The Laughing Blade

“Are you there, God? It’s me… Your humble servant…”

The priest’s voice made me stir, slowly opening my eyes from the red nightmare that continued to plague me. Or maybe it was a dream? It was so hard to tell the difference sometimes, sometimes I was the one holding the blade and in others I was the one being carved up.

“Please hear my prayer…,” the man continued muttering quietly, tied up securely in the chair that I’d used so often. It had been brown at first but the streaks of red over the years had become impossible to clean, giving it a dark red appearance. Well blood would do that of course, why wouldn’t it? It was so hard to clean up even from clothes too.

My eyes became alert and I looked up at the ceiling and then the walls of the spacious room, also covered in red, wondering if I was still in the same dream. But no, this idiotic man’s chanting snapped me out of that and I looked over to him wearing his simple black robes that were the symbol of the Order of Righteous and its numerous members. I’d put a rag over his face to keep him disoriented. The man had thrashed around enough at first but eventually he’d relented and given up, and now he turned to the last thing he had left. His misplaced ridiculous faith.

What a fool.

The colors were so bright today, everything seemed to flash even more than it usually did. I could still hear the screams of the people of the last village, and the ones before that. Why didn’t they understand that I was saving them? I was the only one who knew the truth. They should’ve gladly fallen onto my sword but they always resisted and begged while I was forced to kill them.

A line of rats moved in an orderly fashion along the edge of the room before coming to stop before me and bowing down. “Ah back for more treats I see, well I have nothing today little friends,” I said reaching down to pet the one in front who bit my hand.

“OW! You silly persisten-” I blinked and they were gone. They did that really well. I'm not sure I’ve ever heard of rats so fast, I didn’t hear them scurry away either. My hand throbbed where the head rat had bit me and I brought it up to my face to take a look but there was no mark. How strange, well I did always heal fast thankfully.

The priest had stopped his chanting and was frozen in place, he’d heard me and was bracing himself once again. I walked over to the man looking at the blood leaking from his right hand, slow and steadily flowing down the handrest that it was tied to and onto the floor underneath. I’d cut off all his fingers for being such a nuisance and not giving me the information I wanted, who would’ve thought I’d need to cut every single finger and thumb too. Well at least I didn’t need to bother with the toes yet.

“You demon spawn,” he said with difficulty from under his rag, blood dried on his chin from having leaked out of his mouth. “You took my teeth and fingers!!”

I watched the stumps where his fingers had been move ever so slightly, poor thing was trying to make a point it seems. Maybe he should’ve just listened to me from the start then? It’s not like I wanted to hurt him.

Well that’s not true either, I enjoyed the process so much when it came to these priests. They deserved the agony and I would be the one delivering it.

I stepped closer and reached for the rag removing it from his face to expose his weary face. I’d beaten it beyond recognition with my bare hands but he was a tough little bastard and I’d had to get creative. Grabbing his hair I pulled it up to make him look up at me, he could only properly open one eye as the other was still recovering.

“You know I’ve always wondered what it takes to be the right hand of the Pontifex, get it right hand,” I said tossing aside the head cover and reaching for my knife nearby, still red and stained from the man’s fingers. “Maybe a saw would be better? This knife really doesn’t work so well on bone hmmmm.”

I hummed to myself going through the various tools I had laid out on the desk in front of me.

“Mmm no, too heavy,” I muttered, tossing a broadsword aside. “Oh this one is cute!”

I found a small saw with a serrated edge that was still sharp and I walked over to the priest smiling widely under my mask, which only covered the lower half of my face but also had a blood red smile painted on it. At least, I think it was paint. Maybe it was blood, I lose track sometimes of these things. There’s just so much red and it’s all the same at the end of the day anyway. My eyes were what the victims always saw and I made sure to remember them all. Their voices were all I could hear at times, they were the only friends I’d ever had.

“You really are a monster,” the priest gurgled before spitting out some blood onto my shoes. “We who serve God are at least trying to make the world a better place, what do you do?”

“Shush you’re so talkative today priesty,” I said giggling, putting the edge of the saw to his throat and gently brushing the edge against it.

