Credit where credit is due

Written in response to: Write a story in which someone gets credit for something they didn’t do.... view prompt

9 comments

Suspense Funny Teens & Young Adult

Despite the punishingly heavy rains soaking the rebels, morale was high as months of planning paid off and we stormed the bunker of the villainous Commander Thrall.

Finally luck was favouring the right side of the conflict, as the invasion proceeded smoothly from the beginning. Thrall's forces were completely unprepared, many of them dispatched to the Eastern front of his frigid empire.

So even with a lower number of soldiers, the rebels were able to quickly cut through the enemy's ranks.

My own team was part of the front, and we pushed forward as fellow rebels fought off the bulk of Thrall's forces.

My comrades, Roberto and Ayumi fell back next, holding off the second wave of similarly dressed minions so I could race deeper into the stronghold.

"Don't let us down!" Roberto shouted over the clash of weaponry.

"You got this!" Ayumi yelled, before punching a minion in the face.

Heartwarming. I quickly waved back over my shoulder, before focusing fully on my mission. A few servants could be seen seeking shelter, but I ignored all of them as I sprinted deeper into the lair.

The pressure was unreal. We'd spent countless hours strategizing over maps scouts had died to complete, spent ages practising drills, training, doing everything we could to beat Thrall.

I, in particular, could attest to the months, no years, of hard training, meant to change me from an ordinary teenager into the Chosen One. It had been the hardest challenge of my life to gain everyone's trust, to prove myself as more than a cellphone addicted, unathletic loser.

Too much was at stake for me to fail.

Gritting my teeth, I ducked into the conveniently placed ventilation shafts, making my way through the claustrophobically tight ducts. Funny how exhausting crawling could be.

The repetitive, monotonous movement gave me too much time to think. To remember the one thing I still struggled with: murder.

I tried to ignore the thought as I consulted Ozma's map, squinting to make out the directions in the feeble light that trickled into the vents.

See, one wrong move and I could end up in a vat of acid, in the laundry chute where all the evil villain undies went, or end up being feasted on by one of the demons lurking in these shafts.

My mind didn't fall for the scare tactics, continuing to focus on the wrong thing.

Despite my heartfelt promise of doing whatever I had to, I really wasn't ready for living with Thrall's blood on my hands. It sounded so bad, not to sound like a Good Person™ or anything, but murderer really wasn't something I felt comfortable entering into personality quizzes.

Another part of me told me to man up and get over with.

Sighing as quietly as possible, I checked Ozma's map again. Almost there. In a few moments, I would either be breakfast for the villain's monstrous hound, or I'd have to grow up and spill some blood.

I paused for as long as I could at the end of the shaft. Couldn't someone just do it for me? Honestly, this hero thing was not all it was advertised as. The fate of the world in your Dorito covered hands, blah blah, special vaguely defined powers, blah blah, you get to be a murderer, congrats! Everything bad imaginable happens to you, because you're the Chosen One.

Who wouldn't want this life? Sure you get some abs if you flex your stomach hard enough, and yeah, not all bad to have some purpose in an otherwise dreadfully boring life.

But the pressure was ridiculous. I decided that one way or another, it was technically over now. Think about all the lives you'll be saving! I told myself cheerfully.

Taking a deep breath, I bit the bullet, kicking my way out of the duct. Now used to flashy entrances, I rolled and stood up, my weapons automatically ready.

Already, I was breathing embarrassingly hard, and it took me eight seconds to realise there was no villainous chuckling, no weapons flying at my head, my life wasn't flashing before my eyes.

"Hello?" I squeaked out, before clearing my throat. "Hello?" What the hell? Was this any time to go through puberty again?

Nope, just a typical, terribly decorated lair. Some spiky sofas, obviously a dark and jagged map on a table. An open wardrobe full of the least comfortable dark leather clothes known to man.

I walked nervously around the sofa, compulsively turning to avoid sneak attacks. With every moment of nothing my anxiety shot up a notch.

With a heart-stopping fall, I suddenly found myself on the ground, having tripped over-

My eyes bugged out of my head. Commander Thrall!

I threw myself back, scrambling away on my hands before leaping up. "Surrender, Thrall!" I demanded, my voice only marginally less squeaky than before.

He didn't move, lying flat on his face on his red, marbled floor.

"I said-" I exhaled sharply, trying to prepare myself. "Like I'm gonna fall for the 'unconscious villain on the ground trick'. Give it up." Not gonna mention that I already did fall for it.

Slowly, I stepped closer to kick Thrall's shoulder. Then I jumped back, but Commander was having the nap of his life on the floor.

"Okay." I said out loud, extremely confused. I know he didn't have advance notice of our invasion plans, but holy shit being an evil commander seemed hard, if you were gonna be asleep on the floor when your archnemesis attacked.

I narrowed my eyes at Thrall, suddenly feeling very creeped out. It wasn't possible that the guy was dead, was it? He was only like, thirty. He also seemed like the type who mixed a bit of poison into his protein shakes or something, to build up immunity, so I doubted he was dead by poison.

Finally, I just kicked him over. And realized there was a knife stuck in his gut.

