Lost and found

Dear mother,

I have decided it is time to leave you, for good this time. It was not an easy choice, but a necessary one.

Since I can remember my dearest friends warned me about this toxic relationship we’ve been maintaining. Charlie’s father used to tell me all the time when he was alive, my closest friends and even Charlie himself.

I love you so much and you will always be my mother, but I can’t live like this anymore, I am tired and old, and I deserve to be treated well and to be respected.

I am finally letting you choose what you want. I won’t disturb you trying to help you or take care of you. You told me so many times that you didn’t want my help, or my assistance and I’ll leave this to your beloved son.

I, as your daughter and the person I have been during all these years, am still not ready to take this big step, but this is needed for both me and you. And I decided to go now without looking back because if I do, I won’t be able to leave.

Having the responsibility to take care of a human is not easy especially when this person doesn’t want you to. I never complained and never would because it is a blessing to have a mother still alive to take care of, but everyone gets tired eventually and I am tired of you treating me like the villain.

The first time you got sick I thought I would lose you and I blamed myself for not being around even though you were the one that pushed me away. I moved to another country to be close to you and help you during that hard time and when you got better, I stayed, changed my whole life and adapted to another very different culture.

We had a hard time at first, but eventually Charlie and I were feeling at home, most friends we have were made here, our lives are here and everything we collected during these 10 years.

Charlie was so happy to have a close grandmother, he lost so much during that accident and you made his life more colourful. You are so important to him and he loves you so much and during all these years he was very much happy. This connection you two have is very important and I could never break it. Charlie will still be around, he plans to visit you soon, but I need some time until our next visit.

I hope you can understand me, but if you can’t I only ask you for a bit of time. Time is one of the villains in this story, but I must take risks because life is all about taking them.

We always had a hard relationship; I was closer to dad and Peter was closer to you. I honestly don’t know why you used to blame me for everything and why Peter was always the saint, but I know that this wasn’t right. After my eighteenth birthday I decided to leave to prove myself to you and to show you that I could do more than him, but you never cared, or if you did you never told me.

After 48 years of my life, I decided to give me a decent life, to love and to be loved in the same intensity and to enjoy the time I have with my kid because they grow up so fast and sooner or later, he will be leaving me to live his own life and I want to spend some quality time with him, show him and tell him everything that was lost when we were spending time together.

People will say all kinds of things about me leaving you, they will say I’m ungrateful, I’m irresponsible, I’m horrible, but I prefer to hear those things from them, then from you.

We are leaving tomorrow morning, so when you open this letter we will be in our new home. You don’t have to worry, we have everything sorted already, even Charlie’s school, he starts next week.

I organized everything with Jia Suyin your new caretaker she will be helping you with everything you may need, and Peter will be the one responsible for your finances and all these things, you will be in good hands.

I am grateful for everything you have done for me and I will always remember, thank you for giving me life and for taking good care of me, now it’s my turn to do that.

Sincerely your first and only daughter,

Callie Lawson.

13 hours before

-        Mum? Are you coming? – Charlie asked holding Knox’s leash

-        Yes, I’m just looking one more time. I’m going to miss this. – I said hugging him

-        Me too… but the real meaning of home is the people and not the building. – He said hugging me back

-        Yes, you are right! I love you so much. – I said

-        Love you too mum.

-        Bye house, bye city, bye mother. I hope we all can meet again soon.

Very early, when the sun was still hidden Callie and Charlie left wishing for a new beginning. The city was still asleep, but both were excited and anxious with the unknown. They left looking back to be sure of their choices, they looked back to say goodbye, but without changing their minds.

Trey travelled far, many hours to arrive in their new destination, they saw never seen landscapes, they met and talked to many people and after so long they finally got to meet their new home.

When the sun was shining and the birds were singing Karen Lawson, the mother, was holding in her hands the letter she wasn’t expecting with all the words she never thought she would see, coming from the person she would never believe, her own daughter.

Karen sat on the closest chair with her hands shacking unable to believe that she read all of that. Maybe she treated her daughter in the wrong way? Maybe she did everything wrong? But how? She always gave everything to her children, they had everything.

She was in shock, she screamed so loud that her neighbours nocked on her door. She waited for her daughter to come back, she kept waiting and waited more. The days went passing by and she kept looking to her door waiting for her, the daughter she lost.