“Please I’ve given you everything you asked for, let me go,” he begged as I pricked his neck ever so slightly and a small trail of blood started seeping out and down. “I haven’t even done anything to you in any way!”

I pulled away humming to myself. “Oh where are my manners? We have an extra guest today!”

Setting the saw aside I skipped over to the next room. “La la la here we are,” I said, finding the other chair I had. This one had wheels and a cloth covering it. I tried to give it a push from behind. “Heavy aren’t we?”

“Ughhh this is so annoying,” I said before finally finding leverage and getting the chair rolling. “I really should fix these wheels, shouldn't I priesty? A bit of a genius invention if you think about it, a chair with wheels!”

The priest just watched me move the new chair into the room directly across from him, his eyes going down to the booted feet sticking out from under the cloth covering it. “Oh right I forgot to tell you, your information was perfect!”

“No… I may have succumbed but I was certain that he had enough protection anyway,” the priest panicked. “You couldn't have possibly gotten through all of his guards.”

I wagged my finger in front of his face. “Silly have you forgotten who I am?” I said pouting in front of his face. “What is my name priesty?”

The man couldn’t look me in the eye and stared down to the side. “...The Laughing Blade,” he finally said.

“Bingo! You’ve won the prize of me not chopping the rest of your fingers off yay!!!” I said with glee.

The man let out a sigh of relief and didn’t see me swing my blade down next to his head.

His right ear fell to the side on the floor and blood spurted out. “YOU MONSTER!” he howled in pain as blood kept spurting out and I picked up his ear with a giggle.

“Oh stop whining, I left enough there for you to still be able to hear… I think,” I replied, playing with his ear in his face and then tossing it aside. “If you ask me nicely I’ll send it to your family along with the rest of you.”

The priest gritted his teeth trying his best to ignore the pain and looked up at me with unadulterated hatred.

“Shut up! I’m trying to think of the next step,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“I didn’t… say… anything,” he gasped, breathing heavily.

“Not you idiot priest,” I said looking over at my little brother Edric as he ran and giggled around the ear lying on the floor. “Stop playing over there, I’m trying to work!”

The priest stared with confusion and shook his head, enduring his pain. “Crazy scoundrel…” he whispered to himself.

“I’m NOT crazy,” I said, turning back to him and giving him a fist to the face. “Now where were we before your rude interruption?”

“Brother, the Pontifex,” Gwen whispered to me as she stood next to the wheeled chair, her face seemed to have gaps in it for some reason now. I just shook my head and ignored them.

“Yes right, well priest here you are!” I said pulling the cloth off the wheeled chair and exposing Pontifex Sullivan who stared in fear at me and then looked at his one-eared subordinate in front of him.

“Giles, it was you?” Sullivan said angrily, trying to move but he was also bound in place tightly. “You gave up my location?”

Giles cringed trying to defend himself through the pain. “Look what he’s done to me, Pontifex!” He turned his head so his injured ear, well what remained of it was facing Sullivan. The Pontifex grimaced and looked away.

“So you’re the Laughing Blade,” Sullivan finally said to me looking up venomously. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet with the disgusting animal that’s been slaughtering our priesthood and many followers.”

I cocked my head to the side and stuck my tongue out blowing a raspberry. “Laughing Blade at your service, you all call me insane but if only you knew that I’m the only sane one in this world.”

Sullivan maintained his imperious gaze, so used to being in control and scoffed. “Yes I’m sure the man who massacres innocents is sane.”

“Brother I don’t like his tone, can we kill him?” Gwen said to me standing behind the Pontifex.

“Yes sister, this man is quite annoying but I’m not ready yet…” I reply, turning to look at Sullivan and pulling out my other knife.

“Sister?” Sullivan says, trying to turn his head to look behind him. “But there’s no one…”

“Be quiet Pontifex, I’m the one in charge of this discussion,” I say, pulling up a chair to sit next to the man and leaning in close. “And I decide just how painful your death will be.”

Giles twisted and turned in his chair. “Please let me go. I've done as you asked, I don’t even know what life is left for me now after what you’ve done but let me live!”

I snorted, turning to look at the man. “You know what Pontifex, why don’t you decide whether he should live, after all it’s his fault that you’re even here.”

