Immortal

In the deep mountains of the English countryside, just north of a little village, there’s an isolated field composed of apple trees and wildflowers. There lies a small cottage surrounded by a little garden, with flowers and herbs planted over the years by me and my dying wife. She looks up at me, lying on our bed, smiling as much as her body allows her. Even after hundreds of years, her eyes still held that same feeling of wonder and love. Even while on her deathbed for what must be the thousandth time, she was still concerned with me and how I felt instead of herself. How could one human being be filled with so much love and compassion? Even after being with her for hundreds of lifetimes, that was still the one question I could never answer. My wife, in this life named Mara, stroked my face, the sun shining down on her. She was weak and frail, her skin pale and her movements rigid. But her eyes still held so much light within them, exactly like they did when I first fell in love with her, when we were still two naive kids, unsure of themselves and enthralled with the idea of forbidden love.

“Does it hurt you every time?” Mara asks me. “Is this really worth it?”

I gave her a sad smile, gripping her hand in mine. “I won’t lie to you, it does hurt a lot. But I’ve found you all these times, and I’ll find you again. And I’ll love whatever version of you comes next. You will always be worth it.”

Mara smiled at me. “Well then, I’ll see you in the next life. I’ll see you later, love.” She closed her eyes, and her breathing began to slow. I stayed by her side until the very end, like I have every time. I held her hand until she finally exhaled for the last time, and her heart stopped beating. The first few times it happened, I was inconsolable. I remember crying for days, wishing with everything in me that I could join her in the grave.

Today, I simply picked her body up in my arms, and started setting up the proper burial. Neither of us have any family to contact. By now, I have memorized exactly what to do, and while it pains me, it makes things simpler. 

In our first lives together, her name was Eliana. I first met her soon after I was first cursed with eternal life. I had worked as an alchemist’s assistant, trying to keep me and my mother fed while she had fallen ill. He tampered with dangerous things, while I brought him supplies, cleaned up, and helped with experiments when needed. His greatest ambition was to alter life and death itself, to play God and bring the dead back to life. I was terrified when he explained, but I needed this money so badly. He had me in direct contact with his experiment, and wouldn’t tell me anything about what it was and the danger involved. It ended up going horribly wrong, cursing me with eternal life and the alchemist with death. My mother fell victim to her illness not long after. In my grief, a girl around my age would come over sometimes with cooked dinner and her condolences. She was my neighbor, and word traveled fast around our small village, so I had plenty of people either trying to reach out, or pestering me about inheritances and marriage. Eliana was the only one who never even asked once. I didn’t want to get close to anyone, I figured there would be no point, since they would die and I would never be able to join them. But she kept on breaking through, always offering a helping hand, and never once abandoning me. I still wonder what made me worthy of that affection and care. 

Eventually, we became friends, spending everyday together, becoming each other’s closest confidants. It wasn’t until her engagement was announced that I realised I had fallen in love with her. I was horrified upon realization. We were both two opposite souls, one cursed with immortality, forced into an extraordinary yet invisible life, and the other engaged, set to live an average, quiet life. I decided to distance myself from her, both out of fear and necessity. I knew that I would have had to eventually, but I didn’t count on it hurting so much. I would take every precaution to avoid her, staying inside when she would come knocking, and avoiding her whenever I saw her in town. 

But Eliana still wouldn’t give up on me. She would knock on my door every day, and ask neighbors to send messages from her to me. So when she stopped coming, I was concerned. Has something happened to her? When I asked a neighbor of ours about her, she told me that she had decided to stop bothering me, and that she had decided to no longer waste her time on someone who would not respond. I still remember how it felt like everything had stopped, how slow my heart beat. If this is what I had wished for, then why was I so devastated? Eliana deserved better than someone like me, who would keep on living on even after she was long gone. But she still needed a proper explanation. I cornered her the next time I saw her in public, and I asked to talk. She looked so sad to see me again, it broke my heart. Everything in me was screaming for me to run away again, but she deserved to know why I couldn’t see her again. She agreed to hear me out, and we went to my house. 

I told her everything. My mother’s illness, the alchemist, the curse, and my love for her. I expected her to laugh, or slap me in the face, or run away, anything but walking up to me and kissing me. I don’t know whether it lasted an hour or a few seconds. My heart was beating so fast, I almost thought the curse was lifted and I would die right there. She was everything I had dreamed of for so long, despite everyone telling me that it was wrong or sinful. I needed her, and I hated myself for it. When we finally broke apart, I cried, and she held me for who knows how long. I was so selfish. Eliana was the one who had been hurt by me, and here she was, holding and comforting and kissing me. I don’t remember the exact words of any conversations I had back then, it was so long ago, but I will always recall exactly what she said to me that day.

“How can you forgive me so easily?” I had asked her, wiping away my tears. “I left you with no explanation, you deserve so much more than the foolish ignorance I’ve shown you.”

Eliana smiled and kissed me again. “Because if you truly believed, for even a second, that I didn’t love you too, then you’re even more foolish than I thought,” she said. “Why do you think I always came back to you?”

Over the course of that day, we discussed our relationship, what my immortality meant, and her engagement. She revealed to me that it was an arranged marriage made by her parents, and that she was only going along with it because she didn’t see any other option. She told me that she believed me, she didn’t care about my curse, that she loved me regardless. Of course she believed me. That’s just how she was, and always has been. Trusting to a fault, because when she knows someone well, she has the uncanny ability to always know the difference between sincerity and deceit. Her perceptiveness has never ceased to amaze me.

The very next day, we ran away from that village with only a small bag of essentials and the clothes on our backs. There was nothing left for me there now that my mother was gone, and she left only an open window and farewell letter for her parents and fiance. We traveled the countryside together, trekked from town to town. Eventually, we settled in a small cottage, one very similar to the one standing today. City life had never appealed to either of us, and we thrived being alone together.

When she died for the first time, I decided that I would never love again. She was my everything, my best friend, my one comfort in a world of cruelty and unacceptance. I took to wandering from town to town on my own, staying in inns and never allowing myself to get close to anyone.

But then one day I saw her again. She looked different, now having blond hair when it had brown in her past life, and her body and face were not the same at all. But her eyes still had the same warmth and joy they had always held, and she still had the exact same bright smile and spring in her step. Something deep inside me just knew that it was her. Somehow I had caught the pity of whatever higher force decides our fates. Whether it was a blessing or another curse, I was having a hard time deciding. But here I was, looking at her eyes again. Her new name was Katherine.

I hadn’t even realised I was staring until she bounded up to me with a friendly look on her face. “Hello,” she said. “Are you new in town?” 

The universe was being cruel to me. No matter what, I would always find her again, no matter where I was, and every single time, she would be bright and smiling and a shining light in my otherwise dark life. And every time, she would fade away from my arms again, leaving me to search for her in vain. An endless cycle of love and life and death for hundreds of years.

But today, I don’t mind that much. I used to, back when I was still younger and unsure. But I now know that I won’t ever really lose her. Even when we are forced apart by death, I will still get to hold and love her again. And even during the dark days, when I am completely alone and all seems lost, she still lives in my memories. I have loved every version of her, and everytime she has loved me too. As long as I remember her, every one of her lives will never really die. For the remainder of my existence, I will love her, even if I am destined to watch her die time and time again. And one day, I will break the cycle, and we can die in each other’s arms, and fall in love with each other all over again.