Sometimes It Catches Up With You

Sometimes It Catches Up With You

Glancing down at my watch, I saw that there were less than thirty minutes left until it would all be over. Ten o’clock was what I had decided on, and I was going to make good on that. No backing out. 

I let out a sigh and raised the glass to my lips, draining the last of the Jack Daniels. My eyes closed as a familiar fire ignited in my stomach, calming my nerves. Over the sound of tonight’s band, I barely heard the ice clinking around as I set the glass back onto the coaster. 

                  There was a time that I would have been enjoying the soft jazz that was moving all the other patrons in their seats, but tonight I just couldn’t get my heart into it. Honestly though, I hadn’t been able to find much enjoyment in anything these last three months. I wouldn’t let myself. I didn’t deserve it.

                  “That’s a sad looking glass,” a voice said from beside me.

                  I glanced up to the bar mirror in front of me and saw that a woman in a red dress had taken up residence in the seat to my right. I had been so lost in myself that I hadn’t even noticed when she had sat down. There were plenty of empty stools along the bar, but for whatever reason, she sat beside me.

                  “That it is,” I replied as I motioned to the bartender and tapped the rim of my glass twice. 

                  He nodded and took the glass away as he went to grab me another round. I rested my forearms on the surprisingly clean bar top and stared down at the glossy wood, doing my best to ignore the brunette beside me. This wasn’t a night for conversation.

                  “So, are you going to offer to buy me a drink?”

                  From the corner of my eye I could see her turn her body to face me. Her elbow dropping to the bar top as her hand reached up to touch her face.

                  I turned towards the woman and looked her up and down. Her red cocktail dress was stretched tight over a sizeable chest, and long brown hair was hiding half of her face, giving off a subtle sense of mystery. The corner of her lip turned up as she slowly took the fingers that had been gracing her chin, and tucked her hair back behind her ear, revealing what had been hidden. She wasn’t just attractive, she was beautiful.

                  “I’m going to have to pass. You don’t exactly look like your hurting for cash.” The bartender set a glass down in front of me. “Thanks, Dane.”

                  The bartender nodded and turned to take the woman’s order as I took a long draft from my glass. She hesitated for a moment, and in the mirror I could see her staring at me with slightly narrowed eyes and a half smile.

                  “Moscow Mule, please. This gentleman said he would be good enough to pick up the bill.”

                  Is she serious?

I reached my hand up to stop Dane, but he had already stepped away to start on the drink.

“Pretty ballsy move, thinking I won’t just tell him I’m not going to pay for it.”

She shrugged and said, “Some chances are worth taking. We only get this one life.”

I shook my head. “Some people don’t even get that.”

                  She raised an eyebrow as I turned my body towards hers again. 

“Look I can appreciate a woman who goes for what she wants, but I’m not looking for someone to warm my bed tonight.”

                  “And I’m not looking to bed you. It’s just been my experience that the people who don’t want to talk are often the ones with the most interesting things to say.”

                  Dane set her drink down in front of her and she gave her thanks.

                  “Besides,” she ran her finger over the rim of the copper mug beside her, “when people come to the rooftop bar of the Salton Hotel, they’re either on a date, trying to get laid, or… trying to forget.” She leaned forward slightly and looked up into my eyes. “What are you trying to forget?”

                  I could feel my jaw tensing. This woman didn’t know me or what I’d done. The things that I had been through were none of her business. 

                  “Sorry, but I’m going to decline. Dane, can you close me out and charge it to my room please?” Dane gave me a thumbs up and I dug a couple of twenties from my wallet for his tip. He was a nice enough guy so he deserved it.

                  I put the cash into a clean glass that sat on the opposite side of the bar top, but as I stood to leave I felt a soft hand grab my own.

                  “If you stay and talk for a while, I’ll pay for your drinks. All of them.” 

                  I looked back at her in shock. This woman had the audacity to just reach out and grab a stranger who she had only moments before stolen a drink from. I was about to make a comment about how being desperate wasn’t very attractive, but then I saw the look on her face. What I saw there wasn’t a desperation for me to protect her from solitude. It was as if she needed to hear what I had to say. Like talking to me was her only hope for some unseen salvation.

