Until I can hold you again

“Yes, yes, please make sure the amounts of flowers are correct. I don't tolerate -- Hello? Sir?” I said into the phone before hanging up on the guy. I groaned in anger and quickly walked over to one of my friends who seemed to be a lot more relaxed than I was. “Chelsea, ey! We might need to get a backup florist. The one we hired weeks earlier hanged up on me, can you believe that? If he -” I scolded without even taking a pause to breathe.

Chelsea started to motion breathing signs. “Calm down, Blaire.” She said, placing a hand on my shoulder.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before continuing to talk. “We have to pray that the florist actually shows up with the flowers. What is a wedding without flowers, Chels?! I want to establish the best wedding possible for April because that's what she deserves.” I said while trying to look up new options. She grabbed the phone from my hand and shook her head. “Stop panicking! It will be alright, the location already looks amazing, with or without flowers. Okay? I mean look at this, it's more than she could wish for.”

I thought about it for a moment and then eventually nodded. “You are right, I won't let some idiot ruin my mood one day before the wedding. I just want everything to be perfect. She gave me full control of this and I won't disappoint her.” I said.

She nodded and looked around before grabbing her phone out of the pocket.

“Now, there is an actual problem we have to deal with.” She said while swiping around on her phone.

“Worse than the flowers.” I asked a little sceptical.

“A lot worse.” She stuttered while throwing her hair back.

I shifted uncomfortably and my heart started to beat faster.

“There will be some extra, last-minute guests arriving tomorrow. The groom just announced --”

I rolled my eyes and waved her off.

“That's no problem. But I really need to try to at least fix the flower problem, alright? Alright. Love you, bye, bye!” I interrupted her and immediately made my way over to the exit door.

“Wait- no! That's...ugh nevermind.” I heard her say before closing the door.

I walked over to my car while video calling April. I made sure that she couldn't see the location yet because it was going to be a big surprise. “Oh hey, Blaire! How are you, I hope my wedding is well planned because tomorrow is the day!” She said excitedly. “Aha! Yeah, I've put a lot of effort into it and I hope this is exactly what you wanted but I'm 100% convinced that you'll fall in love.” I babbled away.

“Aww, I knew that I could trust you. I can totally prove Declan wrong, you are very reliable!” She said. I blinked twice after she said that. Her fiancé thought I wasn't reliable? “Ahem. Sorry, he's just a little controlling when it comes to stuff like that. But not in a bad way, you must know.” She corrected. I laughed but remembered the flower problem. “So, like flowers are really important at a wedding right? Or not? It's fine if not.” I hinted.

She raised an eyebrow at me.

“What are you talking about!? Flowers are really important. Such a cool aesthetic.” After she said that I started to feel a lot more nervous. I opened my car doors and sat down on the seat.

“That's great...Haha.” I mumbled. She looked away for a few seconds and I was able to peek another person behind her.

“Where are you right now?” I asked.

She faced the camera back on herself. “I'm currently getting a facial before tomorrow. Also, last-minute dress fitting but I'm sure it will all work out.” She explained with a bright smile on her face.

I nodded and started the car engine.

“I still need to fix some things for the wedding so--”

“Yay! It's fine, talk to you later.” She said and immediately hang up.

I laughed and started driving down the road.

It was the day of the wedding, April, I and Chelsea have been besties since High School and we sealed a bond to always be there for each other especially on each other's wedding. Our initials are 'ABC' and everyone knows us by that.

“Blaire, Chels how do I look?” She said twirling around in her gorgeous wedding dress. “Ah! You look amazing.” Chelsea screamed thrilled with excitement.

“Wow! This is so beautiful. I'm really and truly happy for you.” I said joining in.

“Thank you, Thank you, guys. I'm so nervous right now I could faint.” She said with a nervous chuckle.

I wrapped my arms around her shoulder and squeezed her tightly from the side while looking straight into the big mirror.

“No need to be. You look fire, he will melt like ice the moment you walk in. I promise!” Chelsea said joining in on the hug. “You are right. The day I've been waiting for...” She said, giving us one last squeeze before leaving to get a few final touches done.

I wanted to walk out with her but Chels stopped me. We waited until the door closed. “What's up?” I asked.

“The flowers?” She asked, crossing her arms. “I made a deal with another dude that messaged me. He offered to bring a double amount of flowers for less.” I smirked.

“Woah, really? Are you sure it's not a scam!” She asked a little surprised.

“I believe it's not and it's the only possibility we have right now so let's hope for the best, shall we?” I reassured.

She nodded and we both left the hotel room.

I was eagerly waiting for the wedding ceremony to start. We were standing close to the Altar as Maids of Honour. The flowers arrived and they were a lot prettier than anticipated. Everything was going smoothly until...

