Celebrity Cat

At a youth prayer group in a small town, the group leader starts a discussion.

“What pets did Jesus have?”

“Peter, James and John.”

“No what pets animals did he have. Not pet people. How about you Lucy, our newest prayer group attendee.”

“Wasn’t he born with a donkey or after a donkey.”

“I heard he can make his all animals his pets so he doesn’t keep one. He’ll make one the spot.”

“That’s interesting but incorrect answer the leader.

“Before you all leave, please shake hands with the person to the left and right of you. Choose a partner and next week you’ll report on your pet and why Jesus made them the way he did. Dismissed class.”

“I guess we’re partners” said the asian boy Jon.

“I don’t want a partner. I want a follower, will you be my follower?” said Lucy

You two are together this week. Please find time to work together said the group leader.

Outside the church the partners continue.

“Well do you have a pet?”

‘No but my sister has a cat” said Jon.

“I hate cats.”

“It’s the only option. We can go see it if you have time.”

“Now?”

“She lives in town.”

“Do we have to? Can’t you just go yourself?”

No?

“Fine. Let’s make it quick. Do you really think it’s going make a difference?…The assignment.”

“I rather not get yelled at” said Jon.

“By the teacher?”

“No my parents.”

“So that’s who you are scared of” asked Lucy.

“I’m scared of my parents I told you already. I don’t even believe in God.”

“Oh okay well good to know. I have to go home now for dinner”.”

“Alright see you.”

“You don’t want to come do you? Or will your parents yell at you if you do.”

“They are out of town.”

“My dad is making chili.”

Lucy, Jon and her dad sit at the dining table.

“Juicy ground chuck, kidney beans and a secret ingredient from this very farm. So where are your parents” asked Lucy’s dad, Farmer Bob.

“Vietnam visiting family for the summer.”

“Well then isn’t Vietnamese food really spicy? You’re going to enjoy this. It’s Tyga’s favorite.”

“Are you Tyga?” whispers Jon.

“Obviously.”

“Everyone around here has tried it…one person asked my recipe and I says to the him, I says, you aint gonna tell me your deepest secrets now? I aint going to seyz mine for free.”

The chili pot nearly boils over in the kitchen. Bob brings the whole pot and serves the children.

”There it is. Plenty of beans too. All sorts. Dig in.”

“Jesus” says Jon.

“You’re burning up” says Lucy.

“The chili peppers are from the yard. Grew’em myself.”

“I knew he couldn’t handle it” says Lucy. Now her voices changes into devil voice, “You should stop before you hurt yourself.”

“You’re sweating’ their fella. Don’t feel bad, it’s the hottest pepper in the world. We’re just use to it.”

“No I think I can finish this bowl.”

“Don’t get in-between a man and his chili baby. There you go, finish it off.”

Jon chows it down but his lips turn white. His face drains of blood and he passes out.

Next thing we see is Jon laying out on the couch.

“I’ve never seen anyone pass out from eating a bowl of chili before.” Says Lucy.

“It was really hot.”

“Well get out of my house now.”

She helps scoop him up and escorts him to the door.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“For what?”

“The assignment stupid.”

She slams the door on him.

The next day they arrive at Jon’s sister’s house. She is in her late twenties.

“Come in, come in we’re just wrapping up. Well this is her, Panko” says the sister.

“Can I hold her?” Says Jon.

“Well she doesn’t like guests usually. did you hold her last time?”

“Yeah.”

Jon holds Panko the cat like a baby. Panko doesn’t not protest.

“Here want to try holding her?” Asking Lucy.

Lucy seems scared but reaches her arms out to collect her. However Panko makes a big hiss as her and scrambles free from Jon. Panko runs away to another room.

“Oh my god sorry about that. She’s a house cat and not used to many guests. We just finished a photo sesh so maybe that why she’s being extra skrungly.”

“Photos?”

“She’s a celebrity cat. She has 300k followers on IG.” 

“Do you have photos of her being a goblin on her page” asks Lucy.

“Oh yeah they love her regardless. Isn’t that right panko” calling out to her.

Is there anything special about her? We have to report back” asks Jon.

“Well we saved her from the kill shelter when she was about 1, now she’s 3. She had 1 week left on her due date when we got her.”

“Oh okay wow” says Lucy.

“She’s cross-eyed. Can you see?”

“Yeah it’s cute.”

“Her fangs are long but that’s normal. That how they kill mice and whatnot. Honestly Panko would never survive outdoors though. She’s not meant for it. She’s a star instead. And that’s about it for her credentials. No street cred sadly. Let me walk you out”

They walk towards the door.

“Well I hope you got something out of that. I’m sorry she hissed at you.”

“Ugh I love her anyways. I want her.”

“Every week I get a request from someone to buy her. But she’s not for sale. Not for a million. I don’t know what I’d do without her.”

“I don’t even have a million dollars and I still want her.”

“If you have $50 dollars maybe goto the shelter. That’s how much I paid. Best deal ever. Well it’s time for her soup. Say goodbye Panko.” She doesn’t appear.

A little later the two of them chat on the while walking.

“Long story short cats are the devil. Jesus made them to show us our own true nature. Got anything to add” says Jon.

“What is skrungly?”

Jon checks on his phone.

“Let’s see…A term of endearment toward something that is kinda ugly, weird, cryptic, or overall eccentric in kind of a funky way, but despite this, is still cute.”

“So when she yawns and all her fangs come out, she’s being skrungly.”