                  I still wanted to leave, but there was something vaguely familiar about her face. I knew for a fact that she and I had never met before, but I couldn’t shake that feeling. I looked down at my watch. I still had a few minutes.

                  “Fine… you owe me for hustling a Moscow Mule out of my bank account anyways.” I said as I sat back down.

                  She smiled and set her handbag closer in front of her.

                  “Cassandra,” she extended a hand.

                  “Calen,” I said as I reached out and took hers.

                  “So Calen, tell me a little about yourself.”

                  I finished the contents of my glass and motioned Dane back over. After I gave him what would be my final order I looked back to Cassandra.

                  “How about you start with yourself. Who is this woman who so passionately wants to hear my life’s story?”

                  “Well,” she said as her eyes trailed down to the mug that sat beside her hand. Her fingers dragged across the condensation on its side as she picked it up for a drink. “I’m an attorney. I live in Detroit these days, but originally I’m from here. My sister hit a bit of a rough patch not long ago, so I’m back in town to help her settle some affairs.”

                  She smiled as she took a drink. Her hand went back to resting on her black handbag.

                  “What about you Calen? Just start with the basics. What do you do?”

                  Dane set my drink down in front of me. I’d give Cassandra ‘til the glass was empty, and then it’d be time to do what I came here for.

                  “I was a paramedic.” I said as I took a sip.

                  Her eyebrow rose as she said, “Was?”

                  I nodded. “I turned in my two weeks’ notice today.”

                  “Hmmm… were you not satisfied with the work anymore, or just get a better offer somewhere else?”

                  “More the former, but… it was more about what people kept calling me.”

                  “Do tell,” she leaned forward and a seductive grin crossed her lips.

                  “People keep saying I’m a hero,” I bit the inside of my cheek and shook my head. 

“Well, you’re out there helping people. I’d say that’s pretty heroic, if you ask-”

“I’m no hero.” I said firmly. 

                  Silence was all I heard from Cassandra as she stared at me. I took another drink and she did too. 

                  “What about your life outside of work? Is there someone special waiting for you at home?”

                  “Already told you, it’s staying in my pants tonight.”

                  “I’m just asking,” she said with a laugh and a wink.

                  “I ended things with my fiancé the other day.”

                  Strangely enough, hearing this made Cassandra straighten up and her brow furrowed slightly. “You… why would you do that? If you don’t mind me asking.” 

                  “I do mind,” I said somberly as I poured the last of my drink down my throat. It was time.

                  As I stood to leave, she stared at me in confusion. “You’re not at all what I was expecting, Calen”

I gave her a sad smile and said, “Cassandra, you honestly seem like a pretty nice person. Strangely enough I don’t mind that this was my last conversation, so I’ll at least tell you this; I left her because she deserved better than being with someone like me.” I patted her on the shoulder and turned to walk off.

                  I stumbled out from the bar and looked up at the sky above me. A three-quarter moon lit up the world and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. It was damn near impossible to see the stars because of all the building lights around us, but at least I had a nice moon to admire. I swayed in place for a moment before I turned right and made my way between all the tables. 

Couples and groups kept about their business as I passed. Eating their steaks and laughing over cocktails was obviously more captivating than the drunk who was walking to the employees only gate that would lead to an area where no one else would be around. It gave the slightest of creaks as it swung open with a soft push.

                  Small lights on the roof illuminated the path and bits of gravel cracked and dragged under my shoes as I walked. All I could think about as I made my way to the south end of the roof was the last three months. About what I’d done.

                  When I reached the stomach-high concrete parapet at the southern end of the roof, I rested my hands upon it and looked down at the dark alley below. I closed my eyes for a moment and felt the breeze chill a tear that had been running down my cheek. After a minute or two I nodded and exhaled an “Okay,” as I lifted a leg to stand up on the parapet. When my foot touched the concrete, a voice spoke up from behind me.

