The Lost One

Dear little sis a letter from me to you. 60% of people lie every 10 min yet imma spend mine spitting the truth. Millions upon millions of cells compete to create life. Yet you were chosen, alarming us like a brake light.

Possibly an August baby, an arrival as slow as Internet Explorer. Love is prime yet deadly when lost like saying no to a proposal. Premonition of death is sudden to crows. Smolder a plank of dreams screaming NO! Love starts when we don't need it and ends when we do. You were mom's little dolphin. Her singing to an angel in the womb.

Then God had a plan we weren't aware of. Take a soul we had a passion for unknown if she was sent above. There will always be an end in friend and a lie in believe. Backstabs & betrayal comes mostly to those with their heart up their sleeve. I'm so deeply sorry that you haven't gotten around what joy felt like. A redemption from a smile or seeing color from the reflection of our eyes.

False delivery I had plans of things I could have done to show how I can change. Love again since lately I've had none. I pictured the future seeing you grow with dolls exploding in our brother's room so it's pink. Wanted you to live longer than I would so I wouldn't suffer every time I start to think. A flower you were given and my dedication for drinking. Emerged in a pool of sadness an instinct as behavior of imprinting. "The dead receives more flowers than the living cuz regret is stronger than gratitude." Anne Frank knew that we don't know what we have till it's gone, keeping our voices on mute.

I love you sis although I've never seen you. Maybe one day we'll meet up creating a bond like cashews. A seed with no roots. Branches of life chopped down, not giving us the chance to introduce. My trust in love can't compete with Walter's trust in Physics. Losing hidden gems including you. If only heaven had a spot to visit.

I'm sorry that you haven't witnessed the grateful thing in breathing. I would give up anything including myself so you can fade off that funnel of eternal life I see when dreaming, but I can't bring you back if you were never here. Something I would describe but can't in such feeling. I've gone through people dying but with you I can't get past that phase of grieving.

What hurts more than losing you isn't the memories. I hope you're listening. It's that I haven't had the chance to have an emotion towards you that I didn't develop a feeling. Imma mourn you till I join you. Two seconds into this earth a destination in which you arrived dead having my heart kicked out of me as if I puked.

Your name will travel farther than you ever will. You would have been more beautiful than a view of Asheville. You were my strawberry, different from other fruits. My little sister, an absence that becomes more and more acute. You were gonna begin a life with bliss welcoming a family filled with pride. I miss you girl all I could do is cry.

I'm sure you would be demanding and diligent not giving up on success. Like a relationship ignoring the problems to bypass the stress. I've been hiding in darkness. Hugging the demons for comfort. Hands folded a prayer rejected to dislike one's calm soul which may explain why affection hurts. So I write to distract myself, writing with love. Writing for hate, writing to hug. Sharing with the world open mic or what not. A voice guarded by forgiveness shoved onto the face of God. You didn't deserve what happened to you staying for the shortest. Deer's don’t cross the road cuz the road crosses the forest.

Getting by Monday in regret. Passing Tuesday by luck. The rest is so random even the calendar goes what the fuck. But why did you leave so soon? You're probably not understanding me since you left in under a second or two. Consuming too much alcohol feels warm swallowing time. Your voice is forever unknown like hearing about the perfect crime.

I love you sis you will be in my heart forever. Above the clouds you will be and behind the message of this letter. All you need for a love song is a name. I don't have yours which tosses my fondness towards you into the dump as it's being lit up in flames. I have things to mention not having the guts to say them. It's not bad, it's just no matter how much I write down. I don't know if you'll listen. Throw me to the wolves. and I'll return leading the pack. I wanted you with me though a duo as dope as a great snack. The best view comes after the hardest climb. Sadly you can't be there, which rains my joy and fun like working full time. You would have been as perfect as Iceland being the only country with no mosquitos. You were that 1% of luck people dream for at casinos. I remember mom lighting candles for you everyday after school. I was young but I understood what death meant. A feeling so traumatizing it's cruel. I did what I felt was right and told mom to stop lighting candles. That it brings more tears than smiles.

Being in an emotional fight we'll never forget you or who you would have been. Getting by elementary and college in a breeze dragging success from within. Dealing with dudes many have in mind. A heart broken will get me screaming “Right turn Clyde.” I would be your shield, your protector. A vigilante as serious as Dexter. Accomplishing the values of life glitching the system. Being so optimistic getting Satan himself on a positive rhythm.

Dreaming of you changing my internal mission. Things hard to put in words without getting twisted. It sucks how although you're gone I'm a victim. So I use ink so love is written. Maybe time heals all wounds but not permanently. It's been over a decade and my feelings haven't changed you see. Maybe it's me and I choose to hold. Think about the past too much my life froze. Learn to let go with all due respect. Proceed with living and of course not forget. You won't ever leave always within the radius. My company and guardian with endless love.

This has been a personal message within a letter for a girl who can perceive. Who can bring pain without being seen. It brings me down enough to notice unless I'm naive. Sincerely your sorrowful brother but know you'll forever be living in the heart of Danny.