"Oh shit!" I gasped. "This fucking guy died?" All the blood must be trapped behind his leak proof armour or something.

I felt oddly disgusted, even though less than five minutes ago I wanted anyone to kill him. Now it was sinking in that this probably would have either been his or my body on the floor, if I'd been the first to try and kill him tonight.

Kneeling on the red marble, I didn't even know what I was doing, studying his stiff corpse, and weird death expression. I'd have to practice that now, no way was I going to be caught dead with some stupid look on my face.

Gently, I grabbed the knife's hilt, and yanked it out. I don't know why, I did that, just like I have no idea why I decided to close his eyes. It seemed like something a normal person would do in the face of death?

Should I be saying shit right now? What would I even say? You were a universally hated asshole who was only good for being a human pincushion for knives?

"Well, sorry about this. I wonder who-"

With a bang, the door to the lair flew open and I jumped up, holding the knife at the ready.

Roberto gaped at me, covered in blood and wet with rainwater.

"Hey man." I said nervously, completely freaked out.

"I can't believe you did it!" Roberto howled gleefully, pointing at me.

"Huh?" I frowned at him, nonplussed.

"Ayumi, Markos, David, Chief Bentley, check it out, the Chosen One killed Commander Thrall!" Roberto yelled, and like he'd summoned them from Hell, my team and leader suddenly materialized by his side.

Their grim faces lightened up instantly, and pretty soon there was shouting and cheering.

"No, you guys have it all wrong-" I stammered, waving the knife around, before looking at it and dropping it. "This wasn't me-"

Soldiers suddenly streamed into the lair, their clamour drowning out my feeble, stunned explanations.

Before I knew it, I'd been lifted into the air, and more cheering and screaming was happening.

"You guys need to listen to me! I didn't do it!" I shouted, but it was lost in the revelry and mania.

I was getting impatient with the noise, even though I understood it. The war was over. Commander Thrall had been defeated, Chosen One fulfilled the prophecy, naturally there were celebrations.

"Guys!" I tried again, but it was lost when Chief Bentley hugged me tight, and I attempted to explain it to his armour.

Chief Bentley suddenly smiled, and I could hear screaming of "Speech! Speech! Speech!"

I was cut off yet again as Bentley started on one of his painfully long, awfully noble and over the top speeches. To my horror, there were several references to me.

"We didn't think he was capable of lifting a sword," Bentley said, choked up. "But here he is, having just murdered Commander Thrall, without a scratch."

Oh no, oh no, oh no. "About that-"

"I've never been prouder of anyone, than I am today of the Chosen One and all of you. The continent owes you all a tremendous debt of gratitude." And it went on.

It floored me to see people like Roberto and Ayumi wiping off tears, but I had to say something.

"Okay, but it wasn't me, I didn't do it!" I yelled, seizing the first moment of silence.

I swallowed nervously, and then Chief Bentley burst into a booming laughter.

"What the hell?" I asked, leaning away from him in case madness was contagious.

In fact, everyone started laughing, and my terror only grew. Mass hysteria? Were they laughing because of course, I screwed up even this, singular task?

"Our humble hero is struggling with the weight of taking a human life. On that note, let us all feast in honour of this incredibly brave person, and all our fallen comrades."

My jaw hit the floor, and I felt the urge to suddenly tear out my hair. No! Nor did I want the reputation of a murderer, nor did I want them to expect me to kill everyone I came across now.

Despite my protests and yelling, I was steered into the Mess Hall, placed at the right side of a leader determined to ignore every word I said, and force fed food while every few seconds someone came by to compliment my strength.

Even Bentley's weird daughter, Ariana showed up to shake my hand. I immediately wanted to tell her everything, since she'd always seemed really smart.

So never let it be said that I didn't try to tell them the truth. "I didn't do-"

Ayumi shoved a spoon of soup into my mouth, and I almost died choking on it.

"It's good, huh? No more army rations for us, thanks to you!" She informed me cheerfully while I gasped for air, trying to stay in the world of the living.

"Chief Bentley," My voice was wrecked as I turned imploringly to the Chief, but he was gone, laughing boisterously amongst some junior officers.

Okay, that did it. I slammed my hands loudly onto the table. "If I could finally have everyone's attention!" I yelled, surprising even myself.

"Hear hear!" A soldier drunkenly toasted, and I realized with a wince that they'd broken into Thrall's wine stores

I took a deep breath to calm myself down, realizing my hands were shaking a little. "You're all giving me the credit for this war finally coming to an end. But you're all wrong. I didn't do anything-"

"Would you shut up? We get it you asshole, we did it together, hooray!" Roberto shouted, biting into a chicken leg.

I dragged a hand down my face, ready to punch him. "No, that's not what I was saying-"

"Would you let her finish?" Ayumi demanded, interrupting me again.

"Thanks, but-" I growled as I heard another voice chime in.

"Hear hear!" A soldier cheered drunkenly, and eight others joined him.

"No, can I please-" My voice got drowned out again as more voices started arguing.

"You, come with me." The Chief's voice cut over everyone and I angrily followed him, without the raucous and messed up hall hearing.

"What is going on?" The Chief asked the second we were out of earshot.