                  “What are you doing?”

                  I stopped and turned around to see Cassandra standing fifteen feet behind me, clutching her handbag.

                  “I’m doing the right thing.”

                  She started shaking her head. “This is never the right thing. What happened? Just… just step this way a little and let’s talk. Okay?” She sounded nervous as she forced a weak smile.

                  “The whole reason I came back here to jump was so no one would have to see it. You shouldn’t be here.”

                  “Calen, talk to me. Whatever it is, just talk to me.”

                  I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. Screw it, maybe I should tell her. Then she’ll understand why I deserve this.

                  “Three months ago I was driving home after my shift and I saw a house on fire. I yelled for someone to call 911 while I ran inside to look for anyone that was hurt. I mean I crashed right through that door.”              

                  She was now looking at me with a slightly stern expression that I hadn’t expected. Then again I don’t know what I was expecting from this woman. 

                  “I was yelling to see if anyone was there, but between the sound of the fire that was devouring that house, and the smoke alarm upstairs, I couldn’t even hear my own voice. Then, through all the smoke I somehow found a woman unconscious on the floor in the living room. I was trying to carry her out when part of the ceiling came down on us. I threw her aside just in time, so thankfully she didn’t get burned.” I took off my jacket, turned around and pulled up my shirt to show that almost my entire torso was covered in burn scars. 

                  Now her eyes were wide and she was tilting her head as if she wasn’t sure whether or not to believe me.

                  “Once we were out it took me a minute to wake her up, and I was so happy when she opened her eyes.”  My lips started to tremble and I took a shuddering breath. “But then she asked me where her baby was.” 

                  I looked up at the moon above us and shook my head. “I- I listened harder and that’s when I realized that over all the other sounds I could hear it screaming inside the house.” My hands grabbed at my face and my nails dug into my forehead as the tears started to flow. “Jesus, I can still hear it!” I let my hands drop and looked back at Cassandra.

“She tried to run back in, but I-I- I held her back. The entire house was on fire. If I let her go she’d die! She was screaming at me and hitting me and… then the gas line blew. It was the last thing I remember.”           

                  I leaned back against the parapet and looked at Cassandra. “When the paramedics woke me up later I shoved them aside and ran around until I found the woman. I tried to apologize, but before I even could she told me that I murdered her child. That I deserved to die. Then she slapped me stormed off.” 

                  I bit my lip so hard that the coppery taste of blood started to fill my mouth. My head started to slowly nod as I looked back to the woman in red. “She was right, Cassandra. She was right.”              

                  I turned back towards the parapet and again started to take my final steps.

                  “Her name was Rosey.”

                  Time stopped when I heard those words. I never told Cassandra the baby’s name. Once more my foot came off the parapet and I turned around to face her. “How-” my words caught in my throat when I saw the small gun in Cassandra’s hand. It wasn’t aimed at me, but it was there.

                  “My niece’s name was Rosey.” She said very calmy as she took a step towards me. “I’m not actually an attorney. I,” Cassandra let out a slow exhale, “have a slightly more violent career.” She took another step and my eyes left the gun and met hers. 

                  “My sister told me about how you had kept her from saving Rosey, when there was still plenty of time left to rescue her daughter. That the flames weren’t even that bad yet.” 

                  She was only six feet away now and pointed the gun at me.

                  “She said you were a monster. That didn’t even care Rosey died, and you had just left and gone about your life as if nothing had happened. My sister said you needed to pay.”

                  More tears fell down my face as I nodded to her. “Do it. Please.”

                  She took another step and under the light of the moon I could see a tear lining her cheek. She slowly shook her head and put the gun back in her bag.

                  “I only kill bad people, Calen. And you’re not a monster.” She said softly as she tossed her handbag aside and walked up and stood before me. “You’re a good man. And you’re gonna be okay.” 

                  Cassandra wrapped one arm around my back and put a hand behind my head, pulling me close. I wrapped my arms around the woman in red, and I wept.