The Last Dance

In the corner of the ballroom, he stood. 

Lean and strong, slim but powerful. The essence of a knight, the shiniest of them all.

That, was Lancelot. 

The most wonderful and trustable person I ever had in my life, the first and best friend, my personal knight. 

Saying I lived until now just to look at him every possible day and time sounded so unbelievable and childish. But that is what I like to think. 

He made me go feral, and I was a gracious now at age princess. The second heir of the throne, that luckily has a bigger brother more suited for that role that released me from all the hard and adult world of politics and leadership. I was the small sheep of the family, cared and cuddled. And with the best personal guard. 

I couldn’t take my eyes off him, even when I was the one in the spotlight, the day of my birth anniversary. 

Such beautiful person, inside and outside, shouldn’t even be near someone like me, empty and spoiled. 

His hair always clean and tidy, lifted from his forehead and parted in the middle towards the sides, his rebel tips always defined gravity all over his head, the waves gently caressing his face and neck. The urge to move it and ruffle him was overwhelming and omnipresent. How I did resist all my existence was an unknown miracle.

He changed from his usual armour I saw him earlier that day with, I didn’t know exactly when as I had to keep my eyes on check to not stare too much and give attention to those royal pains.

Now, a white shirt, covered by a full black look fitted him like a second skin. 

A dovetail jacket that worked as a waistcoat on the front, all adorned with gold trim, two long loose belts falling from the small of his back. Everything enhanced his shapes, even better proportioned than mine. Actually, his chest might have been even better formed and softer than mine. Sadly, I hadn’t experiences such pleasure from Heaven first hand. 

And that silhouette, moulded by gods and seraphs’ hands on their happiest and most productive days. A masterpiece my heart wanted to englobe. 

The skin-tight pants made me want to slap those thighs so hard it was so difficult to not look, again. I wondered if to everyone I looked like I kept rolling my eyes, or blinking indeterminate times as if something was stuck in my pupils. Yes, that angelic vision of Lancey. 

But, main point of his legs was that whoever designed those boots knew what they were doing. Actually, that someone needed a medal, from the undersigned princess. A big one. Let it be accompanied by a hand written letter of gratitude. 

Those half thighs high, glossy, leather black boots were my condemnation to Hell, if it existed, in that spot and in that moment.  

He was illegal.

The blue ribbon crossed over his neck with a small gem embedded with the kingdom flower crest, all the blue details highlighted his crystal icy eyes at best. Those big clear pupils I’ve seen so many days yet I looked for them even more. I never wanted to stop to lose myself in them, never stop to look at him. 

Those eyes that were not looking a me. 

He was food for my eyes, mind and soul. He was the brightest gem of my heart, the person I couldn’t care more for. He was family. Yet he couldn’t be. Something deeper was growing within me, yet unknown to my futile knowledge. 

That also meant we were never going to be something real, together. 

All my hopes were burnt from the beginning, tearing my heart with slow and deadly shreds, every day, more and more. 