“Yeah. Well that’s about it. We know can say that for the report.”

“Okay then. You’re going to your home empty house now.”

“Yeah I have to water and take care of the field.”

“Well goodbye then. See you at class.”

LATER THAT NIGHT

Jon watches the news at home and see this report:

“Yesterday an inexplicable fire burned down the oldest tree in town. No foul play or foreign agents were found which has the fire Marshall confused. Today the school dumpster was lit on fire and no explanation was given either.”

THE NEXT DAY

Jon water his field. He sees Lucy coming from a mile away.

“My dad told me to bring this to you. It’s bbq.”

“Oh wow. Did you want to come inside.”

“He also told me not to come inside and just give it to you.”

“Well thanks, wait your hands are black.”

“It’s from barbecuing, remember the thing I just handed you.”

“Well tell your dad I said thanks.”

“He…also told me to say that he likes you and he wants you to come over again anytime.”

“Alright tell him I will.”

“Friday. Come Friday. We’ll watch a movie.”

“Really? At your house?”

“Good bye.”

“Goodbye, Tyga.”

“You can’t call me that. Don’t call me that unless I say you can.”

“Okay I’m sorry.”

Jon arrives on Friday evening

“We’ve already started. They are just getting on.”

“Titanic?“

“You’ve seen it?”

“No never.”

“Neither have we.”

“Well I’ll be going to bed then. Early morning. I just needed to see the beginning, I already know how it ends.”

Farmer Bob exits.

“Change it. I don’t want to watch this” says Lucy.

“To what” says Jon as he fumbles with the remote.

Jon scrolls through Netflix.

“That. Lone survivor. That’d my favorite movie. Great movie. So gory.”

Jon is a little confused but plays it anyways.

After an 2 hours of carnage, Lucy loved every bone breaking second of it.

“Did you like it?” Asks Lucy.

“A lot of broken bones.”

“Do you want to watch another movie?“

“Which one?”

“12 Strong. That’s another one of my favorites. I don’t know which one has more deaths.”

“I think that’s enough for me for one day.”

“What do you want to do then?”

“We can talk.”

“About what?”

“You know your sister is so cool. She moved out to the city. She has a cool job and house. And a famous cat. Don’t you look up to her?”

“Not really. I don’t want to do any of that. I’m going to take over the farm.”

“Well I want to be like her. You guys seem to get along at least.”

“Yeah most of the time. I just know not to bring certain things up around her.”

“Like what?”

“Well she’s a feminist. She used to tell me men are scum and how she hates men even though she has a boyfriend.”

“Maybe he found the only guy that isn’t a misogynist.”

“Yup you sound just like her. I’m sorry I brought it up.”

“Yeah why did you bring it up.”

“I thought you might be normal.”

“Might be normal? You sound like you don’t understand what women go through.”

“I do.”

“Get out, get out of my house right now.”

“Wait why. Because I don’t agree with what you said.”

“Exactly get out.”

“You invited me here and now you’re going to kick me out.”

“Alright if you won’t leave right now, I’ll go.”

“Go then I’m not going to rush for you.”

“GET OUT!”

“Why?”

“Because…you…hurt…my…feelings!”

She suddenly runs out the house really fast. Jon can’t chase her down.

LATER THAT NIGHT

Jon awakes to find his garden set ablaze. He tries to put it out and there’s too much fire.

THE NEXT DAY

Jon visits Farmer Bob in the fields.

“Don’t feel bad son, she has run away before” said Farmer Bob.

“Really?”

“Just like her mother her. I haven’t seen her…since she ran away that September morn 10 years ago.”

“So she’s really gone? The both of them.”

“Just like all the female in my life, they came and then run away. Sometimes just as fast as they came. This time slower, 15 years slower.”

“But she’s coming back though?”

“No telling. Last time was weeks later. This time, who knows. She’s not one to be controlled I tell ya. She’s called Tyga for a reason.”

Farmer plucks a few peppers from the plant in front of him.

“Here eat this. I tell ya, tears are emotional relief. They let the pain out fella. Let it out. You’ll get over it, I promise ya. This’ll help.”

They both eat a spicy pepper and tear up immediately. 

“There ya go. Let it out.” Says Farmer Bob while starring out at the setting sun.

IN TOWN

Jon goes looking for Lucy with swollen eyes. After looking everywhere he can, he finds a quiet corners and makes a prayer.

“Dear lord, please bring back Lucy back into my life, I won’t be mean again. I’m sorry.”

Suddenly Jon receives a call. It’s his sister.

“Hey! Where’s Panko? She’s missing. I can’t find her.”

“I have-“

“I’m going to kill you and your whole family if you don’t find my cat. I know you and your little friend have something to do with it.”

“No we didn’t I swear. In fact my partner ran away from home a couple days ago too.”

“My cat didn’t run away, she was kidnapped and stolen. Don’t let me find out-“

“Okay. But I don’t think they are together-Wait is that her?”

“Panko?”

“I think that’s her I’ll chase after her.”

“Get her you dummy.”

Panko runs quickly through the streets. Jon can barely keep up. Panko climbs a steep incline and goes up to a cliff. It takes Jon a minute to run around to get to the same cliff which looks outlooks onto the farms.

Jon sees Panko on the cliff with other stray cats all looking in the same direction. All the cats start hissing at the church which they are staring at from the cliff.

Suddenly the church bursts into flames. Within seconds it’s one giant fireball. The cats won’t stop hissing at the burning church. Jon can’t look away from the fire either.