Left on Read

Left on Read 

Inspired by the prompts at reedsy.com

      You see, I’ve always not had much family; My parents died when I was little, the memories I have of them are starting to fade even now. For a long while I lived with my grandmother although I had to take care of her, which is how I learned to cook and clean, which still has stuck with me ever since. When I was around 14 my grandmother died of natural causes, it was hard, but I knew it was time to move one because I needed to find someone to live with. I never knew my dad’s side of the family so that was out of the picture. I didn’t know many people on my mom’s either, except for my aunt, uncle and cousin. After about a year of moving from house to house I was 15 and felt like I was being a burden to those around me. A good thing happened to me though, I found a few people who would take me in as if I was their roommate. When I turned 16 I got a job and started to help pay bills. I cooked myself food, I was vegetarian because my grandma was and I never left that behind. So my roommates didn’t eat what I ate, but that is fine. I got used to this place, I got this app on my phone called discord where I made some amazing friends, one was closer than most others, and she was amazing to me. I saw her as my younger sister and she saw me as her older brother. She was much younger than me, but was always willing to help, rather that be with my homework or just keep me happy when I’m having a bad day. I never met her in person though. I heard her though, and we saw each other's faces although she didn’t show hers very much, she loved to sing and sang me songs when I couldn’t fall asleep, even if it was only over the phone. We were so close. Now you may ask, “what does she have to do with this story?” Just you wait, she’s important. Only a little while ago I got into a car crash with my cousin and uncle, it killed them both instantly. I was devastated, but I told my friend and she seemed to get it. Maybe a little too much. As if she’s lost a lot of her family, I knew she had problems but I didn’t think it’d be similar to mine. 

           She tells me that everything will be fine and asks “who else do you have left..?” I told her I only had my aunt left. I could tell she really wanted to do something to help but couldn’t. Her birthday was coming up and I knew it, but my mind died the week before it. I forgot about it, she texted me saying she wanted to talk, once every day for four days in a row. I saw every single one, but never answered, to any. I guess I had a silent anger in me, and I took it out on her without even realizing. It scared me that I could be that way, especially against the one I found so special. I hid myself away from her and went to talk to my aunt to see if she would help me with this problem. The worst thing happened that day. I wish it never happened and that I could just erase it. Erase it forever, that would’ve helped me so much. I walked into my aunt's house and asked her what she was going to do with my uncle and cousin. She answers me “that’s not my problem, you should figure that out yourself when your done being sorry for yourself,” then this man walked in from the other room, and gave her a hug saying “come on, it’s time we move out of here,” I had seen this man many times before but never payed attention to him. I only now realized that my aunt never loved my uncle, she was just in the relationship because of my cousin. She had lied to my uncle and was about to just leave. Leave forever. She never loved me or anyone else in my family, she was just there because she had to be there. I was shocked, but asked her when she was leaving, while I held my tears back. This guy answered for her saying “Hopefully as soon as next week,” I couldn’t believe it, she was just going to try to disappear and pretend she didn’t cause any of the trouble here now. They kicked me out of the house while I was still in shock. I sat on the ground outside for a few minutes and then called one of my roommates to pick me up. I hate to admit it but I cried a little. Maybe not just a little. Maybe a lot.  

       Everything on the way home was just a blur of emotions and me feeling sorry for myself. When I got home, I got a notification from discord..it was my friend. I smiled a little through my tears, because even though I thought I hurt her she still wanted to talk anyway. I answered her and said sorry for not answering her before and saying “I had tons of school work to deal with,” I don’t know why I lied but I did. She said it was ok, and that she understood. I asked her how she was and she said she was fine. Lies. I knew she wasn’t ok, but I didn’t pay attention, I was stupid not to. I told her I had to get back to my ‘school work,’ and left. Looking back, she needed me, I was just blind, I was blind from sadness and rage. I sat away from my computer and looked at the ground, what was wrong with me? I just lied to someone who I knew I needed, and who I knew needed me. I was falling apart, I just layed down and cried. I had no shame, my life was falling apart, and I had just made it worse. The next morning I went over to my aunts again because I needed answers, nobody was home. I went home and sent her a text. A few hours later I checked my phone for no answer, she hadn’t even seen it. Then around midnight I checked my phone again, I was left on read. All alone, listened to but not answered, I pushed away the one I needed. Not even family could help me anymore.