We were in two different world, yet, we collided as an anomaly we couldn’t reach, and fix. 

~~~

“Nim.” The words I thought came from my deep brother’s voice, were instead light and cheerful. I could feel him standing at the door.

What bad timing.

“Did you binge again on the cakes? Percival said you’re not well. You know you can’t eat too many sweets, you always do that.”

What perfect timing. 

I lightly laughed, but what felt to me was more of a contained cry. 

“Maybe I did, are you enjoying the party?” I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t dare to look at those clear eyes that I had to part from in hours. 

“Did I enjoy your party? Yes. Those people? I can’t say.” He scoffed, walking big steps to reach the balcony jamb. 

“That feeling is mutual. Had any dances?” I wanted to keep our discussion, our last discussion out of all trouble my head was going through.

“I was guarding, negative. I had a princess to make sure she didn’t step on any foot.” I scoffed realising I would surely do that. 

“Sorry I ruined your fun.” I mocked him lifting my head to the sky. 

“Were you heading to bed? Am I disturbing?” He softly asked, taking a step closer. 

I sighed, glancing at the firm light dots adorning the dark blue sky, the glimmering of the moon glancing over us. A view I didn’t know when I’ll be free to see again. I knew something, and that was to not burden Lancelot with my struggles. In the end, who knew when I’ll see him again. My personal guard. Well, not anymore. 

“We shall dance!” I nearly shouted, taking myself by surprise too. 

“Weren’t you sick?”

“That was an excuse to escape and you know it. Cakes are afraid of me not the other way round.” I turned towards him, a smile on my face I wanted to be genuine one last time. 

“Lancelot, would you honour me with this dance?” I formally proposed, my knees slightly bending holding an invisible skirt in one hand, the other stretched towards him. 

He exhaled, but securely grabbed my hand the way I was holding it, reversing the positions. 

“That is supposed to be my line, Princess. I’ll be honoured.”

No matter how loud was the music from the ballroom, we had our own, our rhythm, our bubble no one could pop. We moved at our own pace. He kept my hand tight in his, our royal rings interlacing as we interweaved our fingers, a more intimate gesture I never experienced. Lucky for me he couldn’t see how red was my face. He wrapped my waist, warm and kind, his palm guiding from the small of my back in simple movements. I held on to him as if it was my last day alive. 

I wondered if that really was the case. 

I didn’t dare to move my eyes off his, once I found them. There was nothing I wanted to forget of that moment. I felt like I had to live for it. To lose myself once and for all in those crystals. To forge the most beautiful memory with them. 

The moon was reflecting on his skin, his soft facial features seemed cold under the grey glittering light, but a caring expression was instead placed on his face, his lips softly curled in a warm smile.

“What would happen if I had to grow?”

Out talk now became an exchange of soft whispers, our secret conversation, our secret dance.

Our secret moment. Us.

“Everyone has to grow. Don’t rush yourself just because you think things are going to change suddenly and quickly. I’ll be your support no matter what, it’s my duty.”

I wonder about that. You probably don’t know, and it’s fine like this. It was my burned to cohabit with. 

“I’m… afraid of growing up.” I sobbed, my body trembling from the cold breeze and the instant hiccup. I was about to break. But he didn’t let me. He held me stronger, attracting my body in his embrace, our chests clashing. Our proximity let our breathes mix, his face so close I honestly thought that was going to be the best memory of my life. In his arms, his face so close, lips ready to meet mine.

“We’re always afraid of what the future is holding for us. It’ll be alright, Nim. You can count on me.”

And I would. If that was the case. 

We kept silent, our breathing coincident, his weight swinging me to the sides. 

Until I stepped on his foot. My bare one on his leather boot. 

I knew it had to happen once. 

“I was kind of excepting that.” He giggled breaking the eternal embrace I wanted to slumber in. He wavered when it was time to untie our fingers, and it was mutual. It lasted so short I wasn’t ready to end it. 

“Oh really, I was doing well.” I pouted back crossing my arms, puffing my chest out like the kid I really was. 

“I can’t really see you growing up when you keep sulking for everything.” He ruffled his hair towards the back in a smooth movement, and I stared at him. Back to my essay about him. 

“Give me a pose.” If that was the last time I would see him, I wanted to photograph it in my mind.

“A what?”

“A pose. You probably don’t realise how fine you look. How many girls must have thought what a mighty noble person you are.”

There was that cute soft blush that made my heart beats fast. 

“That is not true. But if that is your wish, Princess, I’ll… try?” He scratched his head while waiting for me to guide him.

“I’ll say that again. You’ll never grow. But I hope you’ll never have to.” He placed a hand on his flank, slightly leaning on one side. 

Yes, definitely my favourite pose. Natural Lancelot.

I rolled half pirouette, back facing the dark scenery of woods and street lamps further away. For how long I wanted to stare at him, I knew it couldn’t last forever. Those fun moments, us enjoying our laugher until we couldn’t breathe anymore. 

He sided me, his elbows leaning on the stone balcony railing. 

“There are many guards with the Erule kingdom today.”

“Are they? I haven’t noticed.” We stared at nowhere, our eyes losing themselves in the darkness. My hands reached the cold stone, but I could still feel warm from his touch, his presence near me. 

He slowly nodded, leaning and swinging back and forth. He sometimes acted like a child too. 

“Princess, if anything happens and you feel in danger, please run.” He whispered tight in his lips when he stopped, his voice unease. 

“What are you talking about?” I tried not to think at what my brother asked me to promise earlier. 

“I just have a bad feeling. Promise me, Nim.” He turned his face to me where I met him. He slid his hand on mine, heat rushing to me as he tugged it in his.

“I promise.” I whispered back. The promise I couldn’t answer my brother. 

What did Percival know more about I didn’t?

But that didn’t care right now. 

Lancelot smiled kindly at me, his face always tender that couldn’t stop my insides from shivering, a pleasurable heat warming up in me every time he looked at me, smiled at me. He somehow shone in the night, but that was surely me seeing things. In the end, I didn’t know anything brighter than him. 

He leaned over me, his other gloveless hand reaching up for my cheek, and placed a faint kiss on my head, his breath warm on my hair.

There was no way I could leave. 

No way I could leave him.