing the shorelines. I expected hearing soft background music flow through the restaurant. I expected a wonderful time out with my wife, but all of my expectations fell short. I guess it’s true what they say, not everything that shine is gold.

The moment we stepped inside the restaurant, my nose scrunched. The odor that greeted us was revolting. It was like vomit met dirty mop head who met lavender Fabuloso. I went to the hostess and told her we had a reservation for Sanchez by the water. She said that was impossible. I showed her the confirmation email, but she still couldn’t find it. Wife said it wasn’t a big deal, we could sit anywhere else. So the hostess took us to a table right across from the one I had reserved. The reservation sign on top of the table mocking me.

Now don’t get me wrong the place is actually ridiculously beautiful. The tables were clothed with light blue linen and had these beautiful white roses centerpieces. And the chairs? The chairs were honestly the best chairs I have ever sat on. You know when you’ve had a long day and all your body craves is your bed? And as soon as you lay down it hugs you in spots that’s been hurting all day? Well it’s kind of like that but 10x better which is weird saying that about a chair. But I guess they invested so much in comfy chairs since they have you waiting for ages. Staff must have a fun game of, how long is too long before customers start to complain.

It was almost an hour until our waiter, Eric, showed up. He apologized for the delay. Said the restaurant was ridiculously busy. And then he did the unthinkable. He put his notepad on our table. Reached for his back pocket, took out a pack of gum, and popped two into his mouth! My jaw dropped, I couldn’t believe it! He then had the audacity to offer us some. And don’t get me started on his fucking chewing! It wasn’t the normal kind of chew, the discrete kind. Oh no it was the obnoxious kind. He wasn’t just chewing, he was chomping! How do you even go that aggressive on a new piece of gum?

Oh and in case you’re wondering, we were the only ones there.

Anyways I asked him about the specials. He couldn’t answer me. My wife wanted to know if the black bean soup was vegetarian and he laughed at her! He laughed at her! Full blown HA HA HA and smacked our table and I swear a chunk of saliva landed on me. He told her of course there’s no meat, it’s a black…bean… soup. He pronounced each word so slow making sure we understood. It took everything in me not to flick his greasy forehead. I explained to him that only because something doesn’t have meat didn’t automatically mean it was vegetarian. He then rolled his eyes at me and asked my wife if she was getting it or not. We ended up deciding on a medium steak and an eggplant parm. He repeated the order and left but not without laughing and mumbling is it vegetarian.

We couldn’t believe the rudeness of this kid. I was giving some advice! I’ve been a waiter before. I know how this gig is. It’s been a whole hour since we’ve arrived and that table that is right across from us? That table that I reserved? The table that supposedly someone else was going to claim? Yeah that fucking table was still empty! Hell the whole restaurant was empty.

When we finally got our food, an hour later, I almost had a fit. He gave her a chicken parm! CHICKEN! I quickly told him no it’s supposed to be eggplant. And you know what the little fucker told me? “But the chicken one is better” My patience was running thin at this point, but bless my wife. She calmly told him to return it back to the kitchen and have it remade to an eggplant parm. He scoffed and snatched the plate from the table. My wife told me I didn’t have to wait for her to eat, we waited long enough.

So being the good wife that I am; I listened to her. I began to cut my steak but found it impossible, even with the steak knife. I kept going back and forth trying to cut the thing and in the process shook the table, I almost knocked down the centerpiece and still my steak was uncut. Imagine trying to cut a piece of wood with scissors, that’s how impossible it was. When Eric came back with my wife’s plate we were too shocked to even say anything about my steak. It was as if someone handpicked the chicken off and planted an uncooked eggplant, right on top of it.

You know what caused me to finally break? It wasn’t the terrible service. It wasn’t the food. Not even the eerie silence in the whole restaurant. It was seeing the hostess with another couple going to MY table by the water. She told them that the Sanchez party never showed and that they could sit there.

My heart wanted to come out of my chest. I gave her a death glare. My wife got up causing her chair to fall back. She looked at me and said fuck this place, grabbed my hand and we stormed off.

So please if you are like us. And you’re looking for somewhere nice to go. With an amazing view and food. And somehow you come across this restaurant. Don’t listen to the good reviews like we did. Must be bots or something. Listen to me and just steer away.