"I didn't kill him!" I hissed, flinging my hands out. "I don't know how he died, I don't know anything! And everyone in there's giving me credit, and it's messing with me. I don't want credit for something I didn't do-don't you dare interrupt me-" I warned furiously when he raised a hand. "I just don't want to be the loser Chosen One who screwed up the one job he had!"

"Are you finished?" The Chief asked dryly when I finally ran out of lung capacity. The permanent furrow in his brow was less, and it creeped me out to realize he was actually smiling. "For the love of God, you actual moron."

"What?" I stared at him, shocked for the millionth time tonight. Did my IQ drop by a hundred points, or has everyone always been smarter?

"Ariana killed Thrall." Chief Bentley said, and I frowned, my jaw falling open.

"What?" I breathed, but the Chief was already explaining.

"I knew you didn't have it in you, and that's not an insult. Ariana is a very different kind of person."

"Yeah." I snorted, remembering the brutal but hysterically fun training Ariana had put me through.

"She ended it, but we knew it had to at least look like you. You trained so hard, you could've done it, but I didn't want to chance it. This war's been raging for a decade, and it's over. You did your part, and everyone's grateful. You've liberated villages, given people rights. You are an inspiration."

More credit. Great. I shuffled awkwardly, nodding.

"And now I need to ask for something else. Your loyalty." Chief Bentley said to my confused expression.

"What?" I asked again, probably sounding really dumb.

"This country needs to be put back together. And not by a council of hypocrites and aristocrats. Just like we beat Thrall together, we need to piece this country back together."

I stared at him, feeling unnerved. Training with Ariana had taught me never to show it, so I just stared in her dead, cold way.

What the hell? I could imagine it now, Bentley running the country with an iron grip. Ariana would be his enforcer, cutting down enemies, covering up that beautiful smile and dry humour with blood.

I swallowed, finally understanding being politically outmanoeuvred with a sinking feeling. Right now I had gratitude from the troops, I was their hero. But Bentley could out me at any moment.

I could out myself, and create a civil war right here. That good mood would evaporate and people wouldn't be on my side.

Ariana would probably execute me, and I didn't want that.

"You have my loyalty." I said, for now, holding out a hand. I saw Ariana then, in the darkness when Bentley pulled me in for a hug instead.

Her dark eyes were fathomless oceans tonight, and I knew she'd killed Thrall for me. I knew I had to bring her on my side.

I walked back into the banquet hall, and threw my hands up when the soldiers cheered. "Why is this place so dead? I only killed Thrall, didn't I? Let's party!"

The cheering got louder, and I downed a drink, meeting Ariana's approving gaze. She winked at me, and I understood the point of our training better now.

I wasn't just about to take credit for Thrall's murder. When I was done, not a single person would believe I didn't kill him, and not a single person would think that Bentley was taking over without my blessing.

I grinned and clapped Roberto on the back, ready to regale him and some soldiers with one of many stories tonight.

I started, putting on my very best smile. "See, being a hero is really about the tough choices."

November 27, 2021 04:54

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

9 comments

Zelda C. Thorne
08:49 Nov 29, 2021

Hey! Well written and nice ending. I liked the dialogue the most I think though the action was also done well. I think you should defo make this a longer story, there felt like too much unexplained that could be developed with more words... I'm going to question bomb you now 😉 Why is she the chosen one? Does she have special powers? Why does it have to be her that kills Thrall? What did her years of hard training entail if she hasn't killed anyone yet? Why are they at war? Where are they - another planet/future earth? Just my inital though...

Reply

Moon Lion
16:56 Nov 29, 2021

Ahhh your feedback is so smart and super helpful! You're absolutely right, and clearly somethings to improve upon in the future. Thank you so much for reading!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Eve Retter
02:09 Dec 03, 2021

Very cool. I think you made a pronoun mistake, but otherwise really funny Moon!

Reply

Eve Retter
19:29 Jan 28, 2022

Your cuter stories are very cute. I love how the villain is literally named Thrall, like a total badass evil dude. Love how the protagonist is this clumsy weirdo and how the Chief just worked around it. Also can you learn military hierarchy because you use General and Chief a lot, or Commander, but there's no sense of how these roles compare to one another.

Reply

Moon Lion
20:26 Apr 25, 2022

Haha omg yeah

Reply

Eve Retter
04:40 Apr 27, 2022

Thanks for getting back to me like 4 months later

Reply

Moon Lion
04:47 Apr 27, 2022

Gosh sorry 😞

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Keya J.
07:22 Nov 27, 2021

Wow this is so amazing! Really, an absolute stunning piece...I loved it! I liked the way how elegantly you described the chaos and the protagonist's impatience. And great twist! I didn't expect Chief Bentley to come up with that. Surely, Ariana has a big heart. I could see this as a longer piece, maybe a book? :) Great story!

Reply

Moon Lion
18:19 Nov 27, 2021

Thank you so much for your wonderful comment! I always write short stories as pieces of larger works, so this could totally be longer and more like a novel.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
RBE | Illustration — We made a writing app for you | 2023-02

We made a writing app for you

Yes, you! Write. Format. Export for ebook and print. 100% free, always.