U F? No.

Who paces out in the snow in -35 degree temperature? Size 8 high heal boot tracks overlapped each other in a small circle out in the snow. There was the sound of wind whistling with repetitive shuffling noises in the snow. Snow fell upon our heroine’s tongue as she hyperventilated. The smell of muddy oil hits her nose as a car drives by splashing her. Above her, a balcony door opens and she hears, “What the heck are you doing? You’re going to get sick!” She is buzzed into a white looking apartment building, which easily blends into the snow.

She walks up a creaky spiralling stairway to a discoloured red door with a sign that reads, “No dog but beware hangry human.”  On the other side of the door was a cramped hallway leading to the sound of microwave popcorn popping. The air tasted like dust.  A shadow of a man was cast visually appearing from the end of the hallway to the doorway. The man at the end of that shadow was tapping his foot while wearing T-Rex slippers, red boxers, and a handle bar moustache. He tilts his head, asking, “Why were you pacing out in the cold?”

Our heroine was unwrapping a pink scarf around her head to reveal little afro puffs in a line coming down the centre of her head and a daisy choker necklace. She took off a long red wool coat and cheetah spotted ski pants. Underneath were bell bottom overalls coloured like a candy cane, and a crocheted green poncho with chunky doves sticking out. She was still hyperventilating and her eyes were shut tight because her tears froze outside, sticking her eyelashes together.

The man sat her down in a bean bag chair and quickly made her some instant hot cocoa with bunny shaped marshmallows. He gave her the hot cocoa, which she held tightly in her hand for 10 minutes while he waited for her to talk on the bean bag chair adjacent to her’s. Her eyes fluttered open and she finally said, “I’m pregnant.” He went into his bedroom where she heard a muffled scream. He came out, took a deep breath, and said, “Just how did that happen? I’m trans.” She looked in the other direction and tried to get more words out, “I…”

He interjects, “Let me guess. I was visited by an Angel who told me my baby would be the second coming of Christ. I found a monkey paw which granted me wishes and I wished for you to have real sperm. No…that’s not your brand of story. Let me guess. You were abducted by aliens who impregnated you.”

She really was abducted by aliens who really did impregnate her.

She looked at him, “Ummm…actually it really was the third one.” He looks at her clenching his jaw and eyes rolling to the back of his head. He takes a deep breath and with praying hands says, “I know you have nowhere to go. I am going to get you an Uber that will take you to a Motel and I will give you enough money for one night. But that’s it. I never want to see your face again.” She bursts into tears with her head in her hands.

He goes back into his room. She stays slumped in the bean bag chair with the hot cocoa next to her. She waits an hour and 12 minutes. He comes out of the room. He says, “The Uber is here. Here is the money. Please leave.” She looks into his eyes giving him a pleading look. His face is red pleading back, “Leave!” She gets on her clothes faster than a professional stage actor, runs downstairs and dives into the Uber, where the driver already has the door open.

Upstairs, the man picks up the hot cocoa. The bunnies have somehow retained their shape but they are on opposite ends of the cup looking sad. “Must have been old marshmallows” he grumbles to himself. The bunnies float back to eachother with heads resting on one another. He pours the cocoa down the sink leaving the cup inside. He collapses on the floor wailing loudly. Then, pulls out a picture of himself with her from his back pocket. It reads, “Galilee and Gordy together 4ever.” He rips it up and throws the pieces towards the trash though most pieces land  near his foot, which he tries kicking up in the air, but is unsuccessful again. The dinosaur slipper comes off, spiralling up in the air in an arch shape. He screams just before the dinosaur slipper hits him on the head.

Galilee sits in the Uber. The Uber driver wears a fuzzy pink coat with a matching hat and heart shaped sunglasses. She smells of sunscreen. The blinding light from the sun surrounds her. It is now very warm, though the snow outside is still piled high. The uber driver is chewing gum loudly while staring at Galilee. The Uber driver offers Galilee a stick of gum flavoured like strawberries. Galilee stares into space for the length of three Mississippis then waves the gum away. The driver shrugs then introduces herself, “The name’s Honey Milky-way Moore. You’s goin’ to the Strawberry Fields Hotel? Am I goin’ anywhere’s else fo you’s? Galilee says, “How about off a cliff?”

Honey turns with her lips quivering and eyes narrowing, “Hey! What’s a matta?” Galilee laments, “You don’t care. You just want to have an excuse to charge me for extra.” Honey notices the time already going in the Uber. She smashes the machine breaking it. Honey says, “Ain’t nothin’ more important than everybody keepin’ everybody safe.” Galilee sighs, “You wouldn’t believe me anyway.” Honey throws her hands up, “Try me. I’ve had some weird crap happen to me. I’ve been visited by spirits, abducted by aliens, and just yesterday I was broken up with by Bigfoot.”

Galilee raises an eyebrow, “As if…wait… did  you say abducted by aliens?” Honey answers, “Yeah. They put some kind of weird equipment in me fo’ their experiments. I think they gave me an STD but Bigfoot, also known as Dennis, did not believe me.” Galilee’s eyes widen, “They did some kind of experiment on me and got me pregnant.” Honey shakes her head, “Ooooh…not much yous can do ‘bout that now that abortion is illegal ‘round here.”

Galilee slumps down.

Honey looks at Galilee up and down. Galilee trembles, “I have nowhere to go after the hotel. I’ll be on the streets.” Honey makes a suggestion, “Yous could sleep at my crib. I know it ain’t safe sleepin’ in a strangers place but it’s gotta be safer than nothin’. Galilee starts to tremble a little less, then turns her head out the window and says, “Yes. Thank you so so much.” Galilee felt a warm embrace though there were no arms around her then she heard a small voice inside her head saying, “You’ll be okay.”