Penance

The sweat drips down my head, burns my eyes, and plasters my shirt. I use a dirty rag to wipe it up. It’s no use. I shove the rag into my pocket.

I’ve been at it for at least three hours already, but you wouldn’t know that from my lack of progress. There’s barely a dimple in the hardened earth. It doesn’t want to be disturbed.

My hands blister, my arms sag, and my lungs are ready to burst. But I have to keep going. I heft the shovel and slam it down. A dirt clod clatters away and rolls a few inches.

I keep at it.

Another hour of fighting against the cold ground and the hole is finally growing larger. Deeper, wider. Yet still defiant and unwilling to give completely. I fall to the ground in exhaustion.

In the distance, a flash of lightning fills the heavens above. Rolling thunder cracks. The storm is coming in quicker than I expected.

I need more time!

But I don’t get it. Within 10 minutes, the rain arrives. The hole I’m digging becomes gloopy and mushy as the hard dirt loosens into mud. As I lay the spade into the ground and fling out earth, it’s instantly filled in again.

I’m losing this battle.

But I won’t give up. I have to get down there before Axel gets wise.

Then, the most electrifying flash of lightning and ear-ringing thunder crashes, and the graveyard I find myself in is illuminated.

The ground I’ve been working on comes alive. It’s no longer just a piece of earth, but a maze of worms and roots and rocks and—hands?!

I fall back on my elbows.

What the heck?

Two grayish hands reach for me. Sharpened fingernails claw at the earth, fighting through the undergrowth to reach my skin. I kick and shuffle back out of reach.

The hands seem to grow larger and morph in front of my eyes. The skin tightens and rips right off the bones. Blood and flesh fall to the ground and huge, bony fingers appear. They’re gaining traction.

Beneath the surface something else boils. I stare at it intently, unable to move. Wiry, greasy strands of something begin to spread over the dirt, like the tentacles on an octopus. Slowly moving upwards and out. Then, a horrendous, putrid head pops out.

Eyes! Two huge eyes glare at me through thick locks of hair. Loathing all over them.

I lose my breath. Is this really happening?

“No, please, no!” I whimper.

Lightning flashes, so bright it blinds me for a moment.

When I regain my sight, the face and hands are gone. My chest throbs. I feel tears at the edges of my vision.

“Leave me alone!’” I shout to the night sky.

Another round charges the air, lighting up the entire space. Dilapidated headstones mixed with newer installs protrude from the surface at different angles like broken bones.

Another crash. And right before the light fades, I see them. Only for a second. They’re about 30 yards from my spot. Just standing there. Their muzzles sniffing the air.

I drop the shovel and lie flat on my back. The mud seeps into my skin, but I don’t move. Wolves?

Of course, it’s wolves.

And on cue, the scar on my calf burns like a memory come to life. It’s like I’m back on that camping trip with Axel and my other cousins. The night they left me in the middle of the woods, only to come back the next morning to find me with a mangled leg, a bloodied tree branch, and a dead wolf lying by my side.

All the hard emotions I’ve tried to ignore since I was 12 threaten to leak out of my body. Fear, panic, anger, rage, hatred.

I don’t have time for this. I have to dig.

As the storm swirls, I catch more glimpses of the animals—four of them. Four huge, mangy wolves. They seem to be getting closer.  

I reach for the shovel and tightly grip it over my chest.

Then a howl erupts right behind me. I twist around, ready to defend myself.

But there’s nothing there.

I scamper around, sure the things are going to attack at any moment. But as I survey the area, I can’t find them. They’re gone.

I search the burial grounds for any sign of them, but I’m alone. Alone with the dead.

“Get it together!” I shout to myself. “None of this is real. You’re alone. Just do what you came to do and get out of here.”

I get back to work, but my boots and clothes are so weighed down by the mud I can barely move.

Yet, I persist.

An hour later, in the darkest part of night, the rain has let up, the hole is waist high, but my body is at complete exhaustion. I collapse in the chasm.

Is this worth it?

I want to give up, go home and take a shower, but I know that’s not really an option anymore. Sadie wouldn’t let me in the door even if I was on my death-bed.