After a long wait, the bride finally walked in and I could promise you that she looked even better at that moment.

It felt like a fairy tale moment it was really magical. I grinned from ear to ear and quickly scanned the crowd that was sitting in front of us.

There was one empty seat that wasn't filled yet. I turned to Chelsea and lowered my voice,

“Everyone is present right now. Who's seat is that?”

She rubbed the back of her neck in a very nervous way. Before finally opening her mouth,

“That's what I was trying to tell you yesterday. I tried--”

I gave her a weird look before I gazed back up and saw who just took a seat on the chair.

“What?!” I yelled. Everyone looked at me even April who just arrived at the Altar. I covered my mouth and took a deep breath.

“Apologies, I saw- um. I was just so happy, filled with happiness. Haha!” I blurted out.

The crowd gave me a strange look before turning back to the ceremony. April mounted * Are you okay? * to me. I nodded and tried to direct my focus back on the whole ceremony.

But it was hard because many thoughts were flooding my head. After so many years, this is where our paths meet again? I glanced back at him but immediately diverted my gaze when he looked into my direction.

The ceremony was the longest of my life. Maybe because I felt like I needed to leave immediately or because I wished that the ground would just swallow me away. After the ceremony, I immediately made my way over to Chelsea who I lost at the end. I scanned the room before I finally spotted her taking photos with April. “Chels, April, can we talk?” I asked nervously. “What? Now -- nevermind. What happened?” April approved. I looked around us and took both of their arms pulling them towards a quiet corner in the hall.

“Who invited James?!” I whispered but still letting my anger show.

They both exchanged a look and sighed.

“I'm sorry, hun. Declan invited him, he's his working colleague. It was out of my power to do anything, I know how bad this is for you. Nobody wants to surprisingly see their ex at a wedding, I guess. But that's not the point, please try to still enjoy the day. It's my wedding and we promised each other anything.” April finally said. I tried to calm down for a second before I responded,

“Fine.” I turned around and almost ran into someone. Guess who that someone was, bingo!

“Hey.” He said. What a surprise, he didn't actually change a lot. He probably got taller more muscular but that was expectable. The last time I saw him was in High School and we were on better terms back then. I shifted uncomfortably and didn't dare to look into his eyes. “Yeah, hey.” I mumbled under my breath. “We will leave you two alone.” Chelsea suggested behind me.

Before I could say anything else they quickly hurried away from us.

“So... How's life?” I asked.

- “Good, quite good but also busy. You?”

“Yeah, I-- Same.” I said still avoiding his gaze even though he was looking for mine.

- “I'm quite sad about the fact that we separated on such a bad note, you know?”

“Well, it's not my fault, is it?” I dug.

He frowned.

- “It's surely not my fault either. At least, I made some effort to reconcile. Do you know how many times I tried to call you in college? Send you emails and letters...”

“I got them, yes. But I don't like being hurt twice.” I dared.

He sighed and placed his hands in his pockets. “Can we just leave the past behind, I don't like to be remembered of the bad things that I have done to you and everyone else. I took time to myself to reflect on everything and I acknowledge my mistakes.” He explained. I could feel myself becoming softer towards him at that point.

But I didn't want him to think that he could get me back just like this after hurting me so bad.

“Good for you.” I said and tried to walk off. He gently grabbed my arm and pulled me back towards him.

“Please, lets at least talk about it.”

“There is really nothing to talk about. Now let go off me.” I said freeing myself from his grip.

I started rushing towards the exit door but I could feel him following me.

“...It's been years, please...” I could hear him say upon other things that I couldn't make out. Yes, it was a while ago but at that moment it felt like it just happened yesterday.

I opened the door and took a deep breath outside. I turned my body away from him.

“Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't love me anymore and I'll leave.”

He said. I shook my head but I refused to look at him. “Turn around and tell me you don't want to see me again. I'll leave, promise.” He repeated.

I turned around and rolled my eyes slightly before looking straight into his eyes. “I want you to leave and I don't love --” But it stopped right there.

At that moment, I knew I didn't want him to leave again.

I just looked at him and I got all kinds of flashbacks. From us meeting in elementary school to our first kiss in sophomore year to us breaking up in senior year. We've gone through a lot together and it was hard to just kick him out of my life. He's been amazing to me, with no doubt but I allowed one mistake he did shape my image of him. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes as I fell into his comforting arms.

I accepted his proposal, us walking down the aisle, announcing our first pregnancy, giving birth to our twins, living and enjoying life and lastly holding him in my comforting arms as he took his last breath.

Until I can hold you again.

END