Sullivan deliberated for a few minutes before finally announcing his decision. “While Giles has disappointed me, I would not be a man of integrity if I didn’t save every life that I could so please let him go.”

I got up to stand behind Giles chair and reached for his hand restraints and undid them. “What a giving man you are, Sullivan,” I said giggling to myself.

Giles was in tears and gave the Pontifex a nod in appreciation which Sullivan returned.

“Shame I don’t really care!” I drove my knife through the back of Giles throat so that it was sticking out at the front aimed at Sullivan.

And then came the laughter, I couldn’t control it. It filled my lungs and I threw my head back cackling. A jagged sound that got louder as Giles died in front of me.

Finally it subsided and I wiped the tears from my eyes looking over at Sullivan, still looking as regal as always. “Yeah some blood isn’t new to you is it Pontifex,” I went back to the chair beside him. “Do you think I should take your left eye out first or the right eye?”

Reaching into my supplies I pulled out a long thin blade that was almost like a pencil. “You know in some parts they put food on a stick like this and eat it?” I said excitedly. “What if we put your eyes here?”

Sullivan twitched slightly. “I don’t know what you want, you madman.”

“Oh relax, we're just old friends catching up,” I said, putting the blade aside and leaning forward. “Shhh do you hear that?”

Sullivan tilted his head and then shook it.

“It’s just the pounding of my heart from how excited I am to finally be able to kill you,” I said with a smirk. “You don’t remember me do you? I suppose up in your high tower it’s easy to forget all those you trod on.”

“Brother, can we go play outside,” Edric said, poking around Giles.

“Yes little brother soon,” I replied to him. “I just have to deal with our dear friend here.”

“Who are you talking to?” Sullivan asked, brows furrowed. “There’s no one here except me and you Laughing Blade.”

“Oh that’s just my little brother, he’s a sneaky one you can’t see him,” I said with a smile. “My little sister Gwen, well she’s older than Edric but still little to me, she’s also a sneaky one but they’re always with me.”

Sullivan froze as he heard that and looked at me carefully for once. “Edric and Gwen, I remember those names,” he said slowly. “It’s been so many years since the experiments.”

“See buddy I knew you’d remember!” I said, clapping him on the shoulder. “Your church’s experiments to make a perfect soldier and all the boys who died in it.”

“Yes all but one…” Sullivan stared at the ground beginning to tremble.

I stood up in front of him and took my mask off, revealing a scarred face. “Do you remember when you gave me these? Well maybe it was some subordinate of yours, why do the dirty work yourself right pal?”

Sullivan thrashed in his chair pointlessly, unable to move. “Yes I remember, you are Godric, the eldest of the family.”

“Wow, another bingo! So many prize winners today!!” I said snickering. “You trained the test subjects to be masters of fighting, bringing their body into peak condition before administering the treatment.”

Sullivan sat with his head bowed. “Yes, but the rage and instability made it infeasible we had to kill most,” he whispered. “We'd assumed you’d die on your own anyway.”

I slapped his face hard with a bat. “Well wake up! I am right here and in perfect health, so very stable.”

“You were the one who killed your family when blinded by that rage,” Sullivan continued.

“I DIDN’T KILL THEM!” I said smacking his head once again hard. “They’re right here with me, see.”

Sullivan looked around the room slowly. “Son, I don't see anyone here but us.”

“Don’t call me son, I’ve saved all the people your evil church has tried to get to,” I said quickly reaching for the broadsword and lifting it up with ease. “All I see is red but if I have to descend to hell to save everyone then so be it.”

“There’ll always be another Pontifex,” Sullivan said, resigned to his fate. “And killing the followers is a strange way of thinking you saved them.”

“It’s the only way to rid them of your corruption old man, and I’ll kill the next one too,” I said angrily.

I raised the broadsword and brought it down with a clean swipe decapitating Sullivan and put it aside walking back to my chair to sit down with my knees up to my chest.

“Liar, I didn’t kill my family,” I whispered to myself. “I just don’t know where mom and dad are but I still have Gwen and Edric.”

The line of rats reappeared and started walking around the room as the color red filled my view…