I don’t blame her though. I haven’t been the best husband. I’m just a degenerate, manipulative monster just like she said. The only choice I have now is to get what’s six feet under and make things right before my even more degenerate cousins figure everything out.

Using the shovel, I attempt to prop myself up, and as I do, the hairs all over my body stand on end. There’s this strange energy in the air right before a huge electric bolt crashes on the tree next to me. An explosion pummels me to the ground. The tree snaps in two. And before I can even move, the top half of the massive oak crashes down on top of me.

I scream as a shooting pain erupts from my shoulder. I’ve been impaled. I know it without having to look. My screaming continues, but not just because of the pain. Branches and leaves smother me. The weight compacting my body. The claustrophobia is almost too much.

I’m hyperventilating.

And, now, I smell smoke.

I start pounding the tree overhead, rage releasing from my body, but my left shoulder goes numb.

I start to cry.

“I know I'm nothing,” I say in-between sobs, “but I’m trying to change. Please, please help me.”

I don’t know who I’m sending my pleas to, but I say the words anyway.

I close my eyes and stop struggling. It’s no use. I’m trapped. The smell of smoke builds, and I know it’s the end.

The tree’s burning, and I’ll burn too.

I won’t be able to fix things.

Axel will win. Like he always does.

The tears overflow now, and I remember all the terrible things I’ve done. The people I’ve hurt. The lives I’ve ruined.

I never meant for this to be my life. I wanted to be a good husband, a father. I wanted to live a quiet life.

But instead, I’ve spent years trying to accumulate whatever I could with Axel and the others. Why? For power? Money? To prove we aren’t the low-lifes everyone thinks we are? Because we are all the low and more.

And when we finally achieve a sense of power, I realize it’s all useless. It’s nothing without Sadie or a clean conscience. Nothing without--

A strong breeze whips through my hair.

I open my eyes and everything is changed. I’m standing in the graveyard. The tree is back to be being a sentinel over this sacred space, and the hole I’ve been trying to dig is gone.

The grass is smooth except around the edges where the fresh sod is still trying to gain a hold on the soil. 

It’s untouched.

Lightning fills the clouds above.

“Is this a game?” I whisper to the celestial wonders above.

Thunder cracks in response.

My shoulders droop. I’m done.

Then, I hear sounds behind me. Rustling feet. I spin around and see a lone figure coming up behind me. Its got something in its hand. And it’s moving in this direction.

I rush behind the tombstone and squat down.

The footsteps slow until they completely stop. The figure is on the other side of the slab. Whatever it is breathes loudly through the mouth. And without him even saying a word, I know who he is.

Axel.

He’s always been a mouth breather. I’d say it’s actually one of his less annoying traits.

“This is a nice setup you got here. Your girl musta put in a lotta extra cash to get such prime real estate.”

Axel has always loved the sound of his own voice, so of course he’s talking to the dead. I hear the clank of metal on earth.

It’s too late. He’s already digging.

“You don’t deserve it, o’ course.” He grunts with exertion. “If only you had listened to me, I wouldn’t be diggin’ this hole in the middle of the night to get what’s mine.”

I have the urge to stand up and pummel him, but I don’t move. My shovel seems to be gone, and I’m not sure I could fight Axel when he’s got his own.

“But here we are. I’m gonna get all mucked up and tired cause I know you have the stones with you. Took me a couple weeks to figure out, but o’ course that’s what you’d do. You may think you’re all noble, but you’re really just selfish. Me an’ the boys always say that.”

I feel my feet moving before I can think. I’m standing up now, facing Axel. His head’s down, and he hasn’t seemed to notice me.

He continues talking, but I don’t pay attention anymore. I eye his shovel, then run at him, leaping for the handle.

I reach for it, but it slips from my grip, and I stumble to the grass.

I roll over expecting Axel’s attack, but when I look up, he’s still working on the hole. He doesn’t even acknowledge me.

“In a couple hours, I’ll have the jewels, an’ off cruisin’ wherever I want. You hear that, Pete!”

