Valeridit <3

Quarantine has given me a ton of free time, but an increase in free time means more time to overthink and scrutinize every life decision I have ever taken.

"I wasn't worried

Coz I knew you were mine,"

Blasted the radio in ny room as the calm voice of Jake drowned in. This song is like a time machine, it takes me back a year, way before all this pandemic happened, when I met Valeie. We instantly clicked and after a few months of hanging out, i finally asked her out. 

Flashback!!

I may be leaving Cherry wood with a large shining silver trophy in hand, in a bus full of hyped-up young adults but I was leaving something far more important behind.  My heart. It belonged to Valerie now, she had said yes and we were official now.  But we‘d decided to keep it a secret, to not tell our friends about it. We didn’t want to take any risks with each other. For us being together was important and not the tag or what people thought about us.  But to be honest, being secretive about us was tougher than I thought.

We’d sneak out and meet, talking and laughing. We’d constantly text and tell each other how good the acting is going on. 

We never really texted much though, mostly because we were so caught up with our work. For us, our career and studies were the topmost priorities and we both understood when we couldn’t talk because of practice or tests. 

There are so many things I wish I could relive. She shared in the joy and sadness that came alongside matches, when we won she was elated and when we didn’t she told me she believed in me and knew that I was an amazing footballer, she was always there for me.

Once there was some misunderstanding between us and that time I was worried sick, I spent my entire day, trying to call her or talk to her and then when finally she picked up we had the most touching conversation.

I remember Noah's party as one of the most beautiful moments we had, even though we didn't talk. The moment she walked into that room, I could feel it light up. The room looked prettier with her in it. Every now and then, I'd look over to her, and think to myself, "What have I done to deserve someone like her?" 

The party was at this very exotic place, which was one of the best pubs in town. We weren't a very large group, just an inner circle of about 20 people. A large table was set out for us, to sit and eat,  and to pass time, all of us decided to play a game.

While playing, whenever I'd look up to see her, she'd look up too, our eyes would meet and then we'd suddenly look away. Again and again, this happened, it was like she knew when I was going to look up. In the split second when our eyes would meet, I could feel the world fade away as I fell in the whirlpool of her dark brown eyes. I could literally feel our heartbeats syncing. 

There are so many things I miss, like the way we'd turn back and give each other a glance, the lies we told our friends to cover up our act. 

The thing I missed the most was the way she'd look at me, whenever we were standing and talking to our friends, I could feel her gaze on me. She'd look at me and smile like she was observing ever thing I said and everything I did. They say when a girl loves someone you could see it in her eyes and trust me the way she looked at me was proof enough. 

The one thing that I faced a problem with was my feelings. Not in a bad way, I am not a very expressive person, a minimalist if you'd like to say, I was never good at expressing the way I felt. 

Like this one time, a few guys were troubling her, said some derogatory things about her, right in front of me! I was agitated, wanted to slap the smirk off his face but instead, what did I do? I stood there like a complete idiot grinning, it was only after she had walked away that I did something. Thanks to Ron, he went and told her the aftermath, otherwise, she would've thought that it didn't matter to me. There were so many similar incidents. I always struggled with expressing myself. 

The thing I loved the most was the understanding between us. We understood each other when without saying a word. There were days when I said some pretty mean things to her, but in the end, she knew what I was doing, was for us, to stay with her. Just a look and I’d understand what she meant.

But it wasn’t a smooth sailing, flawless fairy tale, we had our share of obstacles as well. But no obstacle was strong enough to break us, we never gave up, we kept going because in our hearts we knew that breaking up was simply not a choice.  We kept on fighting for and with each other.

There were so many times that I got fed up with this act and wanted to come clean but every time I asked Val to tell them she said no. She didn’t show it but somewhere or the other she was afraid, afraid that we may break up. 

I was very happy and satisfied with our relation, there was nothing else I could ask for. My happiness knew no bound when mom and Val got along so well, they had an instant liking towards each other. Many a time me, Val, mom, and dad would go on picnics or simply have dinner together, both my parents and Val treated each like their own, we were one little happy family. 

The time I spent with Valerie was one of the best and happiest times of my life, we were young and in love, our whole lives in front of us. But things weren’t going to be all sunshine and rainbows, the biggest test lay ahead, the sort of test neither of us was prepared for. 

Like the rain on my parade or the Montague to my Romeo and Juliet came my illness. In one moment, everything I had worked for and fought was taken away from me. Football, friends, Valerie, mom, and dad, everything I cared for and was once reality was not turned to a forlorn dream. That cursed day, everything changed and not for the better. 

I had to change cities overnight, leaving everything behind and never looking back. The worst part? The fact that there was no time to explain or give a heads up, I had to abandon everyone. One day everything was alright, I and Val met for coffee and we talked about my match, Ron and boys came over to play PS  and we were all so unaware of the nightmare that awaited us like a prey awaits its predator.  

I did have the chance to contact Valerie after my surgery and considerable recovery but I didn't. I knew her, she wouldn't give up and would want to be with me, I didn't want her to be engulfed by the fire that was set on my life. I wanted her to stay as far away as she could, but being the girl Valerie is, she left no stone unturned in finding me or trying to contact me.

 She texted, called, emailed, sent letter, whatever means of communications were possible she tried them all but I ignored them. 

I was very devastated by the turn of events and ignoring them wasn't easy for me, I spent countless sleepless nights thinking about her and reminiscing the good times and to date, I think about her. Whenever something good happens I think about her because i want to spend all the good times with her when something bad happens, I think about her, her being there for me, telling me how everything's going to be okay. 

We never ever gave up, at times when breaking up was the most feasible option we ruled it out. For me nothing was more important than her, she was biggest blessing. How can you just let your biggest blessing go? And love is not seasonal, you are not in love with somebody until it is easy for you, you are in love when you  get out of your way to be with them, when tags or people or lies matter nothing over being with each other.

The breakup wasn't easy in any way, I was hurt and sad but the power of love got me through. I knew what I was doing was for her, for her happiness, and to see that smile lighten up her face I'd do anything. I would go through a 1000 breakups for her smile. 

Lost in these thoughts and thinking about her, I started feeling the drowsiness from all the activity, the thunder rolling and the sound of the waves echoing in the distance. I fell asleep as dark clouds, loomed over the sky above our small town of Bashutville, a storm awaits.