“Yeah, I hear that!” I shout, filled with wrath. “But you’re not getting them.”

Axel stops digging and looks at me as though he’s noticed me for the first time. His eyes bug out of his face. He’s white.

“P-Pete?” he stammers. I can hear the fear all over him. But why?

“You won’t get the jewels. They don’t belong to you,” I spit.

He points at me. “You’re dead. I—” he stops.

What? What did he just say?

“I’m not dead,” I state.

He nods too hard. “Yes, yes you are. I…I ki—”

He trails off.

“You what?” I demand.

He hesitates, then squares his shoulders, spits on the ground and says, “I killed you.”

I step back, more confused than I ever have been in my life.

“No.”

“Yeah,” he responds. His voice trembling.

My heart boils within me as I realize what he’s saying is true. I remember the weight of his hands on my neck. The breathless sensation as he squeezed harder. Then I remember losing all feeling. I remember watching my body collapse on the ground while I floated overhead. I remember fading into oblivion, for who knows how long. And then….

I remember standing in the graveyard, staring down at the headstone as a shovel appeared in my hand.

I turn to the slab of rock and see Peter Trumble inscribed into the stone.

My name.

I turn to Axel. He steps back. Dread written on his face.

“You did kill me,” I announce. “For a score.”

He stumbles back against the tree as I step forward. I feel an energy pulsing through my body. I rush toward Axel with a raw fury I’ve never felt.

He whimpers and covers his face. I can sense the terror radiating off his body.

I slam into him, but instead of the impact I’m expecting, I fade through him and behind. I can’t touch him.

Laughter erupts. He’s laughing at me.

“Oh, please, Pete, don’t hurt me,” he mocks. “Please don’t get me with your ghostly powers.”

More laughter.

We turn to face each other, and even though he’s laughing, I still sense his fear. He’s unsure.

“Leave now,” I command, staring directly into his eyes, showing him—showing myself—I’m not his little minion anymore.

Then after a few moments, he speaks, “I’m not leavin’ till I take what’s mine.”

I shake my head. “Not gonna happen.”

Hesitantly, he grips the shovel and begins digging again.

I stare at him for a moment. “Stop!” I shout.

But he doesn’t. He whistles. He actually whistles while he spits up dirt. He is the most infuriating person I’ve ever known.

What can I do? I don’t have any options except watch him as he gets ever closer to the stash.

Until, something intervenes on my behalf.

A sharp bolt of lightning rips open the night sky. It slams onto the top of the oak tree, in the same spot it did in my hallucination. Another huge explosion and the tree splinters. I watch as the large branches tumble down, down, down, until they smash right onto Axel.

He shrieks and curses. “My shoulder!”

I rush to him, but as I realized before, I can’t do anything. My hands phase right through the tree as though I’m not even here. 

“I’m sorry!” I shout. “I can’t get to you.”

“You did this to me! You little—”

He starts coughing as the smoke envelops him. The tree is one solid, intense flame now. I can only imagine how hot it is.

His coughing gets thicker, his screams more and more ragged, until they suddenly stop.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

I fall to the ground, crying. I never wanted for any of this to happen. Then, a shadowy figure floats above the pyre. It’s like a thin replica of Axel. There, but not really.

He looks down on me. His eyes distant, unfocused. He’s in oblivion. The next moment, there’s a larger shadow above him, even less corporeal than Axel. It grabs Axel’s shoulders with enormous claws and drags him into the woods.

Axel cries out as he disappears into the darkness.

I collapse onto the ground, my eyes too weak to stay open.

When they open again, it’s pitch black. The graveyard is gone. The sky is gone.

I’m alone. My arms crossed over my chest. My body lying on something plush. I can sense how small the space is, but it doesn’t matter.

And what’s better, I realize the jewels aren’t buried in there with me.

They never were.

My mind is opened, and I remember giving them to Sadie, asking for her forgiveness, and begging her to do what she felt was right with them.

I’m sure she found a good use for them. A way to help people. That’s who she is. That’s who I wish I had been when I was alive.

But even that doesn’t matter anymore.

I’